Roll the Dice on Fate
by Jackercracks
Summary: What happens when a SI gets reborn in the world of Naruto and is willing to lie, cheat and steal his way to power? Magical Vivisectionist Pretty Oro-tan, eat your heart out - this is how you bootstrap your way to godhood. No re-treading the same old missions here.
1. Springtime 1

A/N: A Naruto SI story. We will be derailing canon as soon as reasonably possible. Don't worry, there will be no play-by-play re-enactment of scenes you've already seen here. I also take the butterfly effect rather seriously. Hopefully I'll be able to make this a world where things happen because they make sense for people to do, rather than narrative necessity.

Now also up on SufficientVelocity and SpaceBattles for all your discussion needs.

ooo

Knowledge is power.

I have knowledge; I want power, now if I could just figure out the exchange rate...

I should probably explain. Let's go back a little.

ooo

A hot day in summer, hanging by my fingertips halfway up the cracked and crumbling masonry of an old bridge over a river near Bristol. An eager look on my face as I eyed the next handhold, it would take a low sweeping leap followed by a quick placement of feet to manage. Miles stands ready below, holding the rope that snakes through my harness and the anchor point. It has been a long day but his eyes still shine with focus. He knows I am relying on him.

 _Crouch, bounce, crouch, bounce, crouch, leap!_

A perfect moment floating through the air towards the craggy hold.

 _Slap-crunch._ _  
_  
An eternity falling through the air with the broken hold in my hand.

 _Creak-snap._ _  
_  
The parting of the frayed strands of the borrowed rope, till now hidden within the sheath. A shocked shout from below. The whistling of the wind in the ears of a body hurtling towards terminal velocity.

 _Crunch._ _  
_  
ooo

 _Personal Log_

For a time there was darkness, then light. I was handled and held by blurry giants cooing odd nonsense in adoring tones. I went under, and awoke looking upwards, lying between thick bars and barely able to move my arms, let alone lift my head. A few brief minutes of panic and again I dipped under the mental waterline, coming to in the arms of another giant feeling warm and protected. This continued for some time.

It was only later, once my eyes started working properly and I saw a Konoha headband on a passing shinobi that I figured out what was going on. I had thought I was reincarnated as a narcoleptic, imagine my joy to realise I had simply gone insane! Much better. I've always held that I would make a fantastic insane person. That brilliant insight didn't last long either: my surroundings were simply too boring to be explained by insanity. If I was going to go insane it would have been more interesting than _this_. I would have seen to that. So, I was in Naruto. All things considered, pretty good going.

Sure, my life expectancy was about 15 years and change, the village might be destroyed any number of times, respecting human rights was considered somewhere between eccentric and a glaring weakness and so on but I didn't care. Three reasons. One: I would get to be a bloody battle wizard. I don't care what they call themselves or how they dress it up, they are obviously wizards. They shoot fireballs, use lightning and teleport while fighting with golems. Wizards. Two: immortality; this world is within grasping distance of it and I want it. Death is a blight on humanity and I would see it ended. Three: perversion potential. I would have to wait till I was 18 or so and go for older women, but can you imagine what a dedicated ninja couple can get up to with clones and genjutsu? Can you fathom it? I can, and once I have hormones again it was going to be _glorious_.

Ahem. Anyway, I kept passing out. Naturally a baby's brain cannot support an adult's thought processes. Equally obviously, I was a baby thinking words like 'thought processes' then fading out for hours after every few minutes of thinking and waking up with new memories of acting like a baby. Clearly something funky was going on, and that something could pretty much only be chakra. After a few months real time and a few days conscious time I eventually figured that I was emulating my old brain using chakra, somehow, and because I was a baby with baby sized reserves I could only squeeze in short periods without running out.

So, knowledge and power. Priority one: copy my chakra-brain into my meat brain. I do not want to end up as a secondary guidance personality in some teenager's head who only gets turned on to solve maths questions and give dating advice. Not a chance in hell. I didn't go through death to end up as a glorified Nav Pixie! At the minute there's nothing in there but a bunch of mostly-unconnected neurons and some instincts for crying, crapping myself and looking at shiny things, and I need to get in there before that changes. I wouldn't mind control a person but I'm certainly not above re-seating myself within my own reincarnated body.

The next few months were... weird. All I can say is thank fuck for neural plasticity. This never would have worked on a fully grown brain. Running two minds in parallel thinking the same thoughts is a bizarre and distinctly unpleasant experience. Didn't actually give me twice the thought-power unfortunately, which would have been nice. I knew I'd never fit all the information into my tiny baby head, so I focused on the bits that were important and took savage joy in cutting the rest out. The most important thing was obviously my thought processes. I'd spent years in my last life building those things: polishing and refining and generally trying very hard to build a sparkling tower of diamond-bright thought. On the upside, that made it very hard to lie to myself. On the downside, it was very hard to lie to myself. You never quite realise how comforting and fluffy all those lies are until you remove the ability to believe them. My foreknowledge could largely wait until I was older and had more storage space, it would stay nice and preserved in my chakra-brain until I could finish moving all the bits I wanted over. I certainly wasn't going to bring the thought patterns for laziness across, what would be the point?

I spent every conscious moment inscribing my ways of thinking and feeling into my mind, and gradually as time went on I started being aware of more and more during the times when my secondary mind was offline. I even learned my new name: Nakano Tetsuo. Clear thinking iron man of the central fields. Poets, my parents are not but I was pretty happy with it. Whenever something dramatic happened I could shout KANEDA back at them and completely ruin the moment. It was perfect. Until I realised what it meant that I was a Nakano. No bloodline. I was stuck in Naruto without any bloodline abilities. I was doomed. Excessively doomed. This would need to be fixed as soon as possible. By hook or by crook I was getting me some of those mystic eyeballs. If possible a complete set: blue, red and purple. I'm a completionist, sue me.

ooo

 _Personal Log_

Once I was six months old I had gotten into a pattern. My baby brain was well situated enough to follow basic plans, though not to make new ones. I would wake in the morning, then wake up a second time and give myself instructions for the day, spending as long as I could afterwards copying over new memories and thought processes before I was nearly out of chakra. Then I would drop the brain emulation and spend the rest of the day working on whatever I had thought best with my vague knowledge of kiddy development. Waggling my arms about trying to develop a mind-muscle connection and babbling like a brook that wanted to learn Japanese but only knew goobooglarb.

If something came up I'd re-activate the brain that actually knew how to make decisions, but that didn't happen often. At the end of the day I'd use up all the chakra that had returned to finish transferring my mind over. I was lasting longer by the week. Hopefully the chakra use would strengthen my reserves and not, say, cripple my potential permanently Rock Lee style.

I think I freaked my parents out a fair bit. Babies aren't supposed to spend a whole day clenching hands then arm muscles one by one while making random yet deliberate noises. They certainly aren't supposed to have intelligence suddenly fill their eyes only to look at you sharply, then shudder at the indignity of having diapers changed and fade away again. I was wasting my valuable chakra responding to them! I needed that! I had to get this finished before a real consciousness seated itself or else it wouldn't be _me_ exploring this wonderful and deadly world. Just an incomplete copy. Unacceptable. I had to keep going till I could be happy with it and switch off the secondary brain for good. It wouldn't be good for much once I was done.

Anyway, I had a routine, a goal and the beginnings of a plan. I was going to take this world by storm like a furious Chihuahua with a football. First knowledge, then power. World Domination Optimisation was coming baby! I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Then the Kyuubi came.

ooo

A/N So there's probably not actually going to be much in the way of romance in this story apart from possibly in the epilogue. That up there is just the thoughts I'd think if I were in such a position, not a statement that the story will actually go to such places. I don't fancy writing that and it would feel too egotistical to have an SI go out to get some. So unlikely but not 100% ruled out, though I'd have to do a separate update on Ao3.

The story will be vaguely AU because many things in Konoha just don't make sense and I don't want to leave them in. Feel free to tell me if I've got a detail wrong, but don't be surprised if I respond by saying I like it better that way.

Also it should be noted that the SI is not a completely reliable narrator. His knowledge of canon is weak, and he can be a bit unobservant from time to time. He will occasionally think that the world of Naruto does x when it actually does y, and y may in fact come and try to cave his face in for his presumption in not taking it into account.


	2. Springtime 2

A/N Krazyfan1 asks: what accent do you have by the way?

Deep, British and smooth. I've been told I've got a voice you'd find on the radio on a classical music station.

Italics are either thoughts from the POV character or occasionally used for emphasis.

ooo

Tetsuo was in his crib, waggling away and trying to flip himself over so he could progress onto crawling, that most noble of goals. There was a shuddering groan then a splintering crack through the foundations of the city, and he knew fear.

Imagine lying flat on your back with a door on your chest, then feel the weight of a series of very large stones being placed on it, much like how they used to execute certain criminals so very long ago. Know the crushing force just occasionally letting you breathe and the grinding feeling of your ribs just barely holding out. Further, know that every one of those stones _hates_ you. Hates your kind, hates your family, hates that you _dare_ to keep breathing in their presence.

That is how the Kyuubi's chakra feels to a baby. He lay there, to move was to push the world, and It was _too close._ The thoughts whipped round his head, _too close and itwants me dead and there's nothingIcan do_. Flashes of explosions showed through the window, _I'm too close, I'm going to be crushed before I even get myself potty trained. No magic wizardry for me, back into the great roulette wheel of reincarnation and see if I get to keep my mind this time. Knowing what is apparently my luck I'll be born in Fukushima just before the tsunami and subsequent reactor breach.  
_  
It was probably for the best that his mother Ikuko took that moment to flicker to his side and gather him up to her shoulder, dark hair swirling like a maelstrom in the wind of her passage. Her husband, Eiji, shouted at her from the doorway. Tetsuo recognised the word for 'go!', then mother and son were flying out the window and through the air. She never looked back, but he could see over her shoulder as they fled. The Kyuubi was a mountain, roaring its defiance to the world. Tiny flickers of movement struck at it loosing jutsu and explosions. A nonchalant flick of a single tail, a desperate dodge by a terrified shinobi, and Tetsuo's house was crushed to splinters. He didn't see Eiji make it out, Ikuko never looked back. He couldn't tell her, he wasn't old enough to speak yet, could barely even breathe through the oppressive chakra.

They sped past walls of flame towards the shelters, in the distance you could hear the snap-crackling of fires and howls of the dying. Thunder rumbled and waters hissed, elemental fury tore through the streets behind them. They arrived at the shelter and Tetsuo was handed to a nurse, who put him with the other children. The chakra had lessened with distance and he wanted to scream at Ikuko, to tell her to stay, that her husband was dead and she couldn't leave him alone. No grandparents had come to visit and he knew if she died too he would be all alone in this deadly world. He was still a baby though, so he could only scream and cry long syllables of pain and frustration. She didn't find his argument convincing.

He saw her, just for an instant, before she leapt off towards to fighting. Bloodshot orange eyes and backlit by flame, an expression of pure fury contorted her face, creating harsh creases in the soot that plastered her features. In that moment she was glorious. A lioness charging to battle against any who would dare to threaten her home. Low and dangerous she turned towards her enemy, hair streaming behind her like a banner. The image was seared into his mind. And then she was gone. It was the last he ever saw of her.

ooo

 _Personal Log_

A week later, when the beast had presumably been sealed and the fires put out I finally accepted that no-one was coming for me. I had held out hope that a past team mate or a family friend, an uncle or a grandparent might walk in and spirit me away, but it was not to be. I was an orphan in Konoha. I was sad for my family, in the same vague way you might be sad if you heard a firefighter who saved you once had burned, or a teacher had a car accident. It was distant, I hadn't had time to really know them and I'd only recently become capable of staying aware the whole time I was awake.

I was more terrified of what came next. Danzo would be looking for Root members in the orphanages, I couldn't stand out. Orochimaru was looking for test subjects, I couldn't look scientifically interesting. Fuck, there was no way I could pass as a normal kid. I couldn't even manage that in my _first_ childhood. I needed to become strong without looking like I was becoming strong. I needed people to know me, powerful people who would keep me from being disappeared. I needed to look like the kind of kid who would be missed, who would be noticed if he vanished. I couldn't trust the orphanage staff, they might be in on it. I don't care how stealthy you are, you can't wear a blank mask and stalk orphanages then expect to stay hidden in a village with Hyuuga walking around. It would be much more effective to subvert the staff.

God help me, I knew what I had to do. As soon as I could walk, I knew what needed to be done. It was a desperate move, a terrible idea, something I would never even have considered normally. In chess there is a thing called a forced move, the move you have to make if you want to continue to play. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but it had to be done. It was my only hope. I would have to befriend Maito Gai. He was only one I knew both open enough and important enough that I could secure his protection with a reasonable amount of effort. Gai would be maybe 12 and a Chunin by now, anyone watching would know he would search to the ends of the earth for a missing companion. He might even rope in Kakashi. Sure, Naruto would have the ear of the Hokage as soon as he was old enough to speak but that didn't stop him from getting kicked out of the orphanage onto the streets. Whatever influence he had wouldn't be quick enough to save me. This was going to suck. Why couldn't my life have depended on Shikamaru? He would have been chill about it.

On that day I made a promise to myself. No matter what happened there would be no orange jumpsuits, there would be no green spandex. I would not allow it, they would not corrupt me!


	3. Springtime 3

_Personal Log_

Time passed, I prepared and I trained. It didn't look like training, I made sure of that. I did my level best to pretend to be a normal infant. In a way, I was fortunate that there were so many others of my age in the orphanage. I made sure I was never the first or second to pass a given developmental milestone. Never the first to walk, or the second to talk. I even added a little randomness to my placement in the order to avoid becoming too predictable. Always being exactly third would be suspicious. I fell over on purpose and wept crocodile tears when I skinned my knees. I hid behind the nurse's skirts when visitors came and pretended to nap while I was feeling the swirling of chakra in my stomach.

When I wanted to train things I couldn't be seen doing I'd hide in the bushes and pretend to dig for bugs, while sticking a leaf to my palm or practising the few handseals I'd managed to see passing shinobi use. I made sure to use up at least half my chakra every day, to try and grow my reserves. I got questions wrong on purpose and pretended not to understand when people used long words. I muttered Japanese under my breath to get the pronunciations right and tensed my muscles against the floor when no-one was watching. I gave my all when playing, always trying to tire myself out in a game of tag or improve my reaction times or hiding skills or situational awareness. I invented a code language, a simple cipher as any kid might use to talk to his friends secretly and made sure at least one of the characters was a smiley face. I looked at the older kids and realised I couldn't let them know I could write till I was 5, so I burned the code. I watched the exits and learned the schedules of our minders and all the while I knew it couldn't last. I would slip and be discovered.

In that manner, three years passed.

ooo

 _Personal Log – year 3 month 6_

I am bored. I am bored and I've come as far as I can by myself. I can't go fast enough during games to get a workout without standing out. I don't know enough handseals to practice properly, I can't do pushups where people might see and I don't know any Taijutsu apart from a singularly useless style from my old world that would probably do more harm than good. I even went back and recorded what seemed important about my time here so far. Turns out my chakra brain has perfect recall, so I decided use it to keep a record. Human memories are so fluid and imperfect, why not keep a better record that can likely never be accessed by another? Still, bored. I can't even turn to books, because then I'd have to reveal that I've been learning to read by watching the story book as the minder read to us for the last year without being branded a genius. I can't be branded a genius yet, I wouldn't survive the experience.

I would get taken to Root and abused and neglected and forced to make a friend then fight them to the death. I don't want to kill a 6 year old. I might even lose. I am under no illusions that as a shinobi I can avoid killing, but in Root I would have no freedom at all. I would be given the dirtiest jobs, and the meanest of rewards. My life would be shorter, and greyer. They wouldn't even give me power: Danzo kept all those eyes for himself. If he actually gave a crap about his fighting force he would have spread half of them over his many operatives. If a person can kill you five times without dying then five more isn't going to help you much, you're obviously outclassed. Once _I_ have minions, I will treat them right.

The Hyuuga affair is coming up quickly, it might be only half a year away and I'm not nearly ready. I know Hinata was four when it happened and I'm three and a half now. My plans would be so much easier if I could just pull this off. The favour of a clan head and a clan heir is not to be sniffed at. It was almost a get out of jail free card, and would hopefully convince them to see what might be more... questionable acts in a positive light in future. Like Naruto, imagine if he'd pulled that kind of crap growing up as a no-name, he wouldn't get away with it nearly as easily. I need my attempts to get written off as childish enthusiasm, not malicious intent. I'm already going to push enough Orochimaru buttons as it is with the intelligence and the orange eyes and dark hair. At least my pupils aren't slitted.

If only I were more of a Naruto fan in my last life, I'm sure there's some kind of cheat code to ultimate power that a suitably dedicated fan could figure out. But no, I'm working off incomplete knowledge of the first bit of the manga and a whole lot of fanfiction. The very definition of reasoning under uncertainty, I can only be sorta-maybe sure about a few events that always get re-told.

So, I need a teacher, and I need a champion. It's time.

ooo

It was his seventh try at finding him. Tetsuo was glad the orphanage didn't really seem to care where he went so long as he turned up for mealtimes and lessons. He guessed they thought a hidden village was really safe, and he supposed it was for an average citizen. The response time could be measured in seconds. The first few tries he had snuck out during the day and asked people where to find Konoha's Green Beast, but either he wasn't well known or he hadn't picked up that nickname yet. He'd considered asking an Uchiha where the most noise complaints were, but didn't like to think of what would happen if they turned those lie-detector eyes on him. So now he was walking through the crowds on market day. It was the main market of Konoha, so there should be people from all over. If this didn't work he'd be reduced to checking the training grounds one by one at sunrise. Tetsuo spotted an obviously stressed, tired and annoyed housewife talking loudly at her friends in front of a tea room and wandered over. It turns out, you can get away with almost anything by looking like a curious kid.

"He's driving me mad! Every morning!" ranted the furious woman. "That spandex loving loon starts shouting at 5 am! That training post gets replaced so often it's like living near a damn logging operation." Her friends nodded and made consoling noises.

 _Paydirt,_ he thought. _Now I've got to get this just right, just the right level of forthrightness and not understanding social rules. Wide eyes, open body language, loud voice. Come on..._

"Hey! I know that guy! Tell me where he is so I can prank him!" Tetsuo shouted at the woman. She looked momentarily startled, her eyes darting around and then finally down. "He runs past and wakes my little sister up and then she cries! Tell me where that green meanie is and I'll get him good." He shouted, channelling an older Naruto, then started rubbing his hands together in feigned malicious glee.

A sly smile crept onto her face as she replied. "Why I couldn't possibly tell you that the honourable shinobi will be at training ground 14 every morning at sunrise, that would be just terrible of me. Really, what kind of person would I be to let you know that MetMart leaves their rotten eggs outside every Tuesday night? I'm afraid I can't help you." Tetsuo briefly boggled at her as her friends giggled, before shouting "Yes!" and running off.

 _This manipulation thing isn't so bad. Better make the most of my innocent face while I still have one, because it's only going to get harder_.

ooo

And that is how Tetso came to be punching a log in training ground 14 looking like a cat that had learned that the cream is unguarded and who has a seven point plan to acquire the canary. At that moment a certain enthusiastic teenager tore into the clearing while walking on his hands. Though that hardly did the movement justice, more like he was pummelling the earth into following his will through sheer force of exertion than anything else. Tetsuo was lucky that the training grounds were self-regulated by the ancient tradition of shinobi telling civilians to bugger off and Gai would never try to discourage someone from training. Everyone else was asleep like sane people and thus couldn't get in the way.

"I had not expected to see anyone else up so early! And especially not one so small!" roared the man, while moving through an incomprehensible series of movements halfway between a pushup and a backflip. "I am glad to see another fanning the Flames of their Youth!" yes, this was a man who could shout in capital letters.

Tetsuo had a brief moment of panic in the face of the sheer force of his personality, as he abruptly understood exactly the level of sacrifice this plan was going to require and took a silent moment to curse the gods that made this his only option to reach his goals. "Yes!" he exclaimed in return, fighting down the urge to leave the field and scrub himself raw, perhaps to try another way that left him with more dignity. It is a funny thing that many who would happily face death drew the line at such things. "I'm going to be the youngest shinobi ever!" and here his eyes twinkled hungrily. "I came to find a better place after they tried to make me stop training!"

Tetsuo worried briefly that he was laying it on too thick, until he saw the telltale moistening of his companion's eyes. Encouraged, he plunged in. "Hey! Could you train with me!? Everyone else is asleep and you seem really awake." He no doubt looked like an adorable toddler trying to be an adult.

His eyes grew concerned as something occurred to him, his tone grew sombre. "Do your parents know where you are, boy? You seem a little small to be out alone." _ah, time to bring out the big guns._ He mused, letting his eyes grow large and his shoulders slump, _surely he couldn't be immune to this_. "Mu, mum and d-dad went away when the Kyuubi came. That's why I have to get strong, to pru-pruhtect everyone else. Will you help?"

At this point, he could tell his fate was sealed. The man's tears were flowing freely, and a sunset vista was starting to fade into existence behind him, although it was not yet sunrise. "How could I turn down such a Youthful Offer! I shall do a thousand pushups in celebration! Come. Let us stoke the Fires of our Youth!"

Tetsuo took one last moment to mourn all that had led me to this point, then started firmly towards the implausible sunset. He hoped to Kami that his memories were accurate and that he had not just taken the first step into the wrong kind of madness. It was starting to seem distinctly plausible.


	4. Springtime 4

A/N I've come to realise that doing conversations is really awkward in first person, so I'm switching over the third for most of it. I'll edit the first few posts over as well at some point. Edit: and now I have. Yippee

Slightly less happy with this chapter. It needs to be in there somewhere though to explain why I'm not doing the obvious thing and learning a few ninja techniques then failing out the exams and running for the hills.

ooo  
 **  
Four months later**

A pained scream tore through the forest.  
 _  
Smack  
_  
The wet thumping sounds of fists hitting something solid.

 _Smack, smack, smack, smack  
_  
A triumphant shout rent the air followed by panting. "Two hundred!"

"Congratulations my Most Youthful companion! Later I shall climb the Hokage monument with no feet in celebration of this achievement!" replied Gai in his default tone of voice; enthusiastic shouting. Tetsuo took a moment to notice that he was _somehow_ doing one handed planche pushups on top of one of the training posts as if they were a light warmup. _Chakra truly allows some insane physical training,_ he concluded.

"You do that, Gai-senpai." he replied, starting on kicks. They had settled into an easy rhythm by now. Tetsuo would come most mornings to watch Gai and emulate his more basic movements, occasionally asking questions or being told if he was doing something wrong. He didn't want to ask too often, or cut into Gai's training time. Tetsuo was working on his forbearance here and didn't want to push him. He was keenly aware that although Gai was the archetype of a (slightly insane) nice guy if he told him to leave then village law bound him to leave and not come back. _Losing the training time help would be bad,_ he had thought, _but that's nothing compared to losing my safety net. Without Gai I know no-one trustworthy, a tasty little morsel that could be disappeared into the cracks and never seen again. It would never even occur to anyone with a chance of finding me to look.  
_  
Tetsuo shook his head. _Enough of that, things are finally going well. I'm getting training, no-one has tried to stab me yet and I have a ready-made excuse for anything odd I happen to do. Who's going to argue with 'Gai suggested it'? Exactly._

Sometimes Gai was away on missions or other duties. On those days Tetsuo focused on chakra control exercises or searched the training ground for lost and abandoned kunai. By now he had got a decent not-bent set that was only slightly scratched. Turns out you can bring them back to a central armoury for a small amount of money. _Normally,_ he mused _a civilian wouldn't be able to get to them because the training grounds are technically off limits without a headband, but everyone (somehow) seems to know that Gai likes me so most ninja won't kick me out. I suspect he shouted it from a rooftop somewhere, knowing him. Aside from that, they don't see the harm in an enthusiastic toddler. Presumably I'm too young to be up to anything. Gotta bleed that for all it's worth while I can._

ooo

 _Personal Log - year 3, month 10_

I've been thinking about my diary. It's great that my chakra brain doesn't forget thing I put in there, but on the downside, the throughput is pretty low so I can't put pictures or anything in. I'm sure there's a way to exploit that... Anyway I've decided to use it to keep a diary of sorts. Nothing outside of my head is secure in this world, and I have doubts about the inside. The chakra brain might be sufficiently weird to confuse a Yamanaka, but I can't rely on it. I'm worried it'll start using more chakra as I put more information in as well, so I can't use it for every little thing.

Another of the boys disappeared from the orphanage today. Last month it was one of the girls. The staff say they were adopted, but I'm worried. They weren't the sort of kids to get adopted, too serious. I'm starting to stand out. After a few months with Gai I'm beginning to have unreasonable levels of fitness and body awareness for a three year old. You can avoid showing most of it by acting clumsy and slow but muscles and calluses don't hide so easy. My chakra is still growing as well and I can't be sure if Root or Orochimaru has sensors that could tell that my network is expanding beyond normal civilian limits. It's how I'd look for potential. I told a few of the other kids that 'Ryoko said that Kari said that they were taken away by bad men'. By the end of the day it was a hopelessly tangled mass and no-one knew where the rumour had started, but it gave me an excuse to announce the next day that 'I told Gai-sensei to come look for me if I disappear, he's a really great ninja so he can find me _anywhere_ '. I won't call him sensei to his face, but I'll happily make use of it to give me a little extra protection. I made sure to say it loudly in front of as many of the staff as possible. I have no way of knowing who -if any- of them are compromised, so I need to spread the knowledge. If they aren't, I lose nothing.

I finally caved on my 'secret language' and wrote a note to Gai. I made him promise on his jumpsuit not to open it unless I don't show up for training for a few days and I'm not in the hospital or at the orphanage. I also made sure he promised to give it back when I've been in the Academy for a year. I should be safe by then, too many clan heirs will know me and I have other plans as well. There's a foreword in basic kanji that explains how to reach three places where I'd hidden the cipher key for my childish looking code. Smiley faces and hearts are some of the symbols, just to throw people off thinking I'm too smart. It's not the type of thing that could deter an actual sustained decoding, but it should suffice to stop an honest man from 'just taking a peek'. I trust Gai, but this stuff could get me a nice long all expenses paid visit to T&I if it gets read and I've not actually been taken.

The encoded part mostly talks about overhearing the staff talk about taking me 'under Konoha, like the others' and saying that 'the Root must grow to defend the leaves'. It's unlikely stuff for anyone competent to be dropping hints like that, but in the situation where it gets read I want them to actually have a chance of finding me and I can hardly explain how I really know. I'm hoping that he'll take it to Kakashi or the Hokage if I'm taken. Kakashi might be ex-Root by now so he'll know what to do, even if he's reduced to pointing, grunting, holding his tongue out and looking sad.

In truth, I was tempted to send off such a note anyway. Root ruins a lot of lives. Two things stopped me. One, even if I succeed Danzo would probably have me killed in a fit of pique and two, I have no idea how good Inuzuka are at tracking things by smell. We're in a shinobi village full of vaguely unstable killers and there isn't a murder every week, so either they all get covered up or they have some really good methods of catching people. Between Sharingan, Byakugan, Inuzuka and all the many other bizarre abilities people here have I've got no idea what kind of things could catch me out. For all I know my chakra could seep into the paper and they could find me that way. A lot of things are going to have to wait until I feel I can survive an assassination attempt. There's a reason three year olds don't start conspiracies.

I've decided on my long term plan as well. I'm putting together a dream team. Canon was shot to hell the second I was born in this world. It relies on too many split-second coincidences and actions to be robust to change. The butterfly effect would have made it unreliable even if I grew up a trader. The only way I could ensure it didn't would be infant suicide, which isn't on the table. I'm just not that noble a person. Still probably wouldn't work. I'll risk my life for a cause, but I'm not jumping off a cliff for one. Speaking of cliffs, I never migrated over the memory of my death, just the vague generalities. I figured PTSD and a fear of heights would be counter-productive to shinobi combat. Anyway, my next option is to become a shinobi but stay out of the way, possibly dooming the world. That's off the table too. I could learn some shinobi skills then flunk all the tests. That would be my favourite option really if it didn't also doom the world. Bloody doomed world, forcing me to make bad choices.

I'm pretty much stuck with jumping in both feet and buffing the main cast and general shinobi forces to the point where they can handle whatever's coming. The Hyuuga affair is coming up fast, and I don't have the skills to do anything about it. I can't even use transformation technique or make clones, or else I'd send a disguised clone up to the front door. I just don't see what I can bring to the table that a clan of all seeing eyes can't. Hell, I have no idea how anyone broke into that compound undetected to begin with, it really should be impossible. I have a plan, but it's shaky and it would rely on my lying standing up to a clan full of Hyuuga. Somehow I just don't think I can pull off a falsehood against a normal Jounin, let alone someone who can check my organs and chakra to see if they're giving me away. I'm not even sure if I should. If this were chess then Kumo's head ninja is a fair trade for a branch house member, well he'd be executed anyway though, so there's that. Or... that could work.

Yes... that could work. Time to practice my evil completely virtuous laughter. I miss my moustache. I would twirl it _so hard_ right now.


	5. Springtime 5

A/N Behold, the Springtime of Youth! This one took a while because SixPerfections, who writes a very good story that you should read, gift wrapped me an idea which I needed to figure out how to work in.

Then I realised that it would ruin everything if I did.

ooo

"Ten! Onwards!" bellowed the spandex wearing fitness nut. Tetsuo was starting to worry.

The rules of training with Gai are simple: do whatever random challenge he thinks up, and try not to think too hard about how insane you look to outside observers. Knowing this, Tetsuo had thought he had gotten off lightly to be running a fairly normal race to the main gate. Normal is a relative term when training with Gai. A while ago he had found out that Gai's weights could be adjusted a pretty extreme amount by varying the amount of chakra stored in them, and had immediately put together a handicap system to allow him to stand a chance at whatever competition they were doing that week. Which is all a roundabout way of saying that today Tetsuo was sprinting after a green-clad loon that was running on his hands through the streets of Konoha. As per the rules of their bet, Gai had his weights turned up to just shy of their maximum, and had to stop every 50 paces to crank out a set of handstand pushups. Tetsuo was allowed to run on his feet like a sane person.

And now Tetsuo really was worried. _The man is a monster; all that and I'm still losing_. His thoughts grew frantic, _how could I still be losing? That's something like a metric ton on his ankles and wrists. Any normal human would break their arms just taking a single step! He might want anything for his victory, I'm not wearing spandex, it won't happen to meee!_ This thought in mind, he made a heroic effort and pulled on something deep within to bring out just a bit more speed. Just a little bit longer.

"Just, _phe,_ a little, _huw,_ more!" He huffed out between steps, being outpaced by Gai again. The gate was in sight. Gai didn't believe in letting people win, if he wanted to escape his fate, he would need to earn it. "Not, _huf,_ gunna, _hwa,_ happen, _pha,_ to meee!" he shouted in what would have been a roar if he wasn't four years old, as it was though it came out uncomfortably reedy and high. Then, a stroke of luck; just before Gai would have crossed the gate he hunkered down to perform yet more handstand pushups allowing Tetsuo to streak past just in the nick of time. The young boy then collapsed in a bundle of limbs on the side of the road, feeling the warm glow of victory burning his muscles and lungs with its painful fire as he panted. That was close.

"Congratulations my Most Youthful Companion! You have won this day! I shall do any one thing you ask!" he exclaimed from his nice guy pose, teeth glinting with no respect for the laws that govern how light usually works. Abruptly he grew serious and moved to place himself between Tetsuo and the road. The younger boy was in a perfect position to peer between Gai's legs and watch, as a grim looking delegation of ninja wearing Kumogakure headbands with a one eyed man at its head and an escort of Konoha ninja touched down just outside the gate. There was just enough time to see a few contemptuous expressions flicker across the corners of the Kumo group's faces as they saw the collapsed child and his guard, and then they were gone again.

Tetsuo took a moment to catch his breath, get back to his feet and consider. _I had a plan for this, but that was before I realised that it was almost time for the Hyuuga Affair. Is there anything I could ask Gai for that would help with that? No. Plan A then. Look adorable, and turtle like a mofo.  
_  
The young boy turned to the closest thing he had to a friend in this world and wow was that a depressing thought. He opened his orange eyes wide and tucked his hands behind his back, looking for all the world like a kid who had lost his mummy. "Gai-senpai, remember when they caught Oro-orochimaru last month?" Tetsuo certainly remembered. He'd spent a third of his meagre funds buying a small cake to celebrate. "They said he was taking kids from the orphanages."

"Indeed Tetsuo-kun. It was most sad to hear that he had been doing such things within these very walls." replied Gai in the quietest voice he had, which was a normal speaking voice for most people.

"For our bet, I want you to promise that if something like that happens to me you'll come find me, okay? Even if it's really, really hard." asked Tetsuo solemnly, eyes watering. It wasn't hard to make his eyes water; he just had to think of dying slowly, alone, in a dark lab as part of the Snake Pedo's twisted experiments while keeping in mind that _that nearly happened_.

"Do not worry Tetsuo-kun, he is gone and you are safe now." by this point, Gai was crying Manly Tears of Youth. "And if it does, I Shall Find You. This I promise." Gai solemnly vowed. Tetsuo was sure to put a wavering smile onto his small face at that. "Now, let us Return to Training! We still have not done our Daily Pushups!"

"Yes!" _If this is all it is,_ he thought, _it's not so bad._

Years later he would look back at that day as the point his sanity first started to crumble.


	6. Springtime 6

A/N This one's fairly short. C'est la vie.

ooo

 _If you truly do not want a massively superior opponent to gain certain information, send agents who do not have that information._

ooo

It turns out, anyone can buy clothes and bandages, and finding a poor street kid who'll do anything for some ryo is even easier. _If I ever take over this place there are going to be some serious societal reforms_ mused Tetsuo as he considered the disadvantaged youth in front of him, regretting the steps that would be necessary to save a life without being sent to T &I. _Why do we even have a Torture and Interrogation department in a village that has Yamanakas... Yamanaka? Yamanaki? Whatever. Shouldn't it just be an Interrogation department? Is there just that much torture that needs to be done that a whole clan of them isn't enough? How much could they possibly need to do? Is it supposed to scare everyone into obeying then once you walk inside they don't actually torture you? Or is it just one of those accepted things that everyone is fine with because they've grown up with it._

Today, he was wearing the blandest, the most average, the dullest clothes possible and his face was wrapped in bandages. They had all been washed with soap that was not the type used in the orphanage. If it's close enough, a person can actually see pretty well through sufficiently coarse cloth, which was useful because his orange eyes were pretty distinctive. As a result, he looked like a particularly boring Egyptian mummy, perhaps one called Clive that works at the bread counter. He had walked down the side of the building to come up behind the kid in the dead end alley. Then he had cleared his throat and made his offer, scaring the crap out of the kid in the process. A little pointless intimidation was rarely a _bad_ thing in these cases and if he couldn't do it now, when could he?

"Repeat it back to me." Tetsuo said in a voice that was not his normal one.

"You want me to go to the Hokage's tower and tell the Chuunin on duty that you overheard those Kumo people talking about how they wanted to kidnap the Hyuuga princess for her eyes, and then I'll be a hero for saving her!" replied the young bright haired boy, dreams of glory shining in his eyes.

"And if they want to know who told you?" Tetsuo asked, just to make sure he had been understood.

A frown from the boy as he remembered his lines. "Tell them Arashi told me, and that I didn't know who you are, then answer any questions they ask me about you. And I'm not to try and hold anything back."

"Well here's your money and off you go. One last thing." He stated, crushing the arm that had grabbed the money with a surprising amount of force for one so small, abruptly there was a kunai in Tetsuo's off hand. "If you cheat me, I will find you. Now, run along now!" he finished faux cheerfully, releasing the boy. The boy stumbled out of the alleyway, then glanced about and dashed off.

Tetsuo took a moment to carve a stylised storm cloud into the ground beneath his feet, then walked back up the wall of the alley onto the roof, and put the bandages into his pocket. He walked back down the other side, wandered through the main marketplace and through two more busy squares to confuse his scent trail. Finally he re-wrapped his head in bandages and repeated the process. The second boy was told to go to the Hyuuga gate guards instead.

After carving one more symbol, walking through three more busy places and changing into a completely different set of clothes he'd hidden in a tree on the way home, he finally allowed himself to relax. A thin smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. _The problem_ he mused _is twofold: how to help the unfortunate Hizashi, and how to get credit for it later. I'm not nearly good enough at lying yet to go in front of a Hokage or a Clan Head and tell them I overhead things I did not overhear. They'd take one look at me and think it was a trick by Kiri to foul the negotiations or something. I'd be hanging from the ceiling by my toenails in no time. If they follow the kid back to track me, they'll find the symbol, which I can replicate later to prove it was me. If the plan backfires, they can't find me to take the blame. The kid will be fine because he's not lying, and that should be obvious to whoever looks. Call it a 10% chance of them finding me anyway, worth it to save a life and possibly make Neji not an arsehole. Can't really blame him though, damn slavers.  
_  
ooo

The following week when Gai told him the leader of the Kumo delegation was in prison awaiting punishment, Tetsuo's smile split his face in half. Gai _may_ have come to the conclusion that he was a bit of a sadist.


	7. Springtime 7

**2 1/2 years later**

Tetsuo was 6 and soon he would start at the academy. Last week he'd told the Konoha version of a guidance councillor that he was 'going to be the bestest ninja ever!' and been given a sad look, an apartment and a monthly stipend. Today he moved in. Now, he was doing something he had been looking forwards to for six years. He had ached from the hole in his life, chafed at the stifling rules. For six years his bedtime was proscribed, his mealtimes chosen for him and his freedom curtailed. It had rubbed him raw and he had spent every moment he could get away with out of the orphanage. Worse though, they had not allowed him to cook. For six years three months and fourteen days he had not touched an oven nor fondled a frying pan.

Currently he was cradling a small container of soy sauce to his cheek and chuckling. His funds were limited, but his cookery had never relied on having the finest cuts or the best ingredients. "Gordon Ramsay may say to cook good ingredients simply, but he's got money! Today, I cook crap ingredients complicatedly and cheat outrageously." he announced to his empty, small kitchen. He nodded, as if he had just imparted the ancient wisdom of a wise master. Then, with every sign of relish he turned to the bucket of fish heads sitting on his counter. "Today, roast salmon wings. Tomorrow, the world!" This was followed by a short bout of maniacal laughter before he got to work. He whistled as he sliced, carving off the area below the gills into thick curvy c-shapes of meat with a fin sticking out of each piece, then discarded the rest.

As he worked, he plotted. _Naruto or Sasuke. Naruto or Sasuke... who do I want on my team? I'm definitely turning Hinata into the best kunoichi, the other options would send me insane and take too long to grow into their power, but who do I want for the third member? Do I excel as rookie of the year, or hide my strength as dead last? Child of prophecy, or Indra's evil pawn in the ancient mystical dick waving competition. If I pick Naruto I'll get the eternal loyalty of an eventual demigod. Sasuke, and I get surliness and an opportunity to make sure he has a 'accident' and ends up face down in a ditch somewhere._ The corners of his mouth hardened briefly as he mixed honey, soy and finely chopped garlic. _At least it would be quiet surliness though. Can't stand blabber. I could talk to them about training at least, that could hold my interest._

 _Training at anything less than my full potential will cause problems long term. If I ingrain habits to take a dive in taijutsu practice or target practice they could get me killed in the real world. Unacceptable._ He began kneading the marinade into the fish and placing them on a baking tray. _I could pretend to be brittle under pressure? Great most days but terrible on test day? Risky, but doable. 4/10 chance they see through me, they're ninja after all. Uhhhg, why can't I just have Shikamaru? Stupid traditional Ino-Shika-Cho combination._

He set the rice and asparagus to cook and thumped the tray of fish into the oven. _Couldn't find any potatoes, Kami I hope they exist in this universe and they're just out of season. That would be terrible. Stroke of luck finding that asparagus._ Abruptly he switched mental threads. _It'll have to be Naruto. He has the Hokage's ear now, it'll keep me safe from Root. My improved countermeasures still aren't good enough. If shadow clones work anything like they should I'll abuse his massive chakra to safety, victory and beyond. Or any other type of clones. Pop a charging earth clone and you still get hit by of a wall of sticky brown stuff. Keep him safe, make him strong, retire from active service and let him deal with all this prophecy bull._

 _Definitely want to go the full 6 years. No skipping ahead years. The stronger I can get before doing missions the better my chances of surv-_

"Dyyynnamic Eentryyyyy!" Where before there had been an empty living room, now there was Gai skidding to a halt. He had a way of crowding out all other considerations. "I came to help you move in my Most Youthful Companion! Now though, I see that you have already finished! I shall do Five Hundred one legged squats for being too late to help!" He shouted with his trademark grin.

Tetsuo was briefly and intensely thankful that his bedroom had a lock on the door and a window that didn't open. Waking up to that in the morning would be too much to bear. He was used to Gai's eccentricities by now though so he simply replied "You do that. Gai, you're just in time for dinner, I made too much." in a neutral tone, before plating up the fruits of his labours.

"My Youthful Kouhai, have you been talking to Kakashi to pick up this Hip and Cool attitude?" He looked briefly inconsolable and was outlined in a blue spotlight. Then he noticed what his nose had been insistently telling him this whole time and his gaze homed in on the streaming piles of food. "Nevertheless, I accept your generous offer of Sustenance!"

Taking their places at the table Tetsuo took his first bite and let the soft, rich, smoky, fatty flavour of the fish become his entire world. The salmon collar is richer than the normal cuts, releasing pearls of healthy fats that gently baste the meat from within as it cooks, while the marinade penetrates deeply and infuses each tender layer while the lime is there to cut through any greasiness. All counterpointed by the firm buttery asparagus and fluffy white rice. Truly, there was nothing better. Some time later he came back to awareness in front of an empty plate littered with discarded fins and let out a happy sound.

"I did not know you had the time to learn such a skill my Kouhai," observed Gai, groaning slightly as he shifted. "But now that I know I shall recommend you do it often! Such abundant proteins and fats are ideal for firing the growth of a Strong and Youthful Body!"

"Speaking of personal growth Gai-senpai, could you show me the Shunshin sometime? I want to be able to move like Shusui of the Body Flicker and the best way to do that is to learn it really really young so it can become like a reflex! If I could get it seal-less it'd be so cool." Here his orange eyes turned predatory. "I'll even bring along food so we can spend more time training before I have to go to the academy!" He knew it was a bit low to manipulate Gai like this, but he didn't care. For ninja skills he would do so much worse than a bit of buttering up and some bribery. That, and now that he had the means there were years of neglecting his cooking skills that he needed to make up for. On the upside he was sure that now he could engrave the exact recipe and resultant flavour into his chakra brain, allowing for some pretty significant fine tuning. In a previous life he had worked out to the second how long to boil an egg in a particular pan at a particular heat for the perfect boiled egg.

"Well it is a common technique if not a basic one, I see no reason why not. Though you may have to learn another technique first" mused Gai. "Are you sure you have the chakra control?"

"I've got the leaf sticking and the tree walking exercise down, and I'm working on water walking," Tetsuo related eagerly, "will that do?"

"It should be enough to start learning, though mastery may take a while." Here Gai perked up at the thought of Hard Work. "Yes! My Most Youthful Kouhai we must put in the effort to ensure you are the very best you can be!" finished Gai with his trademark pose. Tetsuo swore he could hear the washing of the ocean in the distance. _Definitely a genjutsu based ability, is the thumbs up like a handseal? Possible offensive applications? Needs more research._

ooo

A/N Funny story, at this point the first time round it was not Gai. It was actually a Root operate who kidnapped our protagonist leading to the downfall of Root. It was contrived as hell and made Danzo insufficiently competent, so we get this instead.


	8. Alliances and Enemies 1

A/N So it turns out I have been using the copy/paste thinggy wrong, wasting time and effort. The upshot of this is that you're getting two updates a day for the next few days and three today. Enjoy.

ooo

It was the first day of the Academy and Tetsuo was prepared. His plan was fresh in his mind, his weapons to hand and his strange open toed ninja sandals on his feet. Though they were at least black, not blue. The shop-keeper had explained that the thin soles were filled with small holes to allow unimpeded chakra flow for techniques. Left unsaid was that if you wanted dry feet in the rain then you should work on your chakra control and not ask to be pandered to like some kind of _civilian._

He took a moment to look in the mirror and took pleasure once again at _having a mirror._ It's the little things you don't think you'll miss until you don't have them for over half a decade. His black hair was arranged in a series of messy spikes and sharp orange eyes peered out of features that were - unfortunately - still pretty baby faced. There was the makings of what might one day be the fierce high cheekbones of his mother hidden under the fatty layer but for now he looked, not to put too fine a point on it, frustratingly adorable. His button nose was cute, and his eager grin sweet. Even if it did contain a worrying amount of teeth that were slightly sharper than normal.

He proudly wore black shorts and a shirt of deep crimson. One day he would have to bow down to practicality and wear camouflage colours, but that could wait until he had more money and had to hide from actual enemies. He was happy with that red shirt, it meant he had not completely fallen to the effects of long term Gai exposure. In recent months he could feel the pull working at the corners of his mind though, and could only hope that a healthy dose of other people would boost his tolerance.

One last check to his equipment, a quick moment to grab his lunch and shogi board, a careful movement to activate his traps and he was out the window like any self-respecting ninja. So far as he could tell doors were mainly for show and formal occasions. Bouncing up the alley wall that his window faced like a pinball he reached the roof and made a beeline for the academy, the bright sun burning down on him and glinting from windows across the village. Konoha truly was a sight from above.

As he turned the corner to the Academy everything was in its proper place. Here was Shikamaru looking unenthusiastic while his mother threatened him with dire ends if he slacked off, there was Choji with his parents making sure his backpack was properly filled with food and just visible was a cheerful (for an Uchiha) Sasuke being seen off by an impassive Itachi. He saw a nervous Hinata being given a pep talk by a gently smiling Neji while an impassive, stoic Hiashi looked on. A warm smile broke out on Tetsuo's face at the change. Hopefully a more supportive home environment would make it easier to mould her into kunoichi of the year. That, and it was just plain felt nice to do good.

There were many more, hundreds of small children were here for their first day. They would be sorted and sifted by strength and potential over the coming years. A hidden village couldn't possibly survive on just a couple dozen new genin a year, but only the best would have a chance to continue the reasonably old tradition of learning from a Jounin sensei. So far as Tetsuo could tell both Naruto and Sakura had originally got into the jounin track based on potential, not actual combat skill. Sakura had the highest written grades there and as for Naruto, well an untrained and unwatched Jinchuuriki was really just a disaster waiting to happen. Speaking of The Orange Swarm, there was Naruto in a circle of empty space, wearing a raggedy orange jumpsuit and garnering nasty looks from the assembled parents. Tetsuo could hear multiple children being warned to stay away from him on pain of... pain mostly. A slight narrowing of orange eyes; something would need to be done about that later. Naruto had to stay dead last for the dream team plan to work, but there was no need for him to be _completely_ alone.

Take a normal kid, raise them up and give them respect and friendship and they will fight for you. Do the same for a loser who has no-one and they will _die_ for you. There is no loyalty greater than that of one raised from the dirt. Haku should be learning that first hand at some point in the next few years.

ooo

As expected, the lessons were painfully simple apart from history, which included so much obvious propaganda that he wondered how anyone fell for it. _'And then all the other clans were inspired by Konoha's example and joined the new village' phah. More like 'and then one by one the clans saw that if they did not join the new large power bloc they would come into conflict and eventually be annihilated by superior numbers, or be crushed between Konoha and the other nascent hidden villages'. Guess I'll be working on my chakra control during class then. I guess my kanji and penmanship could use work as well if I ever want to learn fuuinjutsu. Variations on the leaf hovering exercise are next I think. Still, lunchtime. Time to get started.  
_  
There is a certain way to go about talking to young geniuses so as not to be mentally lumped in with all the rest as uninteresting or annoying. Tetsuo had known enough smart people growing up in the last life to have a workable plan. First, make no attempt to act normal, second demonstrate skill in an area of their interest. "Hey Shikamaru-san, Choji-san what are you up to?" asked Tetsuo, walking up to the recumbent clan heir and his portly friend.

"You're... Tetsuo-san right? Just cloudwatching, it's such a nice day it would be a shame to do otherwise," replied the sleepy Nara, moving his eyes slowly over the new arrival. Choji munched on something crunchy and grunted a greeting.

"That's me. I was hoping to find someone to have a game of shogi with while I ate. You seemed like the best bet," replied Tetsuo truthfully, waving a board and lunchbox. It was best to be truthful with people like Shikamaru. You never knew when two seemingly unrelated facts would jostle together in his head and your whole house of cards would collapse.

At once Shikamaru was suddenly upright. It seemed he had not yet fully internalised the Nara way, and could still move if there was something he wanted. "You play? A game sounds like it could be nice," said Shikamaru in a neutral tone that was belied by his eager posture. _Does his dad teach him to sound uninterested the same way the Hyuuga teach their kids to look unflappable? Or is he just copying his father?_ wondered Tetsuo as he sat down and opened up the board. He had spent some time playing against and getting tips from old geezers in the sun, so he had a reasonable understanding of the game. It was not quite like the chess he had once known, but the similarities were enough to ease the transition and he was playing against a 6 year old, no matter how smart.

Step three for befriending a genius: enjoy talking about something interesting, try not to say anything too obvious, occasionally skip connecting parts between subjects as you expect them to know the significance and you don't want to insult their intelligence by explaining anything so basic. Fortunately, ninja training had many interesting things to talk about.

ooo

"I've been looking into fuuinjutsu at the library with my new student access, and I was considering the possibilities granted by a storage scroll that could give momentum to objects leaving the scroll, for use in movement," said Tetsuo as the pieces plinked about the board and he opened his lunchbox. Today wasunagi: soft chestnutty chunks of eel meat braised in a dark sauce then toasted over coals and served on white rice. He'd brought extra, planning to give some to Choji. As he played he offered some to his companions, which they took with small sounds of thanks, followed by louder sounds of thanks as they tasted the food. "You could change direction mid-air that way, but I can't find out if storage scrolls allow for large things to come out moving relative to the scroll," continued Tetsuo, taking a bite of his meal and thinking of Tenten and her winding scrolls firing weapons to the four winds.

"My father says it's been done before, but the chakra cost rises in proportion to the weight of the object" replied the no-longer sleepy Nara, eyes intent on the game. Choji meanwhile was gorging himself on the offering of food.

"I could make that work for mid-air direction changes," mused Tetsuo, "So long as the chakra costs aren't prohibitive."

"Most just use the substitution technique if they're caught mid-jump," Shikamaru pointed out, showing the type of broad, battle-tested background knowledge that you just didn't get as a clan-less orphan. Tetsuo's smile widened, _yes this was definitely a good idea._ "Ah, it seems you've beaten me," Shikamaru said with an expression of faint surprise. Tetsuo studied the board, he was 3 moves away from actually winning but there was no longer anything the young pineapple haired boy could do to stop it. "I guess so," Tetsuo replied. Lunchtime was coming to an end. "Play again tomorrow?" _It seems raw genius doesn't beat an extra lifetime of experience... yet. He'll probably have me on the ropes before we graduate. Shikamaru really is smarter than anyone his age has a right to be. Why, he's already figured out the optimal path to avoid having people ask him to do anything.  
_  
"I think I'd like that," was the response from the dark haired boy, while Choji nodded fervently.


	9. Alliances and Enemies 2

It had been two month at the Academy and the first years were _finally_ being allowed to spar with each other in taijutsu class. The previous time had been spent on safety, basic form and katas which Tetsuo had memorised years ago. The whole class was gathered in a training field supervised by a number of teachers. He keenly felt his lack of practical fighting experience. They had discovered that fighting against Gai was... inadvisable as a training method for one so young. So Tetsuo did the obvious thing, he walked up to Sasuke, pointed dramatically and called out his foe, "Uchiha! Fight me!" It was all very dramatic and marred only slightly by the fact that we were less than four feet tall.

"... Alright Nakano," replied Sasuke after taking a moment to consider. He had not yet gained the screaming fangirls or the crippling emotional trauma that would plague him in his later years, so for now he was actually an alright kid. _A bit stuffy but that's what happens when you're raised by Uchiha,_ considered Tetsuo. _A shame my plan involved supplanting him and forcing him into a team with a higher chance of death. Mainly because every team that isn't mine would have a higher chance of death. We're just that awesome. Or we will be, I won't allow anything less._

They moved over to an empty sparring circle, made the seal of confrontation and a teacher bid them hajime.

Suddenly, there was stillness. The other kids were presumably still talking and fighting but they ceased to matter in this moment. Sasuke dropped into the high stance of the Uchiha style while Tetsuo took the low guard of the Strong Fist. He knew he would be stronger and faster than the young child in front of him but the Uchiha would have the edge on experience and instinct, having had sparring partners of similar ages since he could waddle into the ring.

Sasuke opened with a probing strike to his left side, firmly blocked. Tetsuo retaliated with a sweeping kick, deftly avoided and followed by a sharp counter attack which left him hopping backwards out of range. They smiled at each other, _this is going to be fun._

Tetsuo _darted_ forwards with a blinding punch towards the left shoulder-

Sasuke twisted back and blocked, _staggered_ by the glancing blow but he kept his head and used the momentum for a high spinning kick towards his enemies' left side-

 _thud_

Stopped dead by a strong left block, chakra keeping Tetsuo's feet anchored. He answered with a snap kick of his own while the Uchiha is off balance, striking his crossed arm and sending him _skidding_ back. "You are skilled, Uchiha," stated Tetsuo with a feral grin, flashing teeth on display, "but too slow!"

"And your moves are rigid, Nakano!" bit back Sasuke before gliding in for a punishing series of fast strikes-

 _-just_ intercepted by Tetsuo's stoic blocks. A punch snapped out towards Sasuke's solar plexus-

 _...and he's choking on the ground clutching his stomach, guess all that strength training paid off,_ marvelled Tetsuo while clenching and unclenching his fist. The teacher called the match, looking slightly surprised at the turn of events. _I guess he is only a six year old after all. Still, he was doing so well. He's right though. I need flexibility to be able to beat people without overpowering them. I can't be stronger than everyone. If we had equal strength and speed I'd have lost. I need experience against skilled opponents, and maybe some weights to simulate fighting opponents of equal speed. And chakra reinforcement, gotta move from unconscious to conscious. So be it._ Sasuke began to get to his feet.

"Uchiha! You fight with skill. I have decided that you shall be my Rival!" shouted Tetsuo in a voice that was not quite as weedy as it had been last year. He held out his hand in the seal of reconciliation.

"..oooookay?" answered Sasuke, not understanding the magnitude of what he had just agreed to but still completing the seal out of habit. "I will beat you next time, Nakano." He assured Tetsuo forcefully, forcing the orange eyed boy's smile wider still. _Yes, push me. Push me as hard as you can, I'll match you every step of the way. Think yourself my equal as we grow into killers. Then when you fall I'll take off the training weights and grind you into mush.  
_  
And that was how Tetsuo made friends with Uchiha Sasuke, pawn of Indra and inheritor of the Curse of Hatred. Later, when he got home, he had a quiet freak out.

ooo  
 _  
Personal Log - year 6, month 8_

Okay, I have my plan for Sasuke. Well, my two plans. First, I'm going to appear to stay even with him through the whole academy while wearing weights. Then, soon after we graduate, I beat him into the ground - for his own good of course. He leaves because he feels he's not getting strong enough in the leaf, and I shall prove him wrong by being a shining example of The Powe-

Oh god, did I almost just do that? That's not right. Have my mental processes been contaminated? Oh Kami, how would I know? Wait, I have the perfect way to check, I have a spare brain that should be mostly unchanged from the day I got it. Okay, I need a test that distinguishes between sanity and insanity. Think up a hypothetical situation and decide on my response then evaluate which makes more sense. I don't have anyone sane in this world to ask to check my thinking. Chakra brain, plan for Sasuke. Okay, same basic plan except without the Gai-isms and the eternal rivalry and _that is not good._

Wait a minute, no-one sane in this world... What are the major differences between people this world and mine? Chakra in everything and... that's about it. Civilians always seemed pretty normal, it's just... high level... ninja... who are always nuts. Fuck, is chakra level in the body and brain correlated with insanity? I've been training my chakra reserves, have I been slowly going strange? Well obviously yes but I've only been hanging around Gai so that might have happened anyway. Wait, Sakura! She has piddling reserves and she's so batty she has a second personality. She... subconsciously reinforces her strikes with super strength even as a genin. How else did she do all that stuff? She'd be as contaminated as the rest.

Falsify your own conclusions, who doesn't regularly pump chakra into their muscles? Shikamaru who... is the sanest guy here. He's just a normal guy who happens to be born into a situation where he has to be a killer. And the Hokage, who doesn't fight any more. Was he crazier when he was on the front lines and became sane again now that he has a desk job? Danzo has Hashirama cells constantly pushing chakra into him, and he's nuttier than a fruitcake. I'll need to check to make sure, two weeks without using any chakra, then comparative tests to see if I become less eccentric, then use chakra again and more comparisons. Gai won't like me skimping on training and I'll have a hard time in sparring but I need to do this.

 **Three weeks later**

Oh merciful Kami, it's true. If I want to become powerful in this world I will slowly become increasingly strange. Think, how do successful strong shinobi deal with this? Of course, obvious in retrospect! Controlled release of weirdness through strange habits. Don't fight it, channel it. Jiraiya pervs on women and acts like a fool, Gai is Gai, Kakashi reads porn in front of children and never shows up on time, Tsunade gambles all her money away and punches people, Anko plays the exhibitionist. Hardly ideal but compared to what everyone _else_ in this crazy place does it's not that bad. Okay, I can do this, I just need to find some facet of my personality then overplay it to hell and back in a safe manner. What do I have to work with? Obscure pop culture references? Worth a try I guess. Cookery? Yessssssssss. I shall fight a war for hearts and minds with spices as my weapon and marinades as my shield! All shall tremble and kneel before me in wonder at my benevolent rule!

Okay. That happened. Nought to crazy in 1.3 seconds. As if I needed any more evidence. Seemed like the harmless kind though, not like Deidara's 'art, un'. I feel like this habit will stay safe no matter how much chakra suffuses me. Worst case scenario I become snippy in restaurants and get mad if someone insults my food. I'll keep looking for other ways to vent pressure, but this is looking pretty solid. Shameless (and public) perversion will have to wait till I go through puberty again.

Next step, penetrating Sarutobi's defences.

ooo

A/N Funnily enough, all signs seem to indicate that before the death of everything he cared about Sasuke had a 'pleasant disposition' and was 'very kind and loving towards his family'. And here I was all set up to write him as cold. Mental trauma changes people. Who knew.


	10. Alliances and Enemies 3

_Personal Log - year 7, month 4_

My parents apparently weren't rich and most of what they did have was lost when the house was destroyed by the Kyuubi. Fortunately what was left was enough for a slightly better class of ingredients than other orphans, with enough left over for my… projects. Yes, projects is the word. Presumably, I remember thinking, there was some reason everyone doesn't carry a few dozen black powder bombs with them, but it was a simple thing to test over a couple of weeks. Sulphur, saltpetre and coal, ground up fine in a casing with a training explosive tag for a fuse. Low cost, high potential reward. Now the results are in. They are heavy, slow, and in almost all ways inferior to explosive tags. You could get a bigger explosion out of them, but that was largely irrelevant considering any genin could kawarimi out the way by the time such a slow projectile arrived. Could come in handy though...

Anyway. I'm hesitant to try more dangerous combinations like nitroglycerine, considering I can't remember the formula and it traditionally killed enough of the people making it that they had each individual person surrounded by an earth bunker to channel away the force of explosions. The real upside is that extremely careful tests have shown that black powder can in fact be stored and retrieved from storage scrolls without losing any limbs, which is nice.

Nukes are right out, even ignoring the fact that it took over a hundred thousand people to build the first ones, can you imagine Obito with a nuke or five in his kamui ready to drop and run on anyone who shows up? Not good. The radiation might actually beat jinchuuriki healing if that works based on cell division. Can you say super cancer? Because I can say Nope! Normal explosive missiles might work in time. The aiming and cost is the real impediment though. The first rocket artillery were hilariously inaccurate and that's about the level I'd be working at. That, and it's not much good to me if I spend a mission's worth of cash on materials to complete the mission - I'd starve!

Next is rasengan and chakra nature transformations. At the same time I'll be looking into poison. When I first joined the academy I asked why everyone doesn't use poison on everything. They looked at me like I was a bit strange which, okay yeah, a six year old asking about poisoning people in his first week should be a little distressing but still! You go to ninja school to learn how to kill people, I'm just showing initiative! Anyway, I know that Sakura had poisoned blades in the show so presumably I just need to find someone willing to sell deadly substances to a minor. Shouldn't be too hard, this place teaches seven year olds to breathe fire then sends them to the front lines and I'm not sure they know the meaning of health and safety. Jiraiya throwing Naruto off that cliff springs to mind.

All those dramatic looking kunai nicks in the battle you see? Those could have been game over with just a little poison! Even Orochimaru does it. While normally he's a bad example to follow you can't deny his skill at murderizing people into neat, well-catalogued lumps.

I'm sure I can find a use for the spare test explosives I ended up making. Perhaps with a little work...

ooo

Two pairs of eyes peered out of the bushes. They were tense, they had been waiting a long while.

"Is it time yet?" Asked one in a hushed voice.

"Not yet. We want to wait for the right moment." Replied the second. He was more experienced in such things.

"The longer we wait the higher their chances of finding them," countered the first. He sounded concerned now, "it'd be a shame to waste all that effort."

"There, it's Mizuki," a harsh light came into his blue eyes. "Let's do it."

"Katsu."

Light blossomed over the market place, on multiple buildings shaped charges blew simultaneously with a ferocious _crack_ as the people below were thrown into chaos. Clouds of smoke spread through the air as the screaming civilians below were pelted with glitter. The multicoloured storm itched their eyes and got really deep into their hair and clothes so that it would take really an irritating amount of work to get rid of. I mean honestly, who does that? Their panic quickly morphed into indignation as they realised they had become that most terrible of things... sparkly. Mizuki's eye twitched most prettily, outlined as it was in pink and purple glitter.

One the rooftops far above two boys in orange and red streaked away laughing. They managed to get three whole blocks before they were caught and subdued by ANBU then unceremoniously carried to the Hokage's office like two angry sacks of flour.


	11. Alliances and Enemies 4

A/N Man this one was hard to write. Had to just delete the whole first draft and start from scratch. It shall be ritually buried and never shall it see the light of day.

ooo

 _PoV - The Hokage_

Hiruzen Sarutobi looked up from his scrying orb, chuckling slightly at the glittery face of a particularly annoying civilian who had a habit of making long and irritating speeches whenever possible. The light streaming in from the windows framed his ancient visage as he took pleasure in the mild discomfort and annoyance of his foes. Truly a great and terrible intellect snickered from under the great and terrible weight of responsibility.  
 _  
Ah, the benefits of being able to see the whole village truly are many and various,_ he thought with some amusement. _Now, how to deal with these two? It's good to see Naruto making a friend, I just wish he wouldn't drag him into his little hobby. I feel like such an enabler, giving him attention whenever he does something sufficiently disruptive. What about this other one?_ His eyes were drawn to the open file on one Nakano Tetsuo. _Top of his class at Taijutsu, tied with the Uchiha heir. To be expected after his exposure to Gai. Never a test score under 95% including some on subjects he was certainly never taught by us, nor by the orphanage. Uncommonly advanced vocabulary and development, not so expected. Routine follow up into high potential asset shows him spending all his time either at the library, training, eating, with Gai or,_ and here his eyes widened, _designing and crafting explosives and poisons. A bit odd for a seven year old but I've seen stranger, that explains the prank at least._

Passing Inuzuka smelt explosives and called it in. Safety precautions taken by target found to be sufficient to not require direct intervention. Reagents bought with modest inheritance. All prepared explosives and dangerous substances kept in storage scroll, batch quantities insufficient to breach walls - danger to surrounding apartments minimal,

he paused in his reading, _safety precautions from a 7 year old? Interesting. Designs for missiles found, tactical value minimal. Student declined to skip a year claiming that 'The greater my power level upon graduation the better my longterm survival rate and thus long term mission completion total. I can best serve leaf by staying right here.' and that he 'couldn't leave Shikamaru behind and he's too lazy to follow'._ At this point the Hokage let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. The similarities to a certain snake had been building up but the obvious loyalty was a welcome change, so long as it was genuine. It could well be faked.  
 _  
Genius growth level, obvious loyalty, tight connection to one highly loyal ninja and one clan heir. Last local member of Nakano family. Shows only minor signs of their bloodline. Could be useful. If I wait too long someone else might try the same, but later. Can't reward misbehaviour; I am the Hokage after all. For now, test loyalty and then after-  
_  
The military leader of the one of the top forces on the continent was interrupted by the subjects of his thoughts being dumped on the floor by two kneeling ANBU. They signed 'mission accomplished, target secured' then disappeared to the hidden alcoves at his nod of dismissal. _If only I could convince Bear to take real time off instead of having to give him these make-work missions. He's going to crack eventually if he won't take time off._

The two new arrivals jumped up, Naruto in a combative stance while Tetsuo was clearly awed to be in the presence of his Hokage, as mumbled swear words fell from his lips.

"I take it I have you two to thank for the state of the market? Naruto-kun I had hoped that you learned your lesson last week after that... incident with the paint, springs, sponges and the frogs. If I'd known you were planning something like this I would have made you do more than just clean up." He fixed Naruto with an implacable stare and released the barest sliver of killing intent. Not enough to be recognised by such youngsters, but plenty to make two young kids feel unaccountably cold. "Well, there's time to fix that oversight. Tetsuo-kun, you may think that because you have good grades you can get away with anything. I assure you this is not the case. Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?" Another pulse of intent.

"Sorry, Hokage-sama," chorused the boys in unison. Their heads were bowed, but he could see defiance in their eyes. It did him good to see such defiance from Minato's son, even if it was inconvenient for him. _Still, perhaps a step further.  
_  
"Tetsuo-kun you really should know better than to make explosives in a civilian apartment, even if you were careful." The boy flinched at the implied surveillance, clearly off-balance. "I would have been understanding had you used them responsibly, but as you have not I have no choice but to bar you from making chemical explosives until your penultimate year at the academy." That got a reaction.

"But Hokage-sama, I haven't even finished the test missiles yet!" Shouted Tetsuo before clapping a hand over his mouth, clearly uphappy at giving away his plans. Simultaneously Naruto erupted "No way that's so unfair! It was my idea to hit the market anyway."

Tetsuo clearly wouldn't stand for this, "no fucking way am I letting you take the fall for my explosives. I came to you! Not gonna happen, numbskull." Revealing a foul mouth entirely out of keeping with his stature. _Genuine loyalty or manipulation? It's always so annoying dealing with the ones smart enough to be dumb,_ wondered Hiruzen.

Further thoughts were interrupted by Naruto who exploded in return. "Who are you calling numbskull, jackass!?"

"Silence!" Called out the Hokage and in that moment he was every inch the God of Shinobi, lord of battle and seller of death by bulk rate. The light behind him seemed to grow as his shadow lengthened and hidden privacy seals made the sounds of the world outside fall away. "You will both be spending this day and the next cleaning every _speck_ of glitter from the marketplace and if I catch you slacking off you'll be cleaning out the academy cafeteria grease trap! Dismissed!"

The two academy students fled the room.

ooo

Later, when he checked on their progress with his scrying orb he found them sweeping side by side, laughing about Mizuki's reaction to the prank. A smile quirked at the corners of his mouth. "Your kid's doing alright, Minato," he spoke to the darkened, empty room. "I couldn't give him a family, but at least he's found a friend."


	12. Alliances and Enemies 5

Two black haired boys lay back in the sun on the grassy slope. Their clothes were scuffed and they each sported their fair share of bruises. Between them was an empty bento box bearing traces of dark and pungent sauces. The wind blew past, rustling the long grass in undulating waves. Like an ocean the fronds bent too and fro, dancing in the light. They had become second years a few months back.

"Hey Sasuke..." began Tetsuo, before trailing off. _Hey Sasuke, your clan is going to die soon. I can't stop it, I'm not sure I would if I could. See, they're both cursed and genetically predisposed to being arseholes. Yeah, that'll go down real well,_ he thought sarcastically.

"Yeah?" Replied the contented Uchiha, oblivious to his companion's turmoil. He had studied, fought and eaten. Now he was resting, and it was glorious.

 _Fuck, just try to prepare him a bit for what's coming,_ thought Tetsuo. _Anything to help keep him on a sane path afterwards, maybe make it a little easier for him to open up to someone. Lay the damn groundwork._ "Did I ever talk about my parents?" He asked, knowing full well he hadn't.

Sasuke noticed his companion's discomfort, aware that this was a sensitive subject. He had seen inside Tetsuo's apartment, it was not softened by a mothers touch, nor knew a fathers hand. He was hyper-aware that how he answered mattered. "Never, before today," he spoke carefully.

"I never knew them properly," he started slowly at first, then faster as the memories flowed. "My best memories of them are the day they died. It was the day the Kyuubi came. Dad never made it out the house, mum got me to the shelters, then went back to the front lines. I still remember her expression. That the creature would _pay_ for daring to attack her home. Never a fiercer woman. I wonder sometimes, if she had known that dad was already dead, would she have stayed back? Could things perhaps have been different? But then I remember her face and I think she would have charged in anyway." His eyes were dark in this retelling, thinking what he could have had.

"I wanted it dead, for a long while. It put itself ahead of a whole village, thousands of people dead because of one being. I wanted to punish it, it and everyone who decided putting a biju in a woman was a good idea when they knew that pregnancy would weaken the seals. Everyone who was involved." He laughed, bitterly. "It was the reaction of a child. No nuance, no understanding, no hope of improving the world.

"I think, in the end, that all value flows from people living good lives. So, I decided that I would take the path that saved the most lives and did the most good. The past of a person is meaningless, except as a way to understand their future actions. Vengeance is pointless, except as a way to halt future actions." He hadn't planned this, and was rambling slightly, hoping something would catch in the Uchiha's mind, something he would come back to at his lowest point and perhaps take a different path. He no longer cared if he was acting in line with his age. His friend was going to lose a part of himself, maybe most of himself and there was _nothing_ he could do. "I don't hate the Kyuubi. Not any more. If I get the chance to get close to a similar being, I will follow the path that leads to such a thing never happening again. If that means destroying it, so be it. Not for those it has killed in the past, but for those it will kill in the future. To lose myself in hate would be just adding another death to the pile. My own."

Sasuke was momentarily stunned by this outpouring of words and emotion. Tetsuo did not normally talk much about anything other than fighting or insane ideas that sounded as deadly as they were impractical. "So you wouldn't seek revenge on a killer?" He asked, confused.

"Not revenge, no. Maybe I'd kill him to discourage similar acts in the future, or if I thought he would keep killing." Mused Tetsuo, taking his question seriously. "Doesn't matter so much if I end them or someone else though, so long as they end up in the ground. Otherwise it's just pride, not retribution."

"Doesn't that mean you should be a trader or something, then?" Questioned Sasuke, eyebrows drawing together.

"Ah, well normally it would, wouldn't it? Let's just say sometimes there are people that must be stopped, for the good of all." Replied Tetsuo softly, thinking of a man who made children kill their emotions then their friends, thinking of world that sometimes seemed like it wanted to end. "Tell me when you figure it out."

"Tetsuo, you are very strange. You know that?" Then stiffened as he immediately regretted his words. Some things were not said after a friend finally opened up about his dead parents. Tetsuo didn't seem to mind though as a strange smile split his face.

"Only one of my kind on this whole damn planet. Accept no imitations," Tetsuo declared warmly with a small laugh. "Now come on, Hinata's Gentle Fist is kicking my arse, lets work on our deflections." Yes, definitely a strange boy. Sasuke liked him anyway though, he was the only boy he could fight all out with, and that was enough.

A/N Two updates today because I skipped yesterday. The Massacre approaches. Edited things a little because it turns out propaganda says Kyuubi is dead. Went back and edited this chapter a second time, it needed it.


	13. Alliances and Enemies 6

_Personal Log - year 7, month 8_

I'm worried about Sasuke. He's been seven for a while now, and I know what's coming for him. No kid should have to go through that. The Uchiha are still isolated in their compound, all the ingredients for the coup are still there and I haven't changed enough to avert the massacre. I'm even be sure I should. If I stop Danzo, apart from a knife in the dark one morning I don't even have much to look forwards to. The Uchiha will attempt their coup and then there will be even more dead, just from other clans as well this time. I can't even use the distraction to get me some eyeballs. My research into organ stasis seals is _far_ from complete and I don't even know what _month_ it's going to happen in, let alone the date. I'd have to hang around outside the Uchiha compound every day, they'd get suspicious before the end of the week to say nothing of what would happen if I actually got the day right. I'd have to go in after Itachi leaves but before anyone else comes, because if either party saw me at work they'd _eviscerate_ me and I have no idea how long that window is.

Not even going to send in a useless warning for brownie points, it was fine for the Kumo affair but if I get traced telling the Hokage that Danzo is betraying him I'll end up dead in a ditch. Itachi is ANBU and erratic as hell. He's never even in the same training ground twice and he disappears for weeks at a time. If he just had a predictable schedule I could send him a messenger or something but he's impossible to find, you only ever hear about him after he's left. Shisui is just as bad, though he might be avoiding me because he thinks I'm a fanboy.

ooo

 _Personal Log - year 7, month 10_

The largest source of drop outs were kids who just did not have the chakra reserves to be ninja. It's a hard thing to tell children that their dream isn't happening, but if you tell someone they'll never have enough for even a simple kawarimi and the final test involves doing just that, most give up pretty quickly. Oh, they tried to weed out who had enough chakra and who didn't during the guidance councillor stage, but it's not an exact science and people grow differently so they tend to err on the side of letting them in. Over the next year or so the ones who slipped through are failed out after it becomes clear they can't hack it but importantly _before_ they get taught anything important about chakra beyond extremely basic theory and one or two exercises. Turns out chakra is absurdly hard to learn how to use as an adult without a lifetime of practice so you gotta start young if you ever want it to be intuitive. Obviously this gives me a rather large advantage, seeing as I started at age 0 when the brain is as malleable as it gets. It's almost instinctual at this point. After that though they fight harder to keep every student in the program with every passing year, as the value of the knowledge they have increases.

Those kids I saw in the show? That's not an average class, they're the jounin track, the elite, the top percentile when it comes to chakra-related things - which is really everything to do with ninja combat. It makes up about 3-10% of the total number of graduates and is decided based on potential, politics and test scores. Sakura gets in because she has perfect control and super high scores, Naruto gets in because he has a demon sealed into his guts and thus stupid potential. The clan kids could be hopeless and they'd still probably get a spot because politics but for the most part they pull their weight. Looks like Lee managed to sneak in despite his problems by memorising all the test info through sheer bull-headedness and Hard Work! Ahem. I mean hard work. Need to up my quirkiness quota it seems, I'll invite the class for a meal on the Hokage's head or something.

The rest of the kids without the potential or work ethic are chuunin track, and there are butt-loads of them. Once they graduate they might get a chuunin or special jounin to lead their team longterm, or they might just get shuffled around between different team leaders or even get broken up into 1 man squads for messenger duty or desk work or whatever. These are your workaday ninja. They put the hours in, and do the stuff that happens off screen. Generally speaking, no-one teaches them awesome techniques and they're lucky if they make it beyond genin before earning a shallow grave in a far off land and a spot on the memorial stone. Speaking of awesome techniques, I've got enough spare money for chakra paper now that I can't spend it on explosives. Might as well start elemental training early, it's supposed to take a while.

Good news is, I'm in line for Jounin track! Suck it bitches. The best thing though, I don't even need to train up Hinata like I thought I would! She's on track to be kunoichi of the year all by herself, just inching ahead of Ino. She gives me a run for my money even when I take my weights off. Strong Fist is just the worst matchup ever for Gentle Fist. Supportive Neji is best Neji it seems. I wonder if she'll end up remotely the same kind of person with a proud (but stoic) father and a loving cousin. Sure it means I'll be unlikely to end up with her being quite so fanatically loyal as I planned, but it's hard to care about that when you see those two together. They are adorable. And I can always just let it slip that I'm 'Arashi' if we end up not getting on. Hmm, maybe I could barter that favour for advanced training. Risky, but I'm finally feeling safe from Root so I might try it. After all, it wouldn't do to play it _completely_ safe. No-one got to S-rank without taking chances.

ooo

It was lunchtime, and so time for two boys to play shogi in their secluded clearing. Surprisingly Choiji wasn't here today, leaving them with far too much to eat. Though at first Tetsuo had held a crushing advantage, over the months Shikamaru had caught up and now won an even third of their matches.

"Is that Chakra paper I see in your pocket, Tetsuo?" asked Shikamaru, attempting to bring Tetsuo out of his funk. The boy hadn't seen Sasuke this morning and he was worried. Shisui had died not long ago. Tetsuo was distracted and doing poorly this game. He looked down as if surprised, then smiled and drew out the surprisingly expensive bits of paper.

"So that's where those got to, I couldn't find them earlier. Come on, let's find out what we've got!" exclaimed Tetsuo, forgetting all about the game he was losing. _Complete coincidence. Really. Why are you laughing?_

"Troublesome, if I knew my element my mum would try to force me to practice it." replied back the pineapple-haired clan heir with a long suffering sigh.

"Shikamaru, you're a walking stereotype." teased Tetsuo, before becoming serious. "Really though, how are you going to enjoy your retirement being lazy if you die before you get there? You know the death rates for shinobi as well as I do. Surely the best path for your goals is to become overly strong, then hide your strength and get easy missions?"

"Not this again, I know you're just trying to trick me into training with Gai-san and you." shot back Shikamaru. "I can't do mornings and you know why."

"'Clan secrets' is not a valid reason to sleep in, Shikamaru," mocked Tetsuo knowingly, though they were both aware he had figured out exactly what the Nara Clan does in the forest at dawn and dusk, and thus why they were always tired. "Besides, does it really count as tricking you when you see through it so easily?"

"Clan secrets are always a valid reason to sleep, Tetsuo," replied Shikamaru, entirely factually. He was glad that he'd cheered his friend up. "And I don't see you making a move, could it be that my Yagura castle has you beat?"

Tetsuo scowled and moved a piece, "I don't know how you set that up without me seeing it, but rest assured I shall defeat you!" he announced to the empty clearing, then held up the paper in his hand and turned it to ash. "Fire for me, now stop stalling and take the damn chakra paper."

"I already know my nature, it's fire as well," Shikamaru snickered at Tetsuo's gobsmacked expression and moved a piece, winning the game just as the bell rang to end lunch. "What, did you think a clan heir would be allowed to go through life without finding out?"

"Goddamn it Shika! Did you really just do that!?" shouted Tetsuo, throwing his hands in the air then sealing away the board with jerky motions and striding back towards classes. "What was even the point? You were already ahead, and what was that bull about your mother forcing you to practice it?"

"A good ninja does not grow complacent when he is winning," quoted Shikamaru mischievously, following his friend's angry march. "And my mother does try to force me to practice it, and it is troublesome."

"We'll see how troublesome it is when me and Naruto get some springs and some paint and a bucket of frogs..." Tetsuo's muttered plotting was interrupted by a large knot of talking students outside of the door. "Hey Ino-san, what's going on?" he called out. He and Ino weren't exactly friends, but he recognised that she had her finger on the pulse of the social scene better than anyone else.

"It's Sasuke-kun, he's in the hospital. They say his brother went crazy-" Tetsuo didn't hear the rest of what she said. Didn't hear anything. Sound faded out of the world and the talk of the crowd was reduced to a murmur. It wasn't important to him. It had finally happened.

"I'm going to see him. He needs..." started Tetsuo. The world would never hear what he needed though, as he made a handseal and flickered away onto a rooftop. Then he started running.


	14. Alliances and Enemies 7

The hospital wouldn't let him in the first day, or the second. Something about Sasuke being unconscious from chakra exhaustion followed by vague mumblings about security threats. On the third he came in to see a silent boy sat up in bed and staring ahead blankly. He was in one of the nicer rooms, reserved for the more important wounded. They sat together for a time, but no words were exchanged. There was nothing that could be said. Tetsuo regretted telling Sasuke about his 'parents' dying; it would have made a good opening of shared vulnerability, but he had already played that card for too little gain. At least he wasn't turned away like the other visitors.

On the fourth day Tetsuo did what he always did when he wasn't sure what to do: he cooked. He stabbed a leg of lamb full of garlic spears and rosemary then roasted it until till the heavenly smells flowed through his apartment. Then he went back to the hospital.

"I figured you'd be getting sick of hospital food." opened Tetsuo, closing the door behind him. Sasuke was didn't answer, but he did at least eat. Some time passed like that, eating in silence with the scratch of cutlery loud in the quiet room. Once the meal was done, Tetsuo spoke 12 words. "You can talk when you're ready. Until then, know you're not alone." Then he left. In the too-empty room behind him, tears fell silently onto white sheets.

On the fifth day, as Tetsuo read a very confusing book on basic sealing theory, Sasuke broke the silence. "I... have to kill him." his voice was a quiet, broken thing. "It's the only way for honour to be satisfied. I have to kill my brother."

Tetsuo sighed and looked up at the ceiling from his chair. He'd suspected this was coming, but starting early would have gotten him nowhere. So he turned to his friend in the hospital bed, and spoke truths that lied.

"I have someone I need to kill as well, you know," Tetsuo started. _Many someones really, but this one is a good place to start and if I can get you to hate and mistrust him on a visceral level then all to the better._ "Orochimaru." he pronounced hatefully, and let it hang there for a bit. Sasuke's dark eyes flickered up in something like surprise, but he didn't voice his confusion.

"When I was in the orphanage there were some people I knew. Kids like me." he continued slowly. _Passing acquaintances at best, three year olds make terrible conversation partners. They were technically orphans, like me._ "One day, they were gone. We were told they were adopted, but it turned out to be a lie." continued Tetsuo, genuine sadness colouring his tone. _I knew he was doing it but I didn't stop him._ "He took them, took them to a dark lab and cold cells and cut them apart, rearranged them. Dozens of them. Injected them and made them something else, none of them survived his cruel tests so it was all pointless. All that suffering, for nothing. That sick _bastard._ " he spat, wringing his hands in front of himself like he wanted to strangle something, and he did. Orochimaru was easy to hate, especially when he could have easily been one of those kids in the green glass tubes, hoping desperately for help that came too late. Sasuke was watching him carefully now. _Alright, refocus. Take this where it needs to go.  
_  
"I've been training, and one day I'm going to carve out his heart and burn his body to ash." Tetsuo promised solemnly. _Okay, common ground built, motivation established, now get in on the ground floor before he builds his walls._ He was about to continue, when Sasuke slowly spoke up again. It was clear that he was only half in the room, but it was far more than Tetsuo had expected.

"He said... he only left me alive because I was too weak. That I should hate him." then he lapsed back into silence. At that moment, if Tetsuo had been sure that there were no watchers, he might have told Sasuke why Itachi really did what he did. He would have invented a bloodlimit and claimed he used it to find out. But he couldn't be sure, and the moment passed.

"We need to be stronger, Sasuke. First in the year isn't good enough, not for my goal and not for yours." Tetsuo continued harshly "I'll share what I know, you share what you know. Everything we have that could help put them both in the ground. And when I fight him, you'll be at my side, and when you fight him, I'll be at yours."

Tetsuo held out his hand in a warrior's handshake and after a long moment of hesitation Sasuke took his hand, fire in his eyes.

Later, when he was walking home, Tetsuo considered the events of the evening. _I feel like shit, manipulating a traumatised and vulnerable kid like that. Still, the Uchiha jutsu scrolls will be very useful for my elemental training and general growth, and a competent training partner can only help matters._ Then he scowled, _never been good at lying to myself. Might as well just admit I'm a sucker for a sob story,_ his orange eyes turned contemplative, _could I still kill him, if he were to defect?_

 _Yes. Not without regret, but without hesitation. For the lives he would end, I would end him.  
_  
ooo

Time passed and the two of them trained. Sasuke retreated into himself, but not as much as he might have. He smiled less, laughed less than before and was quicker to anger. He did still laugh occasionally though, and he did still smile from time to time. Many of the Uchiha scrolls were written in text only the sharingan could see, but what there was was still far better than what Tetsuo had access to before as a clan-less orphan. They took the best moves from what they knew; Strong Fist, the Uchiha style, Konoha Standard, and put them together. The style was jagged, so they fought until it was smooth.

Every night before he went to bed, Tetsuo would use his chakra till 30% remained, the optimal level for growing reserves. He would take a candle and try to control the fire, or float a leaf, or do continuous body flickers until he felt sufficiently empty. He still trained with Gai on the weekends and some mornings, increasing his weights only slowly to avoid stunting his growth. With his newfound motivation, Sasuke rocketed ahead of the rest of the class. Tetsuo was only able to stay ahead because he already knew many of the lessons, and could ignore them in favour of chakra exercises and theory scrolls.

He researched poisons and acids, venoms, anaesthetics and deadly compounds. And if the librarian thought his choice of reading matter odd? Well it was a ninja village and many things were odd, so she did not mention it. He learned basic seals theory until he could advance no further without a teacher to ensure he did not blow his limbs off, then he started on the process to learn Rasengan. He pranked with Naruto and argued with Kiba, who he had never seen eye to eye with. Shikamaru overcame his disadvantage at shogi, beginning to win more matches than he lost and the two boys strategised about matchups and tactics and ways to fool an enemy and before they knew it they were in their fourth year, and the chuunin exams were coming to town.

A/N Well, there goes the heartfelt stuff. Time to swing back to cheeriness


	15. Days of Summer 1

It was the final, public, phase of the Chuunin Exams and Konoha was hosting. This year, like every year, it was a series of matches in the arena. The excitement had been building for weeks and the roar of the crowd was fierce, as was the stink of the crowd. It was midsummer in Fire Country and while deodorant had been invented in this world, it had not been taken to the sublime peaks of effectiveness that Tetsuo was used to from home. A small gaggle of academy students had managed to snag some fantastic seats by dint of having multiple clan heirs in the same group. So far they had watched three matches, each ending in either a knockout or surrender.

"This next one Sachiko who is a fierce kunoichi from Waterfall who overcame all to fight for her love..." Ino explained to Hinata and Sakura. Shikamaru tuned it out and turned to Tetsuo.

"Why are they all here anyway? It was supposed to be just the four of us," groused the pineapple haired Clan Heir.

"Well it was going to be me, you Choji-kun and Sasuke, but then Sakura-san heard Sasuke was coming and we couldn't put her or Kiba-san off." Tetsuo started explaining, only to be interrupted by the irritated Inuzuka.

"Bite me Tetsuo, I like watching a good fight and these are the best seats even if I have to share them with your smelly ass." he snapped. Akamaru barked once for moral support, then settled down in his jacket.

Tetsuo continued as he had not be interrupted, he knew it would annoy Kiba more than any response he could give. "Then Naruto heard Sakura-san would be here and he made it clear he was coming or I'd find my boxer drawer full of glue. Sakura-san brought Hinata-chan who brought Neji-san and Ino-"

"I couldn't let you corrupt Sasuke-kun any further!" declared Ino, "he's mine and until he realises that I must not leave him alone with boyfriend stealers like you Tetsuo-san." Shikamaru snickered while Sasuke let out a huff and folded his arms. He had learned that denying it only added fuel to the fire. Tetsuo certainly didn't help matters - he found the whole misunderstanding hilarious.

"I can neither confirm or deny that I am corrupting Sasuke for my own nefarious ends." deadpanned Tetsuo unhelpfully, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"I think it's romantic," began Hinata quietly, a small blush beginning to redden her cheeks. "Star-crossed lovers beating the odds and adversity to come together over a love of fighting..." she let out a small sigh.

"I can neither confirm or deny that it is romantic." continued Tetsuo over the sound of Sasuke choking on his own rage and Ino and Sakura's shocked gasps. Naruto had joined Shikamaru and Choji in laughing at the normally stoic Uchiha's frustration.

"Wait, so all of that time together and you're just using him? Have you no heart Tetsuo!?" exclaimed Ino, "look, Sasuke-kun is blushing! That proves it!" she continued, pointing at Sasuke who had indeed gone red with fury and embarrassment. Luckily he was saved from having to protest his continued heterosexuality by the announcer calling for the combatants to take the stage.

The two fighters took their places in the centre of the arena. Sachiko the kunoichi from Waterfall was dressed in a short blue battle kimono with her village's symbol on the back and arms. In her left hand she held a long straight blade and down her shoulders flowed blindingly white hair. Facing her was a small blonde kid with long hair over one eye and a high top ponytail, wearing loose black clothing. Tetsuo took a closer look, he seemed familiar. Almost as if...

"Ooooo, might want to hold onto your seats for this one. I've heard of that guy. His name is-"

ooo

 _Sachiko PoV_

"Deidara, you are going _down_ for what you did to Yuki!" screeched the Waterfall Kunoichi, locking eyes with the subject of her ire across the dusty arena floor. Even now she couldn't stop seeing Kasuhiko's shattered expression at the knowledge that his life as a ninja was over. _That bastard, I'm going to rip him limb from limb!_

"Was that your team mate? One of the few to experience my art fully, and all he did was scream. No sense of appreciation for all the work I put into the piece." responded the blond, acting slightly peeved. Then he took on a far off expression and continued, "I'm hoping the crowd here will give a better reaction, hn."

"Oh you are so dead!" shouted Sachiko, glaring at the young boy as if he had personally crippled her friend. Which, to be fair, he had.

"Begin!" called out the faceless referee, leaping backwards.

Sachiko opened with a probing spread of kunai which were handily dodged, then started on handseals. _He's fast, let's slow him down then._ "Starch Syrup Capturing Field!" she called out, vomiting a torrent of clear, sticky resin across the arena. Covering the walls, the floor, everything apart from a small island of dryness where she stood. She lost track of him momentarily, but there was no-where else for him to come down except facing her on the island.

"Did you think you could catch me with that?" Deidara asked mockingly, landing on the patch of dry ground, "like I'd be that slow, hn."

"So you're quick are you? Doesn't matter, you can't use your explosions if you're in the blast radius." Sachiko shot back fiercely, she was panting slightly from the chakra drain but still _charged_ with her sword in hand and hair flowing behind her like an avenging angel. The crowd roared at the sight.

"You're an idiot, and my art lasts an instant." he retorted, seeming disappointed. He blocked each swipe of her sword with kunai in hand, but he was hard pressed and losing ground.

"No wonder you're single." Sachiko replied with a sharp grin, _darting_ back and winding up for a powerful slice at his chest. He used the moment to drop his kunai and _flicker_ through a handseal-

Abruptly there was a statue in front of her. She tried to abort her swing but it was _too late_ and she brought her other hand up to guard-

 _Kzzzt- **kthuk** -crump  
_  
She flew back screaming, her arms in tatters. At the end of her elbows were chunks of _meat_ and _oh god it's just like Yuki oh god.  
_  
ooo

 _Tetsuo PoV  
_  
"Winner, Deidara!" called out the referee, though the crowd's applause was muted. Watching a 14 year old girl scream and cry tended to put a damper on ones mood. Normally shinobi were stoic or unconscious when they lost, which was a lot easier to watch.

"She didn't see him hide the statue while she was busy." opined Shikamaru, sounding slightly shaky but hiding it with the bravura of the young who refuse to seem weak.

"It was a bad strategy anyway," replied Tetsuo, looking pale himself; the smell of blood was getting to him. "He could always have jumped and exploded at least once and just landed on the syrup. So long as one explosion was enough her plan was doomed. It was impressive he could do the replacement technique with so few seals though."

Sakura looked sick and rounded on the boys "How can you talk so calmly after that just happened!?" she shouted, confusion and anger written all over her face. "You sound like you're discussing the weather!"

"It is sad, but that is the lot of shinobi. We discuss it to avoid making the same mistakes ourselves." replied Shikamaru, then a frown creased his forehead. "Is this your first time spectating Sakura-san?"

"Hiashi-sama first brought me to watch when I was three. He said I needed to see what it was to be a ninja." continued Hinata demurely.

"I had to scrimp for my first ticket at six," added Tetsuo sadly. "It was hard, but I needed to see it. I had to be sure I could do this."

"But look at her." replied Sakura weakly, turning to see the young kunoichi being carried out of the arena. She had stopped screaming and was heaving racking sobs at the end of her career, blood soaking into her white hair and leaving a trail behind her. Ino took Sakura into a hug.

"It is the same for most young clan ninja." Ino spoke softly, "we always knew this might be our end. That's why we enjoy what we can, when we can. The light is twice as bright when you see the darkness coming."

"Speaking of enjoying what we can, Neji-nii-san, is Sachi-chan here today?" asked Hinata, trying to steer the conversation onto cheerier topics.

"Hizashi-san has her near the clan seating" replied Neji stoically. A tiny smile crossed his lips at the mention of his sister. "Hideki-sama is still too young to come with Hiashi-sama of course."

Throughout the whole exchange Naruto hadn't said a word, only stared down into the now empty arena.

The fights continued and while none were quite so brutal, the fun atmosphere of before had fled from of the group. Replaced by serious expressions and a few watery eyes.

A/N Deidara doesn't get his mouth-hands till later, but he's born with his explosion release. So I figured he'd have to make his art the night before. Like many artists, he started off detailed and classical then eventually shifted into the abstract once he was sufficiently jaded that the complicated stuff could no longer get him his jollies.

I was trying to write a fun update all the way through, but then I realised Sakura's parents had probably never taken her to see the exams and hooo boy is that something to drop on a 9 year old. I suppose in canon she never got to go _see_ what being a ninja involves, maybe Naruto didn't either. I was trying to capture the suddenness and brutality of battle, so yeah, moooood whiplash.


	16. Days of Summer 2

_Later on the day of the Chuunin Exams_

Shikamaru and Tetsuo walked home through the darkening streets of Konoha. Shafts of light speared between the buildings so that sometimes it seemed they wandered through a hall of pillars. As they walked they discussed the fights of the day; what worked, what didn't and what they would do differently. They noted useful techniques worth trying to learn, and spitballed new strategies based on working those techniques into their current arsenals. Finally, they turned to other subjects.

"Tetsuo? You made sure Sakura-san came to watch today. Why?" asked the young genius as he walked. "I know you don't like spending time with her, yet you loudly talked about going with Sasuke-san when you knew she was within earshot, then tried to tell her not to come. You are well aware she'd do the opposite of what you said just to spite you, even if her beloved _Sasuke-kun_ wasn't going."

"Oh did I?" replied Tetsuo blandly. Behind his mask, thoughts raced. _It was actually a happy accident that she overheard me, but let's see how much credit you'll give me, Shika._ "Well, why do you think I would do that?" he continued misleadingly, carefully not stating one way or the other if he had actually done it on purpose.

"You didn't exactly make it hard to figure out," replied Shikamaru dryly, "you hardly do anything without a reason." A fond smile appeared, "I still remember the first day we met, when you just happened to have a shogi board and just happened to talk to the only person likely to take you up on a game out of all the kids in the school. Even your pranks are probably trap and stealth training."

Shikamaru didn't seem offended, so Tetsuo just chuckled at the irony of Shikaramu being right about everything else but wrong about his overriding point. His dry chuckles echoed through the empty streets. "Can't slip anything by you, can I? You're a scary kid sometimes, Shika."

"Says the guy who was playing Yamanaka tricks on his first day at the academy, _without ever having met any Yamanaka._ " Shikamaru retorted, "anyway, I know what you were hoping to achieve, I saw her face just as well as you did." He turned serious, "that is one kunoichi who will try her hardest in taijutsu class from now on. What I don't get is why you did it for _her_ in particular. There's a half dozen girls at her combat level that don't hate you like she does, quite the opposite in fact." He snickered.

Tetsuo groaned, slumped his shoulders. "Don't remind me. I was hoping the rumour about me and Sasuke would keep them away, but it just seems to _encourage_ them. If they're not going to stay away I might use them to simulate stealth training or something instead."

"It's your fault for replying the way you do, and you know it. 'I refuse to confirm or deny that our private training time is both sweaty and fiery'. You knew exactly what you were doing. Now don't change the subject," shot back Shikaramu, stifling his laughter.

"Well, Sakura… It just hurts a bit to see a girl with potential like that waste it just knowing the answers to the questions she's asked. She could do so much more than just memorise information," answered Tetsuo both truthfully and entirely misleadingly. "And the teachers praise her as if book knowledge will make up for mediocre practical skills in the field." He shot a quick look towards Shikamaru. "It helps, we both know it helps, but it's nowhere near enough." Tetsuo sighed. "You ever see her trying the leaf sticking exercise the first time, or the leaf hovering exercise?"

"Not that I remember," replied Shikamaru, wondering what his friend had seen that he hadn't.

"First time. She got them first time. Just bam, and done." Tetsuo smacked his hand into his palm with a resounding _crack_ and started to grin. "It took me days to manage that. Substitution took her two weeks, clones longer but now she doesn't even make smoke when she does it unless she wants to." The grin vanished. "And the teachers just stopped there. Three jutsu, down pat quicker than anyone else who didn't start early and they don't bother teaching her more. Who do you know that can match that? Because I don't know anybody. I got all mine through Hard Work!" Shikamaru laughed at his burning embarrassment; he knew where that phrase came from, and exactly what it meant that Tetsuo had let it slip. Tetsuo rallied and continued speaking. "If she were a clan kid they'd be teaching her every jutsu under the sun and crowing over their new genius. Maybe she hasn't got the reserves to be a full jutsu specialist but her potential is still up here," he gestured with his hand, "while the reality is down here."

"Huh. You really care about this, huh Tetsuo." Commented Shikamaru, taken aback by the unexpected rant. His voice became knowing, "are you sure you're not…?" he trailed off grinning, leaving his meaning obvious.

"Sweet merciful Kami, no! I like redheads, not pinkettes and she's way too young." Sputtered Tetsuo, then froze. _Fuck, I'm not supposed to be saying this to Shikamaru, he's way too smart to be giving hints._ Fortunately, Shikamaru did not immediately assume that his friend was a prophetic cross-dimensional reincarnate. Funny that. He was still quite confused however.

"Too young?" exclaimed the Nara, shocked, "what's that supposed to mean? You're only a few months older than her."

"And how old does she act, huh? Like us?" retorted Tetsuo, desperately trying to salvage the situation. _Distract him, distract him, distract him,_ "you can't tell me you'd want to go out with someone who can't keep up. I don't see you asking Ino out!"

"Not happening!" replied Shikamaru with a shudder. "Have you seen her with Inoichi? She's got him wrapper round her little finger. She'd do the same to me!" They were both quiet for a time as they contemplated that horror. They silently decided to move to cheerier topics. "So, that match," opened Shikamaru.

Tetsuo winced at the memory. "Match four, Deidaras' first match. That was messy. Maybe one day she'll be able to pick things up with chakra threads, but that's a maybe. The chakra system in her hands will be completely ruined, the tendons as well."

"No clean death, no kockout, instead she gets maimed for life. Just like that, career over," continued Shikamaru sombrely. Death was understandable, even accepted among ninja, but the idea of being left useless and unable to work? That would eat at them. As lazy as Shikamaru acted, he was still a clan shinobi through and through. He would spend his life fighting because that was what his clan required, even though it might not have been what he wanted. The idea of being useless to his clan was galling to him - to say nothing of the other things fingers were useful for.

"No second chances in our career, Shika." Finished Tetsuo, then he paused and considered, making a decision. "Hey Shikamaru, come join our training. Sasuke and me. I want to start work on my second element while my mind's still young. You could learn fire at the same time, give you something to redirect your shadows off."

"You're starting a second element?" asked Shikamaru, surprised. "Troublesome. You don't even have one down properly yet."

"Well the Hokage has five, and the sooner I start the sooner I finish." Replied Tetsuo, slightly defensively as Shikamaru snorted. _Naruto started on nature transformations after 9 years of shaping chakra._ He reasoned. _I've had 9 years of shaping chakra. Can hardly blame me for starting early under the circumstances._ "Anyway, what do you say?" his tone turned heartfelt, "I'm serious about this Shika. I want you to live long enough to retire and spend all day cloud watching and playing shogi with old gimmers." They both smirked. "Come give it a try. Nature transformations are easy, you don't even have to move when doing them. Then you can lay on your back and tell your mum that you're working."

Shikamaru shot Tetsuo a dirty look that spoke a thousand words about how he knew exactly how long Tetsuo had been working up to this and could see every deliberate step he'd made along the way. The argument was still convincing, even when he could see the manipulation at work. He'd been shaken today, he wouldn't admit it but he had. He could also see the intent behind the manipulation, and it was hard to be upset with someone who just wanted you to live. "All right, I'll come along. But I reserve the right to be a layabout!"

"Thanks. I mean that." said Tetsuo, his tone heartfelt. They continued walking for a while until they were nearly at the Nara clan gate.

"Hey Shika, you know what this means?" asked Tetsuo, grinning inanely with too-sharp teeth. In a flash of insight, the young genius understood his entire thought process.

"No you don't. Don't you dare! My clan will kill me." replied Shikamaru, though he also sported a grin.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that Shikamaru's addition to our _private training sessions_ has made things at least 50% hotter." Tetsuo crowed as he bounded away cackling.

"Tetsuo!" Shouted Shikamaru at his retreating back, then turned towards his home. His friend could be troublesome sometimes.

Softly, at the edge of his hearing so that he couldn't be sure he hadn't imagined it, a response drifted back on the wind.

"Kaneda!"

ooo

A/N The characters are _finally_ old enough for me to write proper character interaction into this thing. My god, do you know how hard it is to make 6 year olds say interesting things? I am so very glad that we are past that now, aren't you? Anyway, now that this version has caught up to the updates on SV and SB we'll be returning to the more normal and sane ~1 update a day.


	17. Days of Summer 3

A/N Parts in both quote marks and italics _"like this"_ are being spoken in English.

ooo  
 _  
Personal Log - year 10 month 1_

Sakura seems like she took the lesson of the Chuunin exams to heart. Shikamaru too. Sasuke wasn't… too happy to have a third wheel in our training sessions, but he accepted my explanation that Shikamaru was smart and would know stuff that only growing up around jounin could teach. Things we wouldn't even realise we didn't know. He looked sad for a bit at the reminder he was clan-less, but that's just how it is. Also, good god can Shika shift when he puts his mind to it. He only puts in an hour to my three but I think he's still learning nature transformations faster than I did.

Sakura's focusing on throwing kunai and senbon for now, though with her chakra control she could make a good jutsu or genjutsu specialist. Or a healer, obviously. I might gift her some poison or paralytic, ones I've built an immunity already. Paralytic senbon would suit her. Who knows if she'd accept though, she still hasn't forgiven me for my continued 'crazy overreaction'. I still say it's perfectly reasonable to hit her back every time she punches Naruto! Who knows how much brain damage she heaped onto him over the years? Sure he heals the physical brain cells but there's no guarantee they regrow in the right order for him to keep the knowledge. Maybe she'll lighten up once I stop him from asking her out every few days -come on dude, tone it down- you're just going to make her rejecting you into a reflex action.

Luckily the Hokage somehow knew that Naruto had seen something traumatic and straightened him back out right quick. _No_ idea what he told him, but it was apparently very convincing because he wants to be a ninja, if anything, more than ever - though he is taking it slightly more seriously. Can I just say? That shows a _scary_ level of both surveillance and social skill. The Sandaime Hokage is terrifying. I've been hiding lessons in our pranks - kid doesn't even realise he's learning stuff - but that's nothing to what the Hokage apparently pulls every day of the week. It's been subtle stuff; nothing that'll help him not be dead last, but plenty of things that are useful.

I took my own lesson from the Chuunin Exams. Deidara made chuunin, though luckily he didn't maim anyone else. They were smart (and quick) enough to surrender when he got them locked down. Lesson learned: ninja world doesn't care if you're a sociopath so long as you follow orders. Seriously, who makes 13 year olds fight each other in a death game? What is this, Battle Royale? The goddamn Hunger Games? There has got to be a better way to evaluate people for promotion. When Naruto is Hokage there are going to be _changes_. I'm just glad I wasn't born in Kiri. I would have noped out of there so hard it'd trail a sonic boom.

Turns out calling your attack names actually has a purpose as a mnemonic device; helps a lot while you're learning, so I call mine out in English. Confuses the crap out of people because it's nothing like they've heard before. Fortunately, everyone thinks I'm a genius, so whenever I do something impossible like invent an internally-consistent language they just file it away under 'genius things' and forget about it. Shika got on my arse about it having such weird, complicated grammar rules and spellings, and I claimed it was a counter-intel measure. Try saying mauve, gauze and gauge then tell me that English makes sense. I checked the library, and English doesn't seem to be a thing anywhere so It should be safe, and it's worth the small risk to avoid announcing my moves in combat.

I was flip-flopping on what element to choose for my second. Being fire natured I'd have a hard time learning water, though the Hokage and other people have ended up with all five so it must be possible. Then I heard the Sandaime Tsuchikage can use earth style to fly by _manipulating gravity._ All of my yes, all of my want. I'm going to be on that so hard that my dick will leave a crater in it. On a related note, I may be able to literally, physically do that if I learn that gravity technique. One of the fundamental forces of the universe and he can toy with it. I wonder if he's ever tried bending space-time... probably not. They haven't had an Einstein or a Hawking in this world so they might not even be aware the two are related. Though they use do space/time jutsu I doubt they realise that gravity distorts space/time. And even if they get that, it's doubtful they'd realise the implications. The wonderful, glorious implications.

Kakashi must be avoiding me, because I've never seen him once. Admittedly, my training time with Gai is earlier than he or any sane person would be awake. Still, I smell wet dog sometimes. And can I just say? Ninja senses are awesome. I can see decently in the dark, my hearing is great and my sense of smell is so much better. That means my sense of taste is better as well, which is just fantastic. The hearing is nice too. Last life I overdosed on loud music and gigs. I had to learn lip-reading just so I didn't have to ask people to repeat everything 3 times.

Anyway, Gai said I'm finally old enough to learn how to open the first of the eight gates. I'll be honest, I choked up a bit when he told me. Sharing secret techniques like that is a _big deal_ here. It just doesn't happen, because if you know their techniques you know how to beat them and that is someone no ninja wants out there. It's a death sentence. Generally only genin teams and a person's own children get this stuff passed on to them. I wasn't sure he was ever going to teach me, but apparently 7 years of training with him makes me close enough to being his son/apprentice that I get to know his ultimate techniques. Even if I still haven't caved to his insistent pressure to wear green.

I think if I asked, I could move into his place and get adopted. I haven't asked though. I have my freedom after the orphanage, and I am _never_ giving it up again. Plus he might frown on my poison workshop.

ooo

It was Saturday, and the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon as Tetsuo walked to the training ground. Normally he would roofhop or body flicker as practice but today it was important he be in the best possible condition when he arrived. It was an important day, because today he was going to learn to open the aptly named Gate of Opening, first of the eight gates. From within his pack, he could smell a selection of dried meats, preserves and strange breads. There was also several sealed cases of ingredients and spices as well as a frying pan, because when Gai says to you're to skip a week of school you damn well bring something to eat.

 _Unlike most things related to chakra, this one would actually make sense to old world scientists_ mused Tetsuo as he walked. _It just releases the limiters that normally stop you from using 100% of your strength, with a consequent increase in injuries as a result._ He turned into the clearing at training ground 14 and turned to watch the sunrise. _Tendons and ligaments aren't designed to take 100% of muscle power. Still, doesn't matter if I'm injured so long as the enemy is dead as a result, absent other tactical considerations._

Presently, Gai entered the clearing and stood beside Tetsuo facing the feeble rays of the sun reaching through the treetops. He looked severe as a granite cliff as he turned to Tetsuo and began to speak in a tone more serious than Tetsuo had ever heard him use before. "Before I teach you any more about the gates, understand that they are each a double edged sword holding a terrible price. For each gain in power, you will pay a greater price in pain and suffering. The price of the final gate, is death. You must swear to open them only under my supervision, or when it is the only way remaining to save lives."

"This I swear." replied Tetsuo solemnly.

"Very well." finished Gai. They stood for a time, teacher and student.

"The first gate, the Gate of Opening grants 5 times your normal strength for a short period of time, at the cost of great pain and a short period afterwards when you will be Incapacitated!" Gai announced, once again enthusiastic to get started. It was a little like flipping a switch, Tetsuo noted and revised Gai's ranking upwards slightly. "Learning to open each gate is much harder than the one before, so you should be able to learn to open the first gate quite quickly! There is also a high risk of injury, so first we shall perform a Youthful Warm Up and then you shall meditate!"

Knowing that Gai's version of a warm up took two hours and involved climbing the Hokage monument at least once, Tetsuo dropped his pack and got to work.

ooo

It was late afternoon, on the fourth day of training and Tetsuo had been hard at work all day. He remembered for the hundredth time the instructions he had been given and fumed. _'Reach into your head and feel the chakra of your mind. There you will see two nexus of power within your brain, you must open the left one by spinning the chakra. When you are done, pulse it in the opposite direction', h_ e thought sarcastically. _Might as well have told me tie a knot in a string with my shoulder blades, or asked me to draw what purple tastes like_ he ranted internally, a fierce scowl on his face. _Alright, so maybe if I do_ this _._

 _Nothing? How about_ this _? Still no? Okay, what the shit are_ those _things?_ He wondered, groping at the currents of chakra within his mind. _It looks like it's attached to the Chakra Brain system..._ "Hey Gai-sensei, I think I found them!" he called out, getting to his feet.

Gai stopped knocking holes in a log with one extended finger and came over. "Very well, my Youthful Kouhai! Know that I believe in you! Do it!" he shouted with all the enthusiasm he could muster, which was a great deal indeed.

 _Okay,_ thought Tetsuo, _I just reach into the left one and twist like_ this _._

He went rigid, and there was a wet _clrack-snap_ sound as overworked muscles damaged bone and tendon. He collapsed like a marionette with its strings cut, falling to the ground with a drumming patter.

"Tetsuo-kun!?" Gai was at his side in an instant, worry clear on his face.

 _"Gai. You must be Gai. Similar."_ Stated Tetsuo calmly in the language of his first birth from his place in the ground, expression utterly blank. For some odd reason, foreign babbling coming from a face less expressive than a theatre mask moments after collapsing did not seem to comfort his teacher. His arm jerked up, intended to land softly on Gai's shoulder. Instead, it flailed out in a wide arc then hit the floor with an agonising _snap_. He moved as if he were a puppet with strings pulled by an enthusiastic child. A sharp twist of the neck whipped his head round to look at the damaged limb. _"Hmm, problematic."_

"Tetsuo-kun! I must get you to the hospital At Once!" exclaimed Gai loudly right into his face, setting his ears ringing. Then he picked him up in a bridal carry.

 _"I just need to reach into this bit here,"_ noted Tetsuo serenely, _"and pulse."_

Unconsciousness claimed him.


	18. Days of Summer 4

_Rushing wind, scattered phrases,_

"..tendons torn here, here and here.."

 _snatches of light,_

"..two broken metacarpals, one fractured proximal phalanx.."

 _moments of feeling,_

"..need to re-seat the shoulder.."

 _Pain._

"..training technique.. .. ...the Gates? On _purpose?_ Are you insane!? Haruhi, brain scan, now!.."

 _Darkness..._

ooo

 _Sasuke PoV_

Even as Sasuke dodged and deflected Hinata's blurring palms, he was aware of his surroundings though sight, sound and intent. Naruto and Tetsuo had taken to throwing paint bombs with no warning at all at the _worst times._ Tetsuo may be off training some risky yet nebulous 'secret technique', but Naruto-dobe was still around somewhere. Waiting. At first, his taijutsu scores had suffered from the distraction but he was slowly clawing it back to stand even with Hinata again.

He _darted_ under a high strike, _twisted_ back in a simultaneous dodge to his left shoulder and counter-kick with his right leg. Chakra pushed his grounded foot beyond the normal limits of traction, allowing him to pull off a surprisingly fast rising side-kick towards her ribs-

Her arm in place to both block his kick and disrupt the leg's chakra-

Earth tore and grass flew as he kicked off the ground, turning his momentum into a backwards flip, but now he was on the defensive as she _surged_ forwards struck with a blinding series of moves, forcing him to give ground. He wasn't worried though, he was exhilarated.

Fighting Hinata was like solving a 3-d puzzle in realtime requiring every trick you knew and often more than that. Her palms couldn't be allowed to come into contact with anything, even with your own, lest you lose the ability to make a fist. He steadily backed away under her assault. Knowing that she didn't need powerful strikes Hinata could focus on speed to the exclusion of all else and did so happily. Always darting towards a vital point or trying to force him into awkward positions, but he was prepared. He was about to slip into the first test of the Flowing Fist - a modified version of their personal style Interceptor Fist - based around flowing deflection and rapid counterstrikes.

"Hey did you hear? Yui-chan said she saw Tetsuo-kun being carried into hospital." His concentration snapped.

Searing palms hit both arms, bringing a startled hiss from his lips. Hinata stopped and bowed; with his arms useless the fight was over.

"No way, nothing could hurt Tetsuo-kun!" replied one of their interchangeable fangirls fiercely.

"Sasuke-kun could," responded another, merely stating a fact of life.

"But would he want to?" giggled a third.

He nodded to Hinata then took off, towards the hospital. Later the young kunoichi would call it romantic, and later he would care. Not now though.

 _Don't be dead don't be dead don'tbedeaddon't bedeaddon'tbe dead._ The single thought wrapped around his mind and refused to let go. Memories of _then_ flickered across his mind, day seeming like night as he soared across the rooftops; too slow to outrun his thoughts. He'd already lost everyone once and _no more!_ _This far and not one life more._ Something deep within him refused, he would not allow it.

He tore into the hospital's reception and gained the information he needed from an overworked secretary then dashed through endless white corridors to room 117. Now that he was at the door though, he hesitated. Possibilities danced through his head, mocking him with images of his clan, his family. A shuddering breath passed his lips, then he squared his young shoulders and opened the door. Inside was a crumpled-seeming Gai sagging forwards on a chair, guilt in every angle of his body and every corner of his face, overlooking a bed holding a very small, very still form.

"Gai-san, did he, is he...?" Sasuke couldn't finish the question.

"The doctors say he should be fine," Gai replied quietly looking upwards at the Uchiha, "though he shall have to skip training for a time." The thought seemed to make Gai shrink in on himself. "He should awaken soon."

"What happened?" asked Sasuke, having regained his composure as relief flooded him.

"We were working on a technique that changes the chakra systems within the brain to boost strength." Gai explained, turning back to the bed. "The doctors say it interacted poorly with his bloodlimit."

"I... have blood... limit?" drifted up a dazed voice from the bed, "since... when?"

"Generally you have a bloodlimit since birth." Replied Sasuke sarcastically; now that the danger had passed he could return his customary mask.

"Tetsuo-kun, don't try to move yet, your bones were fixed but the doctors say it will be days before your tendons are fully repaired." Some of the tension left Gai's body as he continued, "sometimes the best way to get back to training is to conserve your strength. The doctors say you have an extra structure in your brain that they have never seen before. They believe it to be part of the Nakano family bloodlimit. Medical records apparently show your family having similar structures."

"Oh," Tetsuo responded in a small voice, having gained a tighter grip on consciousness. "That makes... sense."

"Hn. Idiot. Only you could fail to notice your own bloodlimit." Noted Sasuke, his voice was raw, but his dark eyes flashed with humour, "how did you even manage that?"

"Took hard work, and.. perseverance." Replied Tetsuo, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards, "Takes... effort to be this.. oblivious."

Gai seemed to come to a decision. He stood, then bowed low. "Tetsuo-kun, as your teacher I have failed you," he straightened. "The med-nin have made me aware that opening the Gates has more... risks than I knew, especially in cases such as yours. I am afraid I cannot teach them to you. I am not sure I should to anyone."

Tetsuo's eyes flew open at this, clearly shocked. "You must!" there was an edge of panic to his voice as he continued, "not to me, but someone!" Then he seemed to remember something, "I forgive you Gai-sensei, but your father's techniques must live on."

 _There's something more there,_ thought Sasuke, _who knows what it could be with him though, Tetsuo hardly ever makes sense except when looking back months later when you realise he was secretly teaching you something. Wait a minute, those paint balloons! The sneaky bugger._

Gai broke into tears at his student's forgiveness and apparent devotion. "Tetsuo-kun, it does me good to see you so Youthful even under adversity!" the ocean called softly from beyond the walls while a spotlight seemed to focus on Gai, Sasuke had heard of this effect but not quite believed it.

Tetsuo smiled at this, then his body seemed to remind him that he really ought to be unconscious. "That's... good..." he whispered, then passed out. This was a lucky break for him as Sasuke was just about to tear into him about three months of awareness training disguised as pranks.

ooo

 _Tetsuo PoV_

Tetsuo sat in his bed, and went over everything that went wrong to bring him to this point. Naruto and Shikamaru had come and gone hours earlier. It was late and he was alone in the dusk twilight of the hospital, his eyebrows dawn together tight and his chubby cheeks unaccountably serious for one so seemingly young. It was dark, but he could see fine.

 _Stupid, idiotic, unthinking, I_ knew _it was a risky technique and I knew that Gai has a warped view of risk and safety. Why did I assume his precautions were adequate? I would have lost_ nothing _checking over the situation,_ he raved within the privacy of his head. _I'm supposed to be better than this. Why would Gai know anything about teaching this kind of thing? So far as I know he learned it from his his dad and I'm the first person other than Kakashi who he's shown it to, and he cheats with the Sharingan! But no, I heard the words 'week long training trip' and completed the goddamn pattern. You go with the kung-fu master and do whatever crazy training he thinks up and at the end you get a power up. Story book thinking! Unacceptable!_

 _Alright, enough of that,_ he forcibly calmed himself, _time to be productive. What changes should I make so that I do not repeat the mistake? One, I should have insisted on trying anything risky in the hospital courtyard or round the back. Luckily training field 14 is one of the closer ones… wonder if Gai chose it because of that. Two, I should have at the very least tried to convince a medical practitioner to be on standby and checked to make sure it was safe beforehand. Three, when I noticed my brain didn't 'look' like how he described I should have taken a step back and asked Gai and said medical practitioner about it. He probably would have told me to do it anyway, but I still should have asked._

 _Okay. Bloodlimit. In retrospect having a second brain floating about is a pretty obvious bloodlimit. I doubt dimensional reincarnation is a normal part of it though... probably. Is there anything else that's always been there I should re-evaluate? Any thing that sets me apart from baseline?_ He stared across the room orange eyes flashing in the gathering dark, then cracked a grin and laughed at how obvious it was. _It's night time and I can see just fine. Have I ever needed to turn on a light? No. Outstanding. What else?_ His thoughts turned back to the Chuunin exams, when he had smelt the blood from so far below in the arena, then took a deep breath through his nose. A _ntiseptic, bleach, dust, trees, Gai, Sasuke.  
_  
"Haha!" he exclaimed, his happiness at finding a new superpower loud in the empty room. "Why did I ever think everyone had this? They'd have smell tracking classes in the academy." A frown crossed his brow. "Wait a second, smell, sight, hearing, sharp teeth," here he touched a finger to an unaccountably sharp tooth, "do I have a damn cat theme!? Explains why me and Kiba never got on at least. Wait, am I going to grow a tail?" A horrible, dark, terrifying thought crossed his mind. His voice became small and breathless. "The fangirls. They'd never leave me alone."

After a moment of contemplation he dismissed the possibility with a sigh of relief. "If I was going to get a tail it'd be growing in by now, plus mum never had one. I'll need to test my capabilities against baseline ninja kids to make sure they don't share my senses, but this is great!" He shouted his joy to the now sleeping hospital, an orderly came in and admonished him to be quiet. He lay down and continued his train of thought in his head.

 _Well, it's no sharingan, byakugan or kagemane but I'll take it. Okay, I lost the gates, but they would have eventually killed or crippled me if I'd known them. Fuck, better keep it under my hat or they might try to make me a tracker instead of a frontliner. Still, super senses. I refuse to call it a cat bloodline, I'll claim it's tiger blood. Take that Charlie Sheen._

He drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face.

ooo

The day after, the Hokage read the notes he had received from one of his ANBU who was on routine surveillance of an injured and therefore vulnerable-to-attack asset. He smiled. It was the smile of one who has had an old - if unimportant - mystery answered. Under his desk, privacy seals glowed merrily. "I always did wonder what the Nakano family bloodlimit was, they never did tell. A sensory package eh?" he mused, "well, something to keep in mind."


	19. Days of Summer 5

_Personal Log - year 10 month 3_

I've been looking into how this world works at the library, turns out chakra is distributed pretty damn unfairly over the world. Everyone has _some_ or else they wouldn't be breathing, but most civilians have reserves too small to do much. The sage gave everyone chakra to communicate and it seems you don't need much to talk compared to how much you need to shoot fire or teleport. Of course, there are plenty of civilian that do have reasonable chakra, often born clustered about 9 months after attractive, dashing, dangerous ninja from exotic hidden villages came to be stationed in town.

I have a theory that Jiraiya originally became a spymaster and spent so much time out of the village not because he liked the work, but instead to seek new pastures to sow his wild oats and to avoid angry new mothers being able to find him to try to force him to 'accept his responsibility'. Being hit on by Jiraiya would be a bit like having an astronaut/rockstar come to town who can fly and shoot explosive rainbows, then admit that he's a bit of a beast in the sack and a fan of bondage. The guy must be drowning in it if he has any game at all. I haven't knowingly met any of his kids yet, but it can only be a matter of time. I'm keeping an eye out for white hair. Kabuto…? Scary thought.

Anyway, if you get born with decent chakra you'll generally get scouted. Even 5 year olds with the stuff leave their peers in the dirt and rumours spread fast in small towns. The shinobi intelligence networks are _impressive_ considering their tech base. Maybe a passing Hyuuga sees your more developed chakra system and calls it in when he gets back from his mission. Or in the past an Uchiha would take a look. Point is, you soon get a knock from a very serious ninja at your front door asking if you want a place with the ninja, with the samurai or as a monk. If you don't take the deal then you don't get to learn how to use chakra. If you've really got serious potential and no clan to back you up maybe they'll offer to keep your family in comfort, or even seal your chakra away if you refuse. I suspect Root has their own people looking and pays some of these kids a visit before Konoha finds them, or after they stop paying attention. If anyone notices it'd be easy to just explain it away as poaching by Kumo or Iwa, or bandits recruiting. Blaming Kumo is practically a national sport round here.

Turns out, many ninja techniques are illegal without either having a headband or being in the process of earning one like I am at the academy. Even the more basic theory is tightly controlled in the same way as a rocket launcher or minigun might be back in the old world. Those simple scrolls on chakra moulding I found in the library? Pretty damn illegal to take those out the village or spread the knowledge. That's why you don't see earth clones building houses or water jutsu irrigating the fields except in times of extreme drought and why _farmhouse no jutsu_ isn't a thing people use. They never get taught, and even with good teaching it takes a long time to learn those types of things. Flailing around without instruction... well I tried it and I didn't get very far before I had Gai.

ooo

Tetsuo had considered completely hiding his advanced senses, but quickly realised that he could either hide them properly and graduate with untrained senses, or do the _smart_ things and not stymie his growth out of fear that people might see him growing. He would need every advantage he could get. Still, that didn't mean he couldn't be discreet about it. No need to make it too easy for people to figure out; the less people who knew, the better.

He was sitting in a training ground he used rarely enough that it was probably not watched but frequently enough that it wouldn't raise flags. It was a still day, and he looked exactly like he always did and appeared to be carrying exactly what he always carried - yet another reason why storage scrolls are wonderful. It wouldn't do to start making erratic movements in a village with Hyuuga and Inuzuka. Why, you might start to look suspicious. No, it was best do look like you were doing exactly what you always do and meeting Naruto to plan pranks. It was also best to have a slightly erratic schedule so that if you ever _did_ need to do something, it could be explained away as no more odd that normal. Hey, it's not paranoia if you're in the same village as Danzo.

"I know you're there. Come out." He called out to the empty clearing. He had been repeating variations of that phrase every few minutes for a while now. Appearing omniscient is 1% timing, 99% talking to thin air.

Bushes rustled. "How do you do that?" asked Naruto, bounding into the clearing. "I was sure I didn't give myself away that time!"

"Ah, well a wizard never gives up his secrets." Replied Tetsuo, putting on a wise voice.

"I keep telling you you're a ninja," retorted Naruto, reviving their ancient argument. Truly it was as old as the stones themselves, so long as the stones were about 2 years old.

"And I keep telling you that ever since I learned grand fireball I am officially a combat-wizard." Tetsuo adopted a deadpan expression and waved his arm carelessly. "Wizards shoot fireballs, it's just a fact of life. There's no fighting it."

"All that reading must have made you strange Tetsuo, you never used to get like this before you went to the library," Naruto noted. "Anyway you said you had something to show me, so what are we doing today?"

"The same thing we do every day Naruto, get strong enough to take over the world. Mua Ha Ha Ha Haaa." Tetsuo intoned deliberately while rubbing his hands together.

"Really strange. Be careful with those books Tetsuo." Naruto replied, looking concerned. "You might get sealed and then you'd have to drink the blood of the living to keep the seal from exploding."

"The Hokage tells the weirdest historically accurate stories. And it's not my fault you have no appreciation for the classics." _Or that you were born in the wrong universe to get my amazing references, philistine._ Just before Naruto could start talking again, Tetsuo clarified his earlier statement: "Today, we are going to train our sense of smell because it turns out me and you have super senses."

"We do? That's awesome! Since when!?" shouted Naruto exuberantly, jumping up and punching the air.

"Since birth, generally." Replied Tetsuo dryly, conveniently ignoring the fact he only recently figured it out himself. Then he grinned, "and they are pretty awesome. Anyway, _we_ are going to use," he pulled out a storage scroll, rolled it on the floor and poofed a wooden case covered in little drawers out of it, "this!"

Naruto studied the case from all angles, brows furrowed. "An underwear drawer?" he asked dubiously. "Are we going panty raiding? Because I'm not sure I want to train my nose on that sort of smell." Tetsuo took that golden opportunity to facepalm with the vigour one would naturally expect from Gai's student. It was audible several training grounds away.

"No, not an underwear drawer! Look." Tetsuo pulled out some of the little drawers to show the contents, "They each contain something that smells different. We're going to practice till we can tell the difference between them, and then we're going to try and track the different smells. After that we're going to hide them in each other's houses and around school at random times and see if the other finds them," he explained. _I'm just glad that Konoha village policy seems to be 'if they're old enough to henge, they're old enough to buy almost anything we sell'_.

"Oh, okay, that makes sense." said Naruto, looking first relieved, then apprehensive and slightly wobbly on his feet. "Wait a minute, you never make sense! What are you up to!? What's... that smell?"

"You are catching on _fast_ these days Naruto. Good job!" congratulated Tetsuo. "Unfortunately, not fast enough. I've been gassing this clearing since I unsealed the drawers. Don't worry, you'll be fine in about 10 minutes." A _nd that's 90 minutes sooner than anyone else would be, Kyuubi healing really is crazy._ "Constant Vigilance! Haha!"

Naruto slumped to the floor unmoving while Tetsuo smiled beatifically. "I still can't believe they just sell this stuff to students." He announced to the air, taking a contemplative tone. "Ingredients in the stores, recipes in the library. Sure, it's non-lethal and they probably don't expect pre-teens to pull out a chemistry set but still! Eh, they teach fireballs to seven year olds and sell pre-teens explosives, why am I even surprised?" He looked around for a moment, "...and now I'm talking to myself. Ugh."

He pulled out a pen and ink, then started doodling on Naruto's face, grinning all the while. He'd probably pay for it later, but by the time Naruto, Sasuke, himself (and to a lesser extent, everyone else) graduated they'd be constantly aware of their surroundings. So very worth it. _Plus,_ he thought as he drew something anatomically impossible on Naruto's forehead, _it's just too much fun to stop now._

ooo

A/N Not... sure what happened there. Should be fixed now though. Tetsuo has been slowly dosing himself with various poisons for years to build up an immunity.


	20. Days of Summer 6

It was the first day of a new beginning, the moment when many metaphorically moved one step closer to maturity. The sun was bright, the skies clear and the breeze carried hints of dust and brickwork baking silently in the village. Tetsuo walked into the academy classroom with a smile on his face, saw Sasuke sitting in the corner and took the only seat next to him.

"Hey, Sasuke, it's our second to last year. You know what that means?" he opened in a dangerously cheery tone.

"Please tell me you aren't going through with this." Replied Sasuke with the Uchiha version of a wince on his face; a very slight tightening around the eyes.

"Oh, well that too, but it also means I'm legally allowed to experiment with explosives again." Tetsuo dropped this conversational bomb casually, the effect was instantaneous.

"Hn?" Sasuke was suddenly very concerned for his wellbeing. "How did you get banned from using explosives? Do you mean to tell me all the crazy things you've been doing have been what happens when you're _restricted?_ "

"Pretty much. My pranks would have been so much better with the occasional explosive." Testuo looked wistfully out the window. This worried Sasuke, who discreetly swept his eyes over the nearby rooftops.

"Hn." Retorted Sasuke eloquently, satisfied that nothing obvious had been set up since he'd checked this morning. "We all know that your 'pranks' are modified ambush training, why do you keep calling them that?"

"Mostly because Naruto hasn't figured it out yet," answered Tetsuo honestly.

"Still? I don't get why you hang out with that idiot," he shot back dismissively.

"Orphaned kids gotta stick together," replied Tetsuo blandly. _Still got that rivalry thing going on, eh Sasuke?_ He mused, _well I guess some things are eternal._

"Yeah, like I believe that." Sasuke looked around deliberately, "there's plenty of orphans in class you don't talk to."

"Okay, fine." Replied Tetsuo genially, happy that Sasuke was looking underneath the underneath - what they called using your noggin here. "He's absurdly loyal, his chakra reserves are off the charts and there's a good chance we'll end up on the same team." He answered, mostly accurately.

"There's the Tetsuo I know," smirked Sasuke.

Tetsuo sat up and took a deep breath, then spoke to the classroom in a very loud voice. "Sasuke I know you wouldn't want a girlfriend that can't keep up with you in combat! And you know I would never want one who couldn't detect me when I'm sneaking!" The fangirls broke into frantic whispered conversation and started making plans to use this new information. "No, there's the Tetsuo you know."

"I can't believe you actually went through with it." Sasuke put his head on the table in front of him, arms over his head but eyes still on his friend. "You're never going to get a moment's rest you know."

"Yeah, well these girls (and that one guy) will end up in battle one day. If I can abuse their childish infatuation to improve their survival odds and up the difficulty of my stealth training into the bargain then I'm totally going to do it." Then Tetsuo's face morphed into an immense grin. "Besides, it's true. You'd never date anyone who can't cut you, you kinky bitch."

"I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer," responded Sasuke, looking away.

"Because you know it's true." Tetsuo returned fire.

"Hn." Sasuke interjected smugly. Fortunately Tetsuo spoke fluent Uchiha by this point and was able to translate it to 'Got you now!' This briefly confused him, before realisation set in.

"Hey Sasuke, I'm noticing that I can't get up off the chair," remarked Tetsuo, trying not to sound worried.

"Yeah, it'll do that." The Uchiha had a small, sharp smile.

Tetsuo's eyes narrowed, suddenly all business. "Delivery method?"

"Contact paralytic on the seating and desk," explained Sasuke. "Three drops, grade 14-c"

"I could call for help," noted Tetsuo.

"You could have, but... now your vocal cords are frozen. You've got half an hour till it wears off." Glee danced in dark eyes. "Try to act natural." Sasuke hopped over the desk to leave.

Orange eyes widened questioningly.

"Me?" he responded to the unspoken question. "I'm off to tell the fangirls; that paint ruined a lot of shirts, you should have used water bombs."

Eyes widened further in panic. Sasuke walked away.

 _Point to Sasuke. I may have created a monster._ A thought occurred to him. _I'd better not get my first kiss in this life same as the last one. Being too intoxicated to resist makes for a terrible story. I mean seriously. 'How did you get your first kiss grandpa?' 'Well, I was off my arse on green scrumpy jack unable to move when this crazy goth chick noticed and started macking on me.' So unromantic._

 _I'll probably be fine, they're too young too go so far._ There was a predatory squee in the distance. _Didn't know that was possible,_ he mused wonderingly. The cry was taken up by others and a distant rumble started to approach his position. _Oh crap. I'll get you for this Sasuke._

ooo

Tetsuo considered himself in the mirror. "Damn I make a sexy lady," he made a half turn, ran fingers down his figure and made an approving noise. "Shika, back me up here."

"I am deeply uncomfortable with this," replied Shikamaru from his place at Tetsuo's kitchen table, light streaming in from the window behind him. "Why am I even here?"

"Because I need someone who's not Naruto to check this over for mistakes and also I'm bribing you." Stated a taller and rather more redheaded than usual Tetsuo in a disturbingly feminine voice. He had kept the orange eyes, and the red shirt the same size. Shikamaru shuddered. "Now cheer up, I made crispy Thai belly pork with rice and lemony carrots."

"Where did even you find the time to learn to make all that stuff?" asked Shikamaru, changing the subject in the hope of avoiding having to ogle his friend. "I swear you spend every waking moment training in some way. Just thinking about how much exercise you do is exhausting. And what's 'Thai'?"

"I couldn't tell you that; you enjoy the challenge too much. Keep picking at that mystery Shika, maybe you'll figure it out some day." Replied Tetsuo mirthfully, "and Thai is a style of spice blend." Eyes turned sharp, "seriously though, quit stalling. I'm not getting caught out on a job because you felt too awkward to run your eyes over me."

"Phrasing. Ugh, fine, though still I don't believe you're actually using that in the field," Shikamaru capitulated with bad grace, turning his fiendish intelligence upon the subject before him. Who was… posing. Unsettlingly. "You may have gone a bit… large."

Tetsuo made some adjustments. "Better?" he asked, giving a twirl.

"More believable," replied Shikamaru, eyes giving a once over then steadfastly returning to the table.

There was a puff of smoke as Tetsuo returned to what passed for normal around here, followed by glorious smells as the oven was opened and its contents disgorged. The table was steadily weighed down with plates and platters. "You are just too easy to fluster Shika." remarked Tetsuo.

"Don't! You are not trying that on me more often," interjected Shikamaru, well aware of how his friend thought.

"Well, fine Captain Buzzkill," pouted Tetsuo. "Still, Naruto is a genius sometimes." Shikamaru looked askance at him. "He took an academy technique that's been in use for decades and dropped two handseals off it. It's impressive."

"I thought you just skipped them." Shikamaru frowned, re-evaluating his classmate, then his frown melted as he took a bite of crisp, crackly belly fat and soft spice infused meat.

"Nope, it's a one seal jutsu by design," came the response from around a mouthful of sweet, sharply intense carrots. "Even if it is more... limited."

"So I was meaning to ask earlier before I was... distracted," started the Nara.

"I bet you were." Interrupted Tetsuo playfully. "I. Am. Fiyyyyyne."

"Moving on, why are your nails painted pink?" finished Shikamaru, desperately trying to change the subject to something less awkward - for him at least.

"Because Sasuke somehow managed to get his hands on a contact paralytic I'm not immune to then set the fangirls on me." The Nara Clan heir winced sympathetically, he had been the unwilling subject of Ino's ministrations before now. "Seriously, how did he find 14-c? They don't sell that in stores. I've looked."

Shikamaru leaned back from his empty plate with a satisfied expression on his face. "Well, at least now I know who the man is in yours and Sasukes' relationship."

"Hah, please, I'm manlier than him even when I'm a woman." Shot back Tetsuo with a lazy grin. "Now come on, I need to figure out a way to get back at him. He does not know what he has wrought by beginning this new phase of war, but he shall learn." Anticipation burned in his features, and his eyes seemed to glint with malicious intent.

"Oh yes, he will learn."


	21. Days of Summer 7

A/N Wrap up episode here. Getting all this stuff out the way in time for graduation and then I can finally get to the senseless brutality of conflict. I honestly thought starting out that this whole growing up thing would take 10 updates total. Then I got 8 in and realised I'd only covered 6 years. So I figured I'd get efficient, spend an update a year and fast track this whole academy deal in 6 updates at most. We're now 22 updates and over 30,000 words in and I am honestly far happier things turned out this way. Still, it proves I'm as prone to the planning fallacy as I ever was. On the upside I've managed to average just under 2000 words a day, which is pretty respectable I think.

ooo

 _Personal Log - year 10 month 8_

Chemical explosives just seem so... _unrefined_ now that I've had years to get used to paper tags. Chemical explosives don't even save me much chakra since I have to use low power paper tags to detonate them. Even those seem less impressive when you can breathe giant fireballs but it pays to be prepared. I made up some magnesium flares in case I ever need to blind a fucker, and good god were they _expensive_. I could only make a few. Thermite was just right out, aluminium is almost more expensive than gold here by weight. Heh, reminds me of this old thing. When Napoleon was rocking around, conquering people and doing his thing he gave aluminium cutlery sets as gifts to his real close mates and everyone else had to 'make do' with gold. Really, having access to storage scrolls has given me a bit of a hoarding instinct. I'm pretty sure I could justify bringing a 10 foot pole with me on missions if I'm not careful.

Sasuke's getting pretty good at evading my attempts to get him back. Naruto too, but I don't have a score to settle with him.

ooo

 _Personal Log - year 11 month 1_

I officially have no idea how Naruto got Rasengan down in just 3 months. The first stage took me two months, sure, that's not so bad I thought. The second is coming up to a year now and I'm just starting to get it, even now I only pop the damn ball half the time. I don't know if Naruto is secretly a genius or I'm just being stubborn by doing it one handed but this thing is crazy hard. Making chakra dense enough to pop that thing is just kicking my miniature arse. Rasenshuriken, despite being ludicrously dangerous and useful, will forever be beyond me. Naruto may be able to regrow his arm's chakra system after fucking up, but I only get the one and I am not nearly arrogant enough to think I can get it right first time. Worse, I think my neural plasticity is tapering off, or I'm just learning harder things. Still not as bad as if I was an adult, but the drop is noticeable over enough time. I'm just not learning as quickly as I was when I was six. I should have started Rasengan earlier.

In cheerier news I finally got Sasuke back. He dodged the first few tries but I managed to get him just after a spar with Hinata, then hog tied him in ninja wire and dropped him off at Ino's front door with a note saying 'please take care of me'. I think she was having a sleepover with some of the others as well. Critical hit. The fangirls are calling it a lovers spat, I guess they'll believe whatever they want to believe. No idea what happened to him after that, but we eventually agreed that the use of fangirls in warfare or peacetime contravened the Geneva convention - as I insisted we call our agreement.

It's time I learned some medical ninjutsu. Might have left it a bit late...

ooo

 _Personal Log - year 12 month 4_

I simply didn't have the time to learn proper medical ninjutsu. You have to go through what is basically medical school and learn a huge amount of anatomy to make it work right. Also, the rules of medic-nin basically say you're never allowed to fight anyone until you learn Tsunade's awesome healing move that only she has ever been able to master. Sorry Sakura, I've probably butterflied you out of ever learning that move now. I don't even know how she swung that the first time round. I suggested she learn some anti-venom techniques in case her team mates got in the line of fire, so she took up a part time course at the hospital. Really, they're desperate for more medics over there. Med-nin training is not pushed hard... or at all really at the academy.

Anyway, while I would appreciate the reduction to my death rate not getting into combat would bring, I'm kinda going to need to kill people to save the world. So I prioritised. I joined Sakura at the night course (she still doesn't like me, but it's better than before) and learned some incredibly specific jutsu. The proper medics would probably crucify me if they learned what I took from their lessons but it turns out you only really need to know the anatomy of the bits you want to heal. It only even worked because I've been manipulating chakra since I first drew breath in this world. I now know exactly two medical jutsu. One is good for optic nerves, the other is good for arteries and blood vessels.

Many fish lost their eyeballs to give me this training. I learned the first because I don't want to be standing in front of a dead Pain like a lemon unable to get that sweet sweet Rinnegan. The second is intended to stop me or my team mates from bleeding out when something inevitably goes wrong. I'll be honest, it's a patch job. I'm pretty sure it would only buy me a few day's time if I use it, I'm just not good enough at capillaries to spread them across a large enough area so things would probably eventually turn... necrotic. Then I'd have to either excise or amputate depending on the effected area. It'll get me home alive - probably - but then I'll have to have the whole vein network torn out and re-grown and a whole bunch of other problems will probably have cropped up. If the fish I tried to keep alive after doing this are any indication bad things would happen. Suffice to say, there are good reasons besides lack of chakra control that they don't teach this to everyone who can manage it. It's really, really bad practice and any self-respecting med-nin is just going to hate me. If keeps me alive long enough for real healers to get to me though, then I don't care.

ooo

It had finally happened. Tetsuo could not help but take in the sight that haunted him in every reflective surface he passed. Shame bore down, heavy and hot. It was green. It was tight. There were legwarmers. He had lost his latest bet with Gai.

"Hey Tetsuuuooooooooo..." opened Naruto, trailing off with his mouth hanging open.

"Not. A. Word." Hissed Tetsuo, teeth bared. This world had finally found something that he could not endure with a smile. He was wearing green spandex, and it was horrifying. This week was going to suck.


	22. Genin Days 1

A/N Took a while because I wanted to decide properly on teams and characterisations. Also, this is one of those things that needs to happen so we can get to the good bits but I don't enjoy writing. Really, I'd like to be able to write a really fun story with Sasuke-Shika-Tetsu. It was not to be however, because that would make no sense at all in-story. Hitai-ate just means forehead protector, which is such a goofy phrase that I can't bring myself to use it.

ooo

It was the day of the graduation exams, and the students were waiting for the final part of the examination. The written test had passed like a breeze, the combat and throwing tests were done and the students were sitting the the classroom waiting for the final portion of the test where their jutsu would be rated. Tetsuo was sitting in a cluster with the other kids of the rookie nine, minus those whose names had been called. He had long since decided that he would pretend that every test was very difficult to avoid resentment, but in all honesty it was mostly trivial to him. He could cheat the memorisation. The theory was interesting enough to learn properly because it was either learning about a fascinating new world, about how to rearrange reality according to his whims or could someday save his life, and the rest he already knew. He was therefore confident he had aced it.

Last month he had finally announced that he and Sasuke were not and never had been dating, and that it served them right for reading too much into what he refused to confirm or deny. As a result Ino - and to a lesser extent Sakura - had warmed up to him considerably. Hinata, on the other hand, had looked like a bag of kicked puppies whose dreams had been trodden on. It had been adorable and made him feel incredibly guilty. That the fangirls had taken it as encouragement and stepped up their game was sad but necessary if he didn't want rumours about his sexuality to still be floating round years from now.

"Nakano, Tetsuo." Came the voice from beyond the doorway.

Tetsuo clasped arms with Shikamaru, nodded at Sasuke and grinned at Naruto. "When I see you again, we will all be genin." He announced confidently, receiving a few sick smiles in return. It seemed the next generation of armed killers were not above an attack of nerves. Then he marched off through the door to where the white haired Mizuki and the tanned, scarred Iruka were sitting. Iruka was serious but Mizuki was more genial. You'd never even know he was a traitor.

"So, let's see your substitution Tetsuo." Asked Iruka.

"Huh, not my clone?" replied Tetsuo absently, enforcing his will upon the world to switch with one of a pile of logs and back again.

"Nah, next student gets clones, the one after gets transformation and so on." Explained Mizuki easily, "anyway here's your hitai-ate. See you at team assignments."

ooo

"Team Seven under Kakashi Hatake: Hinata Hyuuga, Naruto Uzumaki, Tetsuo Nakano." Read out Iruka-no-longer-sensei from his place beside Mizuki. There was a moment as Kakashi completely failed to show up on time which Tetsuo used to high five Naruto, smile at Hinata and then settle in for what he was sure would be a long wait as the other teams were called out. _This week,_ he mused to himself, _was a bit of a weird one. Upside, Mizuki didn't betray the village. Downside, there's a potential traitor with access to the village's children that I can't do anything about. Not worth the risk given his minimal potential for harm. Upside, this world seems to run on cause and effect instead of narrativium. Downside, my dubious foreknowledge is_ even less _trustworthy than when I first got here. Upside, I got one of the teams I wanted. Downside, Naruto got asked to perform a henge in the exam, not a clone technique, so he passed and didn't get shadow clones._

"Team Eight under Kurenai Yuhi: Shino Aburame, Kiba Inuzuka, Sasuke Uchiha," continued Iruka. Kurenai alternately faded into reality or rather more boringly walked through the door depending on if you'd been good enough to break her genjutsu earlier. Kiba clearly had not, as he first started then made a crude comment about the teacher that would soon have the power of life and death over him. Tetsuo looked at Sasuke, flicked his eyes to Kiba and shared a commiserating grin. His eyes then darted towards Shino then Kurenai and gave an approving eyebrow raise. Sasuke gave the Uchiha version of a smug grin, then turned to his new team. The four left out the window, the rare formal occasion calling for the use of a door having passed. _Naruto without shadow clones, Tetsuo_ considered, _it really doesn't seem right. Those are his_ thing _. That will have to be fixed as soon as possible. I mean, it was dubious he would get them the same way, but I had hope. I even mentioned how cool they were to make sure he picked them if he did get the scroll. Without those I can't train him up fast enough to make up for all those years of neglect. At least we've got Kakashi who I know for sure can do shadow clones._

A team composed of people Tetsuo had never bothered to get to know left next, and then: "Team Ten under Asuma Sarutobi: Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, Choji Akimichi," concluded Iruka. Shikamaru smiled at Tetsuo, while Choji waved and Ino strode ahead to their jounin-sensei with her head held high. Then the three clan heirs left with the son of the leader of the village in a move that was clearly not politically motivated at all. No, perish the thought. Clearly he was chosen for his stellar teaching skills and work ethic. Sakura was not present, having been dragged off by a disgruntled Anko. Tetsuo's sharp ears had detected her muttering things about the Hokage which were technically treason under her breath.

Iruka and Mizuki left as soon as they could, leaving only the new team seven in the classroom. Tetsuo suspected that they had buggered off to go get drunk now that they finally had a little time off with the end of the school year. They only had a week to get their drank on before a new wave of snivelling brats would arrive, so he could hardly blame them.

"Gai told me about this Kakashi fellow," announced Tetsuo once the room had grown quiet. "I figured we'd be here a while, so I brought lunch!"

It was, all things considered, a pleasant if slightly awkward lunch. Naruto was loud, Hinata was quiet after politely complementing the food and Tetsuo told them about their new teacher. That he was strong, that he knew over a thousand jutsu, that he held the dog summoning contract and that he valued loyalty to pack above all else. He did not mention his father's suicide or his team mate's death, nor his implanted sharingan. He did note his apprenticeship to the fourth. Really, Tetsuo was regretting that he had never really made the time to get to know Hinata properly beyond the respect they each held for each other's fighting skills.

Still, they would have plenty of time to get to know each other. Her eyes apparently did not yet have the range to scour the city for their errant teacher, which Tetsuo waved off. Time wore on. Eventually he and Naruto started telling Hinata about old pranks they had pulled, and decided that a new one was in order.

ooo

 _Hatake Kakashi PoV_

Kakashi had enjoyed a pleasant, sleepy morning. He had visited the memorial stone, read his porn while walking down the street, - causing mothers who recognised the orange book to either blush or turn their children away - and bought some very nice plant food on Life Street where the botanists plied their trade. Eyeing the sun high in the sky he decided that now was the time to go make his introductions. _Hopefully by now they'll have got to know each other a bit,_ he thought idly. _Sensei's kid deserves a decent chance, but I'm not going to pass anyone who turns out to be trash. Mah, perhaps a different test this year though._

A quick shunshin to the roof, a few bounces towards the academy and in no time he was standing outside the door that held this year's candidates. Opening it, he was confronted with a sight of true horror.


	23. Genin Days 2

A/N While we're here, can I just remark on the fact that Konoha calls their leader the motherfucking _fire shadow._ That is some supervillain shit right there. Real Ra's al Ghul style. Like, if you were in a Bond film and you heard that the Third Great Fire Shadow wanted to see you you'd be expecting moon lasers and ninja assassins and torture chambers. Which... yeah, you wouldn't be too far off either.

Also, there were going to be so many dwarf fortress references in this update, but it is just way too obscure for me to justify it. Plus they weren't very funny.

ooo

"Naruto, my Rival!" Screamed a black haired Youth in a high pitched voice. He was sporting a bowl cut and green outfit with orange leg warmers, "your most Youthful pranks have been most excellent Training!"

"Tetsuo, I am afraid their time is at an end!" Howled back Naruto sadly, blonde hair resembling a shining helmet in the sun and thick eyebrows apparently trying to conquer his face one follicle at a time. He was wearing a similar outfit in orange with green leg warmers, "the Hokage has forbidden me from continuing them now that I am a genin of our Green Village!"

Kakashi looked in from the doorway, his shock hidden in an instant with the ease of long practice and repeated exposure to Gai's eccentricities. The third genin of the new team looked to be halfway between horror and laughter.

"Naruto, I am saddened by this knowledge!" shouted Tetsuo enthusiastically, then he glanced to the side and widened his eyes pretending to notice their new sensei, "You! My mentor's rival! You shall be our Eternal Rival!" he announced, dramatically thrusting his finger to point at Kakashi.

"Yosh!" agreed Naruto, hands on hips, "we shall wake you from your bed every morning at 5 to join our most youthful training! Will that not be fun!?"

"Mmm, what was that?" asked their silver haired jounin instructor, falling back on his well developed survival tactic and feigning deafness.

Tetsuo sighed loudly, then both boys were concealed in a puff of smoke as they returned to their more normal forms and clothes. "Man, it's no fun when he doesn't react like that," complained Naruto.

"Well that's why I do it," explained Kakashi mildly. "My first impression is, that you seem like a handful. I'll see you on the roof." He added before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

"I was hoping for more of a reaction," remarked Tetsuo as they made their way up the stairs, "I mean, that's got to be one of his greatest fears right there."

"I've got something that'll work on him," promised Naruto, "if he's as pervy as you say he is." Hinata reddened slightly at this.

ooo

 _Hatake Kakashi PoV_

Kakashi had fled the room for the academy rooftop. He'd thought he'd been ready to deal with this. Guilt crashed down on him, failure compounded by failure. Mistake upon mistake. A lifetime of it. _I wasn't there with them, I wasn't there for him._ His panicked internal monologue ran, _I couldn't! It wasn't, there weren't!_ He winced, _get a hold of yourself, they'll be here soon and I refuse to break down in front of three green genin._ Kakashi made a heroic effort to centre himself before they arrived, but he was still thankful that his mask hid his face when the three joined him on the roof. It was so much easier to lie with just one eye.

"So why don't you tell me a bit about yourselves?" Kakashi drawled in a carefully constructed lazy voice, "likes, dislikes, hobbies, goals for the future, that sort of thing."

"You first," replied Naruto, "Tetsuo told us all about you so we'll know if you're lying." _Hmm, well he's smart enough to be comparing evidence,_ considered Kakashi, _but dumb enough to tell me about it and render it mostly pointless.  
_  
"I like some things, and dislike others." Kakashi responded fippantly, "you're all too young to know my hobbies. My goals for the future? Well..." he merely trailed off with an eye smile. "Your turn."

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto!" the kid with conviction, having quickly gotten over his annoyance. It hurt Kakashi to look at him. The blond hair, the blue eyes, the open expression. "I like ramen, ninjas, my friend Tetsuo and the food he makes. I don't like Sasuke, and people who look down on me. I'm going to be the Hokage and keep everyone safe!" _Like father like son I guess. Maybe wanting to be Hokage runs in the family.  
_  
Wrenching his thoughts off that painful path he turned to the next kid, who was vaguely familiar now that the bowl cut was gone. "And you?" asked Kakashi.

"I am Nakano Tetsuo. I like learning, older women and cooking delicious meals to share with my friends, like Naruto." Began the orange eyed brat cheerily with a nod to his friend. Kakashi's thoughts were elsewhere though, _where do I know that name… That son of a bitch, he set me up with Gai's kid! Ugh, and he smells of cat._ "I dislike the naive when their actions lead to more death and pain than the pragmatic, and the pragmatic when they justify pointless or sub-optimal actions as necessary evil. I also can't stand plain boiled carrots. I mean, what the fuck? Are they _trying_ to make people hate vegetables? Because that's the only goal that makes sense."

"Goals for the future?" Tetsuo looked off into the distance, "well, I suppose it is a silly one for a shinobi. This world is bloody, violent and harsh. I would make it softer so as to better suit mankind. I want to save as many lives as possible and keep them happy as long as I can." _Ah, an idealist. This kid would be meat on the front lines._

Tetsuo's tone voice turned dark and his face serious, "and one other thing, more of an ambition. I must kill a certain man. My hobbies involve explosives, poison and trickery," _Or maybe he'd fit right in._ "Oh, and inventing new recipes to try out," he finished cheerfully.  
 _  
Note to self,_ thought Kakashi, _check all food this kid gives you. Fresh genin aren't supposed to flip between emotional states like that. Now, let's see how the clan heir wants me to think she thinks._

The third member of their group was navy haired with a round face, and she held herself in a very proper manner. When she spoke it was serene and confident. "I am Hyuuga Hinata. I like my little brother Hideki-kun, my cousins Neji-nii-san and Sachi-chan and I enjoy walking home on cool, rainy days. I dislike pickles and when people feel constricted by things they cannot control. My hobbies are sparring, flower arranging and making things that help people." Hinata continued calmly. _Ah, finally a normal one,_ mused Kakashi, then steel entered her voice, "there is a promise I have made to someone close to me. I must keep it no matter what."

"Well, aren't you serious, my cute little academy students." Wondered Kakashi aloud, to a remarkable absence of reaction. Thinking they might just be unobservant he pushed on, "The ancient and mysterious bond is formed by telling each other a few things about yourselves. Of course, you'll still have to pass my test to become real genin."

He waited for their angry denials. They looked bored. His eye narrowed, "you knew already." said Kakashi, it was not a question.

"Of course we knew!" shouted Naruto defiantly. "Who wouldn't?

"Gai told me," explained Tetsuo, "Hinata already knew as clan heir and I told Naruto the other day." A sly smile towards his friend, "he flipped out." The young Jinchuuriki's sputtered protests were interrupted when Kakashi continued.

"Well, that's no fun," he deadpanned, "since you knew already I'll just tell you to meet me at training ground 3 tomorrow morning at 6 for the test. Don't bother to eat breakfast, you'll just throw up anyway." His piece said, Kakashi fled in a swirl of leaves.

 _Maybe I could make the test harder,_ a traitorous thought whispered as he started towards the memorial stone where he could calm down and _think_. _They'd go back to the academy for a bit till another Jounin wants a team, they could get another teacher. If they could stay kids just a little while longer, maybe that would be for the best._


	24. Genin Days 3

Dawn found team 7 by a winding river at training ground three. The sunrise was glorious, orange banners of light beaming between the trees and setting the few clouds aflame. It left long shadows behind the three training posts and made the shadowed areas beneath the trees seem deep and mysterious.

"Beautiful, isn't it," remarked Tetsuo in a tone of deep satisfaction. He was smiling slightly as he faced the sun at _precisely_ the right angle to make his eyes seem to glow with inner light. It had taken a fair bit of practice and he rather liked the effect. Most of the puppy fat had melted from his face, leaving high cheekbones and a wide mouth with sharp teeth.

"It's 6 am," said Naruto flatly, "you're not one of those _morning people_ are you?" he asked, sounding as if he had found a dead rat in his sink.

"It is nice, isn't it?" agreed Hinata, momentarily ignoring her tiredness to appreciate the wonderful view.

"Ah, but Naruto. The crisp air, the cool breeze, the dulcet tones of your suffering rolling over the landscape," pronounced Tetsuo in a flowing voice. Hinata tensed slightly

"Suffering...?" asked Naruto, first confused then abruptly fully awake and aware. It's amazing what people can learn when the alternative is suitably humiliating. "What have you got planned? It's too early for pranks."

"No tricks today. In fact, for you and Hinata no tricks ever again." Replied Tetsuo sadly, "It is the end of an era. No way around it though, I can't have you two second guessing me as a habit. It could get us killed. I need you to be able to trust me, therefore I need to be trustworthy." Then he brightened slightly with a sly smile, "well, maybe one more."

"What, have you replaced the grass with snakes and filled my pockets with bait or something?" grumbled Naruto as Hinata became increasingly alarmed. She hadn't been a target herself, but had seen the after effects often enough.

"No, this one's a bit more subtle." Tetsuo smiled softly, "you see this whole time you've actually been doing ninja training without realising it. Situational awareness, reflexes, trap making and response to ambush. I bet Sasuke 50 ryo that you'd figure it out before graduation, guess I'll need to pay up."

"Seriously?" asked Naruto, relieved, "That's a prank? You made me wake up properly for that? Morning people," he finished, then shook his head. _Ugh, you'd think I'd have caught that by now,_ thought Tetsuo. _There's no stigma against learning like the old world. I just assumed... whatever._

"Yeah, well you try keeping up with Gai for almost a decade without turning into a morning person," retorted Tetuso defensively. "after all that, this counts as a lazy start. Even if I haven't seen him as much ever since he went and got himself a genin team to torture."

"Don't you mean teach, Tetsuo-kun?" asked Hinata.

"I stand by what I said." snarked Tetsuo, "I don't know if you've seen Neji-san after a training session, but if he's not shirking then he should be close to collapse."

"Neji-nii-san does not _shirk._ " replied Hinata archly, fists clenched by her side.

"Maybe it would be more accurate to say that Lee, Gai and me overtrain well past the point of sanity," mused Tetsuo, unrolling a scroll, "I don't think I've had a day without some form of training since I could walk." There was a puff of smoke and his team mates stared incredulously at the result.

"Tetsu, why did you seal a _barbecue?_ " asked Naruto, confusion writ large upon his face. "What about Kakashi?"

"Well how else am I going to cook the chicken skewers?" replied Tetsuo, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He made a quick seal and blew a small tongue of flame deep into the coals, then brought out a bag of skewered chicken pieces dripping with dark liquid. The chakra cost was minimal and would easily replenish by the time their teacher arrived. "Kakashi just wanted to screw with us. If you're doing exercise so tough that you'll throw up you just have to eat the right type of food a good amount of time beforehand so you've got time to digest. I should know, after what Gai's been putting me through."

"But he could be here any minute!" exclaimed Naruto.

"It would not look good if we were to be caught doing such a thing." agreed Hinata.

"That guy?" snorted Tetsuo, "Hah! I figure we've got a good three hours before he shows up, maybe longer. I don't think he's been on time for anything since he was a kid. Now come on, we've got veg to slice. If I did this right the chicken should taste of chestnut, once we're done eating you can take a nap and then we'll set up a few traps. We're going to need all we've got to deal with this guy."

It was therefore a fed and well rested team 7 that awaited Kakashi when he finally arrived at around quarter past 10.

Hinata was resting against a training post, Naruto was picking his teeth and Tetsuo was reading a suspiciously familiar orange book. "Hey Kakashi," he waved, orange eyes sparkling, "this porn's pretty good!" Hinata snorted, then blushed. _Jackpot, finally broke that Hyuuga composure._

"Aren't you a little young to be reading that?" Wondered Kakashi as he walked up to the team, who had taken a more alert stance.

"God, don't remind me." Tetsuo shook his head sadly, "I was hoping that some good old fashioned splunge flunging would get the old blood flowing but no such luck. At this rate I'm going to be fourteen before I can spend a lazy afternoon waxing the poetic gecko." Hinata was growing steadily redder while Naruto was looking steadily more confused.

"Those… aren't euphemisms," replied Kakashi, worried about the mental health of his new prospective charge. The kid had been exposed to Gai for years, who knows what could have happened?

"Not yet, and not with that attitude!" snapped back Tetsuo.

"... anyway. It's time for the test." Kakashi remarked, deciding to ignore everything that just happened. "Here's how it's going to work..."


	25. Genin Days 4

"Your mission is simple," explained Kakashi, serious as the grave, "you must get this bell from me. First, you will try one at a time in the forest so I can gauge your combat skills. You will each have 20 minutes to make your attempt. Then if no-one has succeeded, you will have an hour to try again as a team. Succeed, and you will be genin. Fail, and you will return to the academy."

He fairly radiated menace; it blanketed the three of them, choking the breath from their lungs and sapping the strength of their limbs. "Come at me with no regard for my safety, if a move that could kill me will give you the slightest advantage then use it. Otherwise, you'll stand no chance at all," a blink, and he was smiling sunnily again. One mask seamlessly replaced by another, "now, who wants to go first?"

It was of course Naruto who stepped up "I'm getting that bell, no matter what!"

Kakashi lazily removed his treasured orange book from his pocket in response and started reading. "You have 20 minutes, start."

"Make sure you save some chakra for later Naruto, we'll need it for the grande finale." Tetsuo advised.

"Yeah, yeah," grouched the young jinchuuriki in return, "just like the endless pom-pom trap. I remember."

What followed was 20 minutes of the most one-sided stomp in history. Naruto charged: graceful as a newborn duckling he flew forwards, wild kicks whiffing through the air as they completely failed to hit their target. His form had more holes than a Swiss cheese and larger openings than a porn star in a gang bang. Fortunately for him his opponent did not take advantage of them, content to dodge and grin. Furious punches hit nothing and braces of kunai made terrible slaughter upon the innocent blades of grass when Kakashi was abruptly elsewhere, occasionally giggling at something in his book. To his credit, once Naruto realised he was getting nowhere he changed tactics, trying to lure Kakashi into some of the traps they had set earlier. They had been made with cunning and skill, hidden expertly and planned meticulously. There is only so far that cunning can get you, however, if you are not quick enough to exploit the openings created. There is a level of power that can smash any scheme to flinders, and Naruto was simply outmatched.

So he did what any young boy would do in his situation, he brought out the explosives. Tetsuo had made him a small supply to practice with. Normally it would be hilariously unsafe for a 12 year old to play with explosives but Naruto could walk off just about anything short of brain death or dismemberment - which did wonders for his confidence. So paper tags were wrapped round kunai and fluttered in the breeze of their passage, exploding one after another like tossed dynamite. Kakashi quickly grew bored of dodging shrapnel and flickered through hand seals. Naruto sagged to his knees and spent the last five minutes of the test staring into space and occasionally twitching. At the ringing of the bell Kakashi withdrew his genjutsu and Naruto returned to his team mates with a sullen look towards their prospective teacher.

"We'll get him together later, just you wait." Said Tetsuo as he stepped forwards to take his place. His face was blank but his mind was ablaze. _It might have been a mistake not to train Naruto,_ he considered, _but what was the point of that display? Does he just want to show his superiority? I thought he was above such things. He knows we have no chance to get the bells by ourselves. I guess he_ did _get a good idea of how strong Naruto is but there were other ways to do that. Irrelevant really, just treat it as a chance to test his defences and conserve chakra for later until shown otherwise. Keep the weights on and maybe I can surprise him in the real fight.  
_  
This fight was a more cerebral affair, full of probing strikes and testing kicks. Kakashi was damnably slippery though and had the annoying tendency to do exactly what you hoped he wouldn't do and be in the one place you didn't think he would be. Tetsuo set down a grid of explosive tags to try to corral him but the silver haired genius shot electric arcs before him, detonating them prematurely with his own chakra. Eventually Kakashi grew tired, flashed through some handseals and began to speak.

The genjutsu was well crafted, the sound was perfect, the feel of the sun on his skin was warm and welcoming, even the smells were right - which was damn difficult for anyone without a good nose to manage. Kakashi had missed one detail though, the same as almost everyone else who tried hitting him with a full immersion genjutsu: the shadows were wrong. Oh they were perfectly well done and accurate to how most people saw them. Tetsuo had the eyes of a cat though. A normal cat could see 7 times as well as a human in low light, at the cost of a slightly reduced vision in bright light and glowing eyes in the dark. His lack of slitted pupils meant he wasn't quite so good as a true cat, but he still retained the membrane that bounced light back through the eye for a second pass. It gave the world an odd look, where the darkest shadows in the forest were not nearly so dark as they should be and things appeared washed out. He had been careful never to tell this quirk to anyone, so was it any wonder that Kakashi didn't know to take it into account? Let them think he was a prodigy at detecting genjutsu. The less they knew the safer he would be.

The man had been efficient, using the boy's own view of Kakashi to create the illusion, so nearly everything looked right. Then his illusory double moved, and the new shadows were all too dark, the cloth too shadowed. Like a rendered game character walking down a real life street he stood out. Tetsuo was curious though, so he pretended to be taken in.

"You know I heard about you from Gai." mused the illusion in front of him, perfect down to the last hair and yet so very wrong, "He said that you might be one to combine the both of us, a genius by nature and a genius of hard work." Tetsuo blushed at the outrageous flattery "I was curious, so I asked for you in my team. Now that I see what he was talking about, I feel like changing my plans. You can't tell the others if you refuse or I'll fail you all, but how about I make you my apprentice? The other two can go back to the academy till a free jounin comes along. I'll show you all my best techniques, you'll become strongest that you can be. No-one would even have to know it was your choice, what do you say?" 'Kakashi' asked mildly, holding up the bell and shaking it.

 _There it is,_ he realised in a flash of inspiration, _that's what he showed Naruto inside the genjutsu._ "Who am I in the dark, eh?" asked Tetsuo slowly, "do you really think I'd abandon my team after coming so far? Do you know how many times I refused the offer to skip ahead a year, to leave them behind and focus on myself? And now you want me to just give that up?"

"Not a chance, Kai!" the illusion dissolved, and a pulse of chakra to the weights dropped a third off their effective weight. He _flew_ forwards, swinging blow after blow but in the end it was not enough to get even a touch of the bell. The alarm clock rang out across the clearing signalling the end of his turn.

 _Insidious, would I pass this test if I didn't know to expect something similar?_ Tetsuo wondered as he walked back to Naruto while Hinata took his place, the orange eyed boy sent her a grin and him an understanding nod. _It would be so very tempting, probably keyed to exactly what I want. How much research has he done on me? I was hoping for something we could beat together but here I have no choice but to just rely on my team making the right choices. Naruto would and did - obviously - kid had no-one else growing up. Oh sure, the Hokage showed up once a month or so but I was there cooking him dinner round mine when he had no mother. I think he'd walk off a cliff before betraying me. Hinata though... I'll just have to trust her. I've given her all the clues she needs. Heh, funny. After all this practice, all this work and it comes down to trust. How saccharine._

Hinata's attempt was as graceful as you would expect, she danced around her target, hands darting in to strike at joints and vital points. 'At' being the operative word. None hit home, though he did have to use a hand to block occasionally. Either she was saving her best tricks for later, or hand to hand was all she had. Kakashi moved off into the woods away from the others and she had no choice but to follow.

They stood a time, then Tetsuo turned to Naruto and gave voice to his fears. "Think he's asking her as well?"

"Yeah. You know her better, will she take the deal?" Naruto asked, tense and nervous.

"I would have said no, but now that I think about it I realise I don't really know her at all." He replied, deep in though. _This Hinata is so different from the other._

"What do you mean?" asked Naruto, eyebrows drawn together, "you always seemed to get along well enough."

"Well, I only really see what she chooses to show. In class, when we fight, at the barbecue we did, at the chuunin exams, always the same." He looked up, towards the sun high in the sky, "They say you can get to the truth of a person through combat, but in a normal spar all I got from her was grace and competence. I think when she laughed earlier, that's the closest I've come to getting through her Hyuuga trained shell in six years, and it was gone in a flash. Maybe if our lives were on the line..."

"She said her goal was a promise she made, to someone she cared about," noted Naruto, "maybe she wants to protect her little brother?"

"Or a clan thing," added Tetsuo.

"Well, she always said you and Sasuke were romantic." Naruto pointed out with a sly grin, "think she has a star crossed sweetheart she promised something to?" Tetsuo's eye widened briefly, "I know that look, did you want to be her boyfriend, eh Tetsu?"

He feigned a contemplative look for a moment, "...Hmmmmm, nah. I'm not dating till I'm older. No-one our age has tits worth a damn." _Also, that would be creepy as all get up. Not a chance._ S _orry if I butterflied your future wife into liking someone else, Naruto._ He apologised silently as his friend sputtered, _maybe if we live past the ends of the world I'll set you up with someone. World-ending arseholes, this place could be a paradise but they just keep_ fucking it up _. Damn idiots._ His fists shook by his side as he stared into the distance. _I'll have to make changes. World optimisation is looking more and more necessary._

"Hey, it'll be okay Tetsu, I'm sure she'll choose right." Naruto put an arm round his friend's shoulders, "and then we'll kick Kakashi's ass and be the best team ever!" he finished, describing a slow arc front of them with his arm.

"Heh, they'll never see us coming," agreed Tetsuo, _not until it's far, far too late..._


	26. Genin Days 5

A/N " _Italics in quote marks"_ still denotes words spoken in English. Also I decided to be nice and _not_ leave you on a cliff hanger for once.

ooo

Hinata returned from the woods to stand beside her team mates, not quite managing the serene expression she might have liked. Her brow was furrowed and her shoulders slightly slumped. Clearly it had not been an easy decision, and it had cost her.

"Now that you've all shown that you have some level of basic human decency, it's time for the hard part. Your hour starts now." Stated Kakashi blandly, setting an alarm clock onto a nearby rock with a metallic _ting_ then leaping to the other end of the clearing _._

"Hinata I'm curious, what did he offer you?" asked Tetsuo idly. "To me he offered power, and to Naruto he offered undivided attention and many techniques."

Hinata took a deep breath, her voice gave no hint of her inner turmoil. "The chance to become Chuunin then Jounin as soon as possible," she explained calmly. "I shall have to ensure I pay our sensei back in full." Her smile was small and soft, her expression open, so why did the two boys find shivers running down their spines?

"On that note Naruto, how many bombs do you have left?" asked Tetsuo, his voice low to avoid being overheard.

"5 medium, 10 small, 5 smoke." Naruto rattled off quickly, all business now that the timer had started.

"Right, I've got 15, 30 and 3 plus the chemical ones we buried earlier. One wide area fire jutsu, one single target, one earth containment/defensive, one earth offensive, three fast poison blades, four slow knockout and a small amount of gas. It's a reasonably still day so I should be able to use it but Hinata-san you're not immune and Naruto is only half way there, plus it's flammable. I've got my scroll of odds and ends as well. Exactly how good are your eyes, Hinata-san? We need to come up with a plan and for that we need to know each other's capabilities." C _ome on Hinata I've told you all my tricks, reciprocate. I know we're not team mates yet and shinobi are taught to be cagey as hell but I need to know this stuff._

Hinata's internal stuggle was far from obvious by regular standards, but Tetsuo had grown up sparring with an Uchiha most days. The tiniest of changes in expression and body language told a story of reluctance, then partial acceptance. "I can see around 150 meters," she hedged.

"Wait, since when am I half immune?" asked Naruto.

"Since I've been gassing you with this stuff from the age of 8." Tetsuo briefly took in Naruto's poleaxed expression, "Oh come on, did you really think I'd spend so much on pranks without a good reason? You should know me by now, I'm not made of money." His attention returned to Hinata, "now what about the ground? Smoke? Could you see him through those?" he pressed.

"Yes." _Hmm, no details eh? That's okay, I've got what I need._

Naruto perked up at this, "Wow, that's really cool Hinata-chan! With you on our side we'll be the best ninja team ever!"

There was the faintest of blushes. _Not used to such strong praise or did she somehow come to like him without the critical event? Is fate a thing here? They have prophecies and death gods after all. If Neji was right I am going to burn this place to the ground._

"Right, we have limited resources. No point doing the dramatic thing and only waiting till the second try to go all out. Let's blow everything while we're fresh." While he talked, Tetsuo carefully removed his training weights and placed them on the ground - no sense letting Kakashi figure out just how much they weighed. Tactical advantage over looking cool, "Tell me if I've missed anything, but here's what I think we should do..."

ooo

Kakashi stood at the centre of the clearing, bell tied to his left hip. He was surrounded by three genin hidden in the bushes and trees at the three points of a triangle. Coming out of cover, Tetsuo walked out towards him.

"Kakashi! You said to come at you with intent to kill." His voice echoed out across the training grounds - still not the bass rumble of past times but definitely an improvement on when he was younger. "I wanted to be sure of what you were asking. See, we're not exactly average academy graduates and some of our moves are quite excessively lethal. I can't tell you what they are without lessening their effect, but are you completely sure that we should use them?"

"Mah, kids these days are scary," Kakashi mused, putting away his orange book, "so long as it isn't going to destroy the village, use it. You'll need every trick you have." _What an oddly specific warning. I wonder, does Naruto know about the demon yet? It would be quite extraordinarily reckless to send him out on missions without telling him. Does Kakashi know that I know? It certainly wouldn't've been hard to figure out given that I've been hanging out with Naruto since childhood. It's not exactly common for him to get angry enough to leak chakra that feels like Kyuubi but it_ has _happened - and wasn't that a fun lunchtime. I did make sure to overhear some shopkeepers discussing it that one time so I have an excuse. It's not like anyone was_ really _hiding it anyway._

 _Less thinking, more fighting._ "Last warning, I wouldn't go underground if I were you, not if you enjoy having organs. Alright, let's do this. Break!"

Nine figures _surged_ forwards, closing in from all directions at staggered intervals. Seven appeared to be Hinata moving with grace, oversized veins around the eyes bulging identically. Only one left crushed grass behind as it moved. The other two figures appeared to be Tetsuo and Naruto, bounding with speed and enthusiasm respectively. Tetsuo and the Hinatas moved to engage while the Naruto leapt to a vantage point on top of one of the training logs. There was a confusion of arms and legs as six insubstantial clones and two fighters struck. Kakashi should have been incapacitated when the juuken strikes from Hinata transformed into Tetsuo tore into the muscles of his arms, but he took no chances and dodged or deflected both pairs of flashing hands instead of blocking.

Two quick jabs released clouds of smoke, hurling Tetsuo and Hinata backwards and returning them to their untransformed states. Seeing this, Tetsuo threw down a smoke bomb and leapt backwards while Hinata and her clones disappeared into the smoke like raindrops in a lake. _Lets see him beat the gentle fist when he's blind and she's not._ Thought Tetsuo as he _tore_ through the hand seals to create a dome of earth while Naruto made a grid of explosive tags that _appeared_ to have missed a few areas.

" _Earth Release: Rock Shelter!_ " Tetsuo called out in what would appear to be gibberish as his hands _slammed_ into the ground and a wall of earth began to flow upwards around the cloud. The sounds of frenzied combat came from within the smoke, the high speed _thunks_ of flesh on flesh and the swishing of cloth. _I'll have to see about getting Hinata into quieter clothes. He's probably fighting by sound... somehow._ Kakashi rocketed out of the shrinking hole in the top of the forming dome, trailing smoke and looking considerably more serious than before. His high arc was trailed by first kunai, then Hinata like a falcon chasing a crow-

They _thunked_ into in the log he had switched with while Hinata grabbed hold of it and oriented towards his new position at the edge of the forest-

Which promptly exploded upwards in an eruption of dirt and smoke as Tetsuo set off one of the deep bombs. The earth _convulsed_ as the shockwave spread outwards while Naruto and Hinata _sprung_ towards the once again ballistic Kakashi-

Who blocked their attacks and sent them flying towards the ground with a punch and a kick. Naruto staggered upwards crowing his success to the world, then put an explosive tag between the pages of a very familiar orange book. "The book for the bell!" he declared, thrusting out his finger. Kakashi's eye widened, hand dropping towards his pocket to verify his book's safety, which gave Tetsuo just enough time to _flicker_ in and stretch out a hand towards the bell. He had _just_ got a finger on it when Kakashi twisted away, diving towards Naruto-

Who flicked the book upwards and exploded the whole clearing in the brief moment he had before he was knocked unconscious. A ripple of explosions surged through area, sounding like firecrackers exploding inside a bass drum. Eager tongues of fire shot towards the sky and roiling balls of smoke and dust _surged_ outwards, filling the clearing with darkness. A cry of anguish rent the air at the loss of such literary treasure, cut off halfway through as Kakashi realised that his book was still safely in his pocket.

 _Well, there goes the plan. Come on, it's all you now Hinata,_ thought Tetsuo as he tried to find his way based on sound, smell and and his limited chakra sense. The ground was pitted, broken and hidden. He stumbled frequently. Two signatures - one familiar which must be Hinata and one less familiar that must be Kakashi - together at the edge of his perception and the sounds of combat echoed through the clearing. _Nuts to this, I'm going underground,_ he decided, hands flashing through handseals as he twisted his chakra into the smell that earth sounds like. " _Hiding Like a Mole Technique!_ " he announced, sinking into the earth and digging through the sand that formed around him like a protective cocoon. _Kakashi won't be sure of his footing in all this broken rubble, he'll have to stay in one place,_ he reasoned as he navigated by chakra sense and the occasional noise that penetrated all the way down to his sensitive ears. _Hinata can see me, she'll be able to capitalise._

He took his place beneath the combatants and listened, kunai backwards down his sleeve to keep its coating intact. _Come on, where is it, where are you eh? Where's that bell?_

 _Ting_

Tetsuo erupted up from below the combatants, using every bit of speed available to him. He had shed close to four times his own body weight in weights, so he was moving at several times his normal pace. In short, he _blurred_ upwards with knife outstretched towards Kakashi. The seasoned jounin leapt backwards to escape-

 _Snick_

The red cord holding the bell was severed, and a thin red line traced across Kakashi's left hip. The bell floated free as Hinata moved in for the finish-

 _Snap-ting_

Kakashi _snatched_ the bell out of the air, the air had cleared enough for them to see him skid backwards with grass whipping from the wind of his passage. "Don't let up!" shouted Tetsuo, as he leapt after him, closely followed by Hinata. The team's chakra was running low, their breath came ragged and harsh. Tetsuo went low with a sweep kick to the legs while Hinata went high with a strike towards the shoulder. Both hit a log from the substitution technique. Kakashi used the time to craft a two person genjutsu and let it loose.

"Kai!" came the cry from Tetsuo the instant he was done, voice cracking. Hinata didn't bother to dispel it, preferring to send a barrage of kunai towards their opponent which he swiftly deflected. Tetsuo chose that moment to flicker to Kakashi's side, his fist darted out towards the jounin's ribs-

Only to have his wrist grabbed as he was _hurled_ towards Hinata. They landed in a heap and Kakashi started towards them, stumbled. He stepped forwards again, his left leg didn't want to take the weight, nearly pitching him onto his side. "Don't worry... I used.. non-lethal," explained Tetsuo as he and Hinata staggered back to their feet, great heaving breaths interrupted his speech. "You'll be out... maybe... half an hour."

Kakashi's visible eye narrowed, and Tetsuo realised his mistake as the man _blurred_ forwards towards to two of them. Tetsuo brought up his guard and abruptly learned exactly how much the man had been holding back as his defence was taken to pieces in seconds. A fist snaked round his faltering guard and he knew darkness once again.

ooo

 _Naruto Uzumaki PoV_

Naruto awoke, shifted and promptly vomited his stomach out in a liquid rush. "And it was such a nice barbecue too," he wailed, though the words came out slurred. Through half closed eyes he saw a scene of devastation. The idyllic clearing was now a smoking ruin, small fires smouldered amongst craters filled with chunks of broken and scorched earth. What grass had survived was darkened by ash, the training posts stood at crazed angles. _What was... right the exam. Gotta get the bell. Time limit._

He tried to get to his feet, but his sense of balance disagreed and sent him staggering left into another crater. His brief look had shown his friends crumpled in a heap, with Kakashi lying nearby. _Crap, Tetsuo, Hinata! I've got to help, got to get over there!_ He crawled over shattered and blasted land, each movement seemed to take an eternity. Finally he arrived at his friends, frantic checks showed they were breathing and not bleeding. He looked around once more. There, by Kakashi's nerveless hand, was a small shining bell.

He dragged himself over, inch by tortuous inch. _Kakashi should be fine, Sasuke was always fine after._ He reassured himself, _Tetsuo doesn't use deadly stuff on people._ One more move, and he allowed himself to collapse with bell in hand.

 _Maybe I'll just sleep for a while..._

The now dented alarm clock chose that moment to ring briefly, before exploding in a shower of gears.


	27. Genin Days 6

A/N This thing has been sitting in my file for long enough. I'm not 100% on it, but it needs to happen so I can move on to plot events. Besides, past experience has shown I have a rather poor idea of which things people will enjoy, especially when I've got a stomach ache.

It was a bruised and weary team 7 that made its way to the mission desk at the crack of noon the following day. In truth, calling it the mission desk was inaccurate. There were many desks, in many rooms to keep up with the many thousands of ninja on active duty. Normally this particular desk would be manned by a chuunin, but today Sarutobi Hiruzen, third Hokage of Konoha took pride of place behind the impressive wooden counter. A benevolent smile creased his aged face as the new arrivals made their way in. Evidently he preferred to give as many fresh genin as possible their very first mission scroll. _Only someone as terrifyingly powerful as him would be able to get away with with that grandfatherly act,_ decided Tetsuo, _what horrors lurk behind your mask, old man?_

"Team 7 reporting for duty," said Kakashi by way of greeting.

"And only two hours late, that must be some kind of record." Replied the Hokage mildly, then turned to the new arrivals with fresh, gleaming headbands. "Naruto-kun, Tetsuo-kun, Hinata-kun; let me congratulate you on becoming full genin. Now, let's see what I have here for some young ninja..."

"Are we going to save a princess, or foil an assassination or uncover an evil plot?" babbled Naruto excitedly, arms waving while the Hokage surreptitiously readied a camera and Tetsuo began to grin.

"Ah, here we are," the Hokage smiled, "you have a choice between babysitting a merchant's daughter, fetching groceries for Miyagi-san or weeding the garden for Inoue-san."

Naruto's jaw dropped, Tetsuo's smile gained teeth, Hinata's mouth turned downwards slightly and Kakashi smiled like a hyena.

 _Click-whrrr_

"Don't worry, I'll make two copies." Sarutobi assured Kakashi, feeding the instinctual shinobi need for blackmail material, "now, which mission will you undertake?"

"What!?" shouted the young jinchuuriki, arms thrown wide.

"I think we'll go with the weeding," replied Kakashi gravely, as if accepting a dangerous mission with no guarantee of return. Naruto folded his arms with a huff at the treatment.

"One last thing Kakashi," the Hokage spoke with deceptive mildness; a razor wrapped in silk. "It seems like only yesterday I had a training ground over in field three. Now it seems I have a smouldering ruin. Perhaps you would care to explain?"

"I told them to come at me with everything they had." Explained Kakashi blandly, "and it turns out what they had included earth jutsu and several dozen explosive tags."

"Didn't even get to show off my grand fireball," mumbled Tetsuo bitterly.

"I would have thought you were earth natured from those jutsu you used yesterday." Kakashi said with slightly too much interest, glad for an excuse to change the subject.

"Earth and fire baby, double the training for double the fun." Tetsuo shot back.

"You mean to imply you have two nature transformations at graduation?" Asked Sarutobi, evidently interested enough to let the matter slide.

"Bah, why are people always surprised by that? Kakashi hit jounin by my age, if anything I'm slacking here." Tetsuo reasoned grumpily. _And Itachi was only a year away from slaughtering a whole clan by now,_ Tetsuo considered, _if with an unspecified amount of help. I really need to up my game if I'm going to roll with the S-ranks._ He pointedly ignored the fact that Kakashi was about as far from average as you could find. And if it drew parallels between them in his sensei's mind, well, all to the better. People like people who are like themselves after all.

"No need to be so hard on yourself, Tetsuo-kun, getting two nature transformations so young is quite the achievement," Sarutobi admonished him in the manner of a doting grandfather, "now, I'm sure you all have things to do so I'll wish you all a good day." The newly forged team turned to leave, just as their sensei passed the door the Hokage called out.

"Kakashi, next time you allow your students to go all out, please use a training ground rated for it." While the tone was genial, steel hid within; an order couched as a suggestion. Mitarashi Anko was waiting outside with blue-black hair tied in to a short, spiky fanned ponytail. She wore a huge grin stretched across her face and a tight mesh shirt stretched across her chest beneath her flashers trench coat. A subdued Sakura accompanied her as they waited for their turn. The poor pinkette had a blank, tired look to her and deep bags under her eyes. She barely registered their presence, not reacting to Naruto's increasingly frenzied attempts to get her attention. Evidently Anko's test had been as extreme as everything else about her.

"Heeeeeeey Kakashi!" she greeted the silver haired jounin enthusiastically, then her voice turned sultry as she leaned forwards, "I heard you got taken out by three big scary genin. Why I even heard you got a booboo on your hip. Would you like me to kiss it better?" before he could answer, she turned on her heel and walked cackling through the doorway to the Hokage, dragging a mostly asleep Sakura behind her. The door slammed behind her, cutting off her laughter.

"Well, that was a thing," opined Tetsuo. "I wonder if she got any sleep at all?"

"Poor Sakura," Naruto shuddered, "It would be like having you as a teacher, Tetsuo."

"Hey!" objected the orange eyed genin, "I'll have you know I pull off a mesh shirt better than she ever could."

"...why do you know that?" asked Kakashi before thinking better of it, "don't answer that, I don't want to find out."

"Don't worry Kakashi," smiled Tetsuo sweetly, "I'll only blame _some_ of my perversions on your terrible, terrible example."


	28. Genin Days 7

A/N Let's do the Time Warp again! So, I realised that it's really weird writing the characters show up to their first mission supposedly knowing each other, when I haven't actually written that interaction yet. So, this update and probably the next one goes just before Acceleration 5.1.

In a week or so I'll edit things so it ends up being in the right place in-thread.

ooo

 _Three days after graduating_

The sun shone softly through the Konoha morning mist. Glinting across the rippling water of the river, it covered the side of the bridge in shifting patterns of light.

"He's late." Naruto observed, "Again."

Hinata's hands clenched minutely, just for a moment before her body language smoothed back out.

"This will become a pattern if we're not careful." Tetsuo noted idly as he looked down at the shining river, flicking one last shaving from a small knobbly lump of wood before putting it away. "Two paths stretch out before us, two routes of immense importance and significance. Who knows, by choosing one over the other may our fates be decided." The lone shaving twirled down to the river and was carried quickly away by the current.

"Oh?" Hinata asked, channelling Sasuke as she packed a whole sentence into one word with a slight eyebrow raise. Naruto's eyes were fixed on Tetsuo. His bearing radiated excitement.

"We can spend our morning training, or we can hunt down Kakashi." Tetsuo explained.

Naruto's shoulders slumped in disappointment, "How is that such a big deal?" He groused while Hinata just kept her eyebrow in place, smiling softly as if at some private joke.

"Well if we train in the mornings we'll grow stronger, but slowly." Tetsuo explained to Naruto, taking careful note of Hinata's apparent understanding, "That is the least risky path with the lowest reward. If we hunt Kakashi then we'll get real world tracking experience and if we catch him, we'll probably get more training time each day and so improve faster. We all have improved senses of some description, so it's within our area of expertise. Plus I know where he lives from Gai so we'll have a chance. If we don't catch him though we'll be wasting our mornings. And he's _good_ at hiding." He spread his arms wide, "So! We'll need to convince him that we will always come looking for him so that he realises that it's less effort to just show up on time. The problem with that is that if he knows that we know he'll be thinking like that then he'll do everything in his power to make sure that it doesn't work, because he's contrary like that."

"Naruto's eyes crossed briefly as he muttered under his breath, "Knows that we know he'll be thinking?"

"That gives us two choices." Tetsuo finished, putting two hands ahead of him and raising one, "We can take the sure and slow path," he lowered that hand and raised the other, "or we can take the riskier path with the larger reward."

Hinata's response was instantaneous, her tone resolute. "We find him."

"Hell yeah!" Naruto crowed, feet leaving the floor as he pumped his fist into the air. "Let's go wake up our lazy sensei. I bet he's still in bed!"

Tetsuo just smiled, _Ah Hinata, you really aren't making this hard to figure out. I wonder if that's intentional. Should I expect a recruitment pitch?_

ooo

They went to his home first. It was an incongruously modern looking apartment with wide windows, which three small faces peered through. Simple, empty, sparse. Apart from the shuriken pattern bedsheets, a coded poster board and a pair of framed team photographs the place barely looked lived in.

"Have you got a scent?" Naruto asked, breathing deeply through his nose.

"It's faint..." Tetsuo responded, head darting from place to place with eyes half closed, a slow trickle of chakra running through his sinuses. _Sniff sniff, sniff sniff_. It was slightly adorable. "Very faint. Scorched earth and weapon oil, a hint of bark." He frowned slightly, "I'll have to ask him how he gets it this hard to detect, seems useful."

"I have it." Naruto said, "It's barely there. I don't know if I'll be able to follow this on rooftops with the wind."

"Me either." Tetsuo replied, eyes narrowed. "Hinata, any hints from out of view?" She shook her head. "Well there's a few other places he might be. Gai disapproved of his 'Most Un-youthful lack of punctuality' so I have a list. We should try the memorial first."

ooo

When a tired and irritable Team 7 trudged back towards the meeting spot hours later it was with a rising feeling of dread that they turned the corner to bring the bridge into view. They had been led a merry chase the last two hours, always seeming to be _just_ behind their quarry. A scuff here, an errant whiff of scent there, a blur of masked movement just on the edge of byakugan range. Tetsuo was beginning to think they were being fucked with, so when he spied their teacher standing on the bridge smiling and waving cheerily he wasn't surprised. He was halfway between annoyed and impressed, because _of course_ someone who had to deal with Gai would be able to pull something like this.

"So my students finally decide to show up," Kakashi greeted them unhappily, "Truly it wounds me to have such uncaring students, not even arriving on time for our very first team training session. What could I have done to deserve such treatment?"

Hinata and Tetsuo were shocked into silence by the sheer brass neck showed by his words, meanwhile Naruto had no such problem.

"What!?" He shouted, throwing his finger forwards and pointing dramatically, "We've been following you all morning and you know it! Besides, we were only five minutes behind you!"

"I've no idea what you could be talking about," Kakashi replied cheerily, "I've been here since just after nine, enjoying my book. Now come on, we've got team training." His tone turned serious, "Your planning was okay in the bell test, but your co-ordination was poor and your formation was full of holes."

Naruto squawked indignantly.

"Against a target who actually wanted to kill you it never would have worked. You need to be able to know where your team mates are at all times without looking." Kakashi continued steadily, "You need to know what they'll do, where they'll be, what they're thinking, all the little signs that tell if they want to charge or retreat or do something crazy. Cover each other's weaknesses, amplify each other's strengths. You need to live and breathe the same until your hearts beat in tune. It will take time but you'll get there eventually, and the sooner we start the sooner we'll be finished. So, attack me."

What followed were three of the most frustrating hours of Tetsuo's life. Their tricks were now known, and none of them wanted to waste explosives or gas on training time. Kakashi made sure to never move faster than they were capable of, but even three against one he destroyed them. Every time he slipped through the gaps of their formation to effortlessly 'kill' them he would call "dead, dead, dead.", then explain how a slightly out-turned foot and a mistimed punch allowed him to destroy them utterly, and what they should do next time. When they improved he would call out "good job!" in the same voice one would use when praising a dog, then find some new and unexpected way to break their plan to pieces. The man was only where you expected him to be when he was setting you up to attack an area where he suddenly... wasn't. It was _infuriating_.

Worse, Tetsuo could tell that Naruto was steadily growing resentful of being the slowest and least proficient member of the team. It was obvious in the tightness of his eyes, the set of his teeth, the jerky movement of his shoulders. He was clearly trying to hold back from snapping, but the frustration carried over to the whole team and their cohesion suffered.

When Kakashi finally called a halt Tetsuo was ready to rip something to pieces with his bare hands, which swung low from the constant drag of his wrist weights. Though Hinata's head stood tall and proud, her chest heaved as sweat poured down her neck. Naruto seemed the least tired of the three, but his hands were clenched white by his sides and the muscles of his jaw bulged with tension. Their clothing was scuffed, smelly and stained by grass and dirt, while Kakashi was spotless and wasn't even sweating under the afternoon sun.

"So, that seems like a good place to end today." Kakashi spoke cheerily. "I'll see you tomorrow at nine, and try not to be late this time." Then a thought seemed to occur to him, "Oh, and if you're tracking a target that is faster and can sense further than you, it's a good idea to suppress your chakra signature."

And then he disappeared in a puff of smoke. _A. Puff. Of. Smoke_.

"That was a shadow clone." Tetsuo noted numbly. Then his voice gained force as his face twisted in rage, "He didn't even show up in person!" He whirled shouting, "Sonofa!" then smashed his fist into a training post.

The post won.

In all, it was not the best first day to their training.


	29. Genin Days 8

A/N When Sasuke got curse-sealed, Kakashi just straight up applied a big-ass counter-seal. I'm assuming that means he's got fairly good sealing knowledge, if not quite mastery.

Beta'd as always by Bob Saget, who was a great help in getting Kakashi's particular brand of laziness right. Note this bit happens just before he propositions Sasuke about getting him his sharingan.

ooo

 _One week later_

It was the end of the ninja workday, and the sun hung low in the sky above a red, traditional bridge. It was fast becoming habit for Team 7 to start and end the day on that bridge, their talks accompanied by the quiet sound of the water flowing over rocks and the soft waving of the bullrushes in the wind. Vivid blue dragonflies darted too and fro while a pure white heron waded in the shallows of the bend some fifty metres upstream, neck arched and ready to strike. Having spent the sunlight hours training and catching a surprisingly friendly Tora (still a tiger bloodlimit, quiet you), Hinata and Naruto had started on their way home while Tetsuo had stayed behind with their teacher.

"Hey Kakashi, you know sealing right?" He asked hopefully.

Kakashi slowly looked up from his book with an inscrutable look in his eye "Mmmm, I picked up a little here and there." He replied ambiguously.

"Could you look over my seals?" Tetsuo asked, sounding every inch the earnest student and holding out a well worn satchel holding a few different scrolls and notebooks. "Please?" He pleaded, attempting to look like a particularly hopeful orphan. It helped that he was currently both hopeful and parentless. "I've never been able to ask someone who actually knows what they're doing before."

Kakashi's shoulders slumped as he took one last longing look at his little orange book, before putting it away. In turn, he looked at the satchel with something that could be interpreted as dread. "Don't think I don't see what you're doing." Kakashi chided gently. "Well, I do need all my cute little genin physically intact." He mused aloud, carefully taking the satchel and unrolling the scroll holding Tetsuo's example large yield explosive tags.

He stared at it for a few seconds, before turning it sideways and frowning. Moving quickly he took out a small notebook and started making notes, then made an unhappy sound. He poofed out a clone which picked up a tag, walked to the far end of the nearby training field and created an earth hummock to sit behind, hiding the clone from view. A short while later the heated air from a sizeable explosion _thwumped_ past. Kakashi frowned harder, and started writing more forcefully. This continued for several minutes as Tetsuo's anticipation built.

The wind sighed through the grass, the river burbled cheerily, the heron plunged its beak into the water. It came up with a struggling fish, which flapped desperately as it slowly ran out of oxygen.

Kakashi wrote.

Tetsuo waited.

"You have an idiot's luck." Kakashi stated flatly, finally breaking the silence.

"I... what?" Tetsuo replied, thrown off balance.

" _This_ ," Kakashi emphasised, holding up another example tag from the scroll, "Is not an explosive tag."

"But... it explodes?" Tetsuo asked hesitantly.

"An explosive tag is made of a chakra smoother, a compressor, a timer and an activator." Kakashi explained, as though reminding a child what what two plus two equalled. "This," he looked at the tag with the kind of scorn usually reserved for things that throw up on your rug, "is a compressor wielded to seven chakra loops. Where exactly have you been taking your inspiration from?"

"A book. I mean, it works like it said?" Tetsuo replied, wishing the earth would swallow him up.

"Did you not notice how inconsistent the timer was?" Kakashi asked.

"Nought point five to four second long fuse, randomly distributed." Tetsuo rapped out instantly. He might not understand his explosives, but he could still observe their effects.

"If you continue to use these you'll eventually charge one incorrectly and have it explode in your hand." Kakashi continued in an almost bored voice, though there was _something_ below the boredom. "I'm frankly amazed that you haven't killed yourself - or anyone else - yet."

Tetsuo felt a rush of delayed adrenaline flow through his body, heating his limbs and a flushing his face a bright cherry red. He stared ahead dull eyed, breathing deeply. "Oh." he said, in a very small voice. _Suddenly I am_ very _glad that I never let Naruto use the large tags,_ he decided _._ _Shit, I nearly killed one of my best chances to gain power... and myself... and an innocent kid._

"It is no secret," Kakashi began in what passed for a lecturing tone, "That only hacks who can't afford to make their money properly write books on sealing, and even then they don't include their best work. No-one with a shred of talent or a real understanding of the art would share any useful techniques that way, and the inherent personalisation of the art at all but the most basic levels makes it even more pointless. Most ninja children are aware of risks of unsupervised sealing by the time they join the academy." He eyed Tetsuo carefully, the silent question obvious. Or possibly he had missed lunch.

"Ah, well, I never spent much time with the other children at the orphanage." Tetsuo scratched the back of his head. "They were kind of boring?"

Kakashi just looked at him.

"So... uh?" Tetsuo rallied magnificently. Truly, his articulate and thoughtful response was a wonder for the ages. A triumph of intellect not seen before or since. Nor - strictly speaking - during.

His teacher stared at him for a long moment, then glanced down at his orange book longingly. "I suppose I'll have to find someone to teach you the basics, if only to stop you blowing yourself up." He allowed grudgingly.

Tetsuo's eyes lit up. " _Yessssssssssss_."

" _Only_ the basics." Kakashi warned, but his young charge was no longer listening.

"Sealing! Sealing! Sealing! Hoy!"


	30. Genin Days 9

A/N: Sorry for the long absence, I had me some thinking to do because I'd written myself into an implausible corner through poor planning. As a result of which, I decided to scrap the last five chapters and a little bit of the stuff before that. We re-join Tetsuo shortly after graduation.

Basically, the mission I sent him on wasn't well planned. Kakashi had to use a sharingan against weak-ass missing-nin? Naruto got knifed on his watch? Anyone thought that trying to kidnap someone out from under Kakashi was a good idea? Not good enough. So instead of a smash cut to the first mission he gets sent on (which will be a different one this time and have a self-consistent reason) and a month of team building abstracted to a few paragraphs in the personal log we'll be seeing a little bit more of the planning that goes into things before the mission comes along. Also, because he's not out of the village he hasn't sent that letter with all the pre-cog information to Hiruzen yet. That update'll come back around pretty much unchanged though, maybe a few nudges to how they react to the letter.

On the upside I've now got a fairly solid plan for up until the end of the chuunin exams, which is nice.

Also, I've been helping out with Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest over on SV, which has been a lot of fun. I'm shamelessly plugging it here because why not?

ooo

It was the first day off they had had since officially becoming genin, and Tetsuo's apartment was a mess. The celebration had run its course and left a high tide mark of cups and plates across every available surface. Now their new teammates and friends had left, leaving only Tetsuo and Sasuke reclining languidly across the furniture.

"I've been thinking, Sasuke, about comparative advantage." Tetsuo announced.

"Hn?" Sasuke questioned lazily. He was painfully full and clearly didn't feel like using full sentences.

"About how people become jounin, and how they get stronger than that." Tetsuo continued, gesturing airily, "It occurs to me that most of the real monsters had an advantage they wrung for everything it was worth."

"Hn." Sasuke replied flatly, which Tetsuo understood to mean _"obviously"_.

"Kakashi for example. He's a genius you know, hit jounin young during the war with the Fourth as his sensei - of course standards were lower what with the manpower shortage. It wasn't until he acquired his sharingan though that he could make full use of all he had learned and hit S-rank."

"Hn." Accompanied by a glare.

"I'm not making comparisons." Tetsuo defended.

"Hn." _Good._

"Anyway, I can't follow Gai's path, you saw what happened when I tried. Even if I wasn't incapable of using that technique, the downsides are severe." He took a moment to look away and frown, "No, I don't think my current trajectory will get me to S-rank. Jounin maybe, but second place won't do in this contest."

"Hn." This one was questioning; _how do you figure that?_

"As I am now, I'm barely a distraction to them. A gnat. And they're still probably getting stronger faster than I am. No, I need a faster way increase my rate of strength increase or I'll never catch up."

"Hn." A flat declaration; _this is going to end in fire._

"Well that's why I was thinking about comparative advantage. What do I have that other people do not have, and how do I get the most out of it?" He replied, "What I personally have is a strong combat base, solid jutsu theory, poison, a few elemental techniques and that one jutsu I've been working on. Insufficient."

"Hn." _I keep telling you that thing will never work._

"And I keep telling you that no, it totally will and it's not a waste of time."

"Hn." Dismissive; _that's what you said about the explosive powder._

"Moving on!" He announced, eager to avoid the subject, "I started thinking more generally, what do I have access to? I have two S-rank teachers, my teammates, a number of friends and allies and more distantly, their teachers. Speaking of, do you know if Shino can use his bugs for chakra transfusions?

"Hn." A flat negation.

"Damn, that would have made things much easier. Kakashi didn't have anything that someone with Naruto's level of control could use either..."

"Hn." _What are you up to?_

"Well Naruto is just a big bundle of spare chakra. He'd be willing to share of course because he's absurdly loyal, but I can't get at it. It's very frustrating. You know exactly how annoying it is to be trying out a new jutsu and only be able to practice it a few times a day. Naruto would allow us access to several times our current daily chakra, skyrocketing our growth rates."

"So that's what you were up to." Sasuke decided to break his long silence, "How could a genin have enough chakra to triple multiple people's reserves? That's insane."

"He speaks!" Crowed Tetsuo, thrusting a fist into the air and then groaning as it jostled his own stomach. "Yes, it's kinda crazy and no, I can't legally tell you why. Figure it out yourself, it's not like anyone really bothers keeping it secret. Anyway, I was thinking we could bring Naruto and Hinata in on our training sessions."

"Hinata?" Sasuke replied questioningly. _She's a good fighter, but that's not what you're after._

"Do you have any idea how useful it is to have someone who can look at your internal chakra on-hand?" Tetsuo gushed like a teenaged fanboy, "She's pointed out so many things I didn't even know it was possible to do wrong and it's only been a week!"

"Hn." His head tilted to the side, tone thoughtful. _That does seem useful, but what about the chakra transfer problem?_

"I've got a plan..." Tetsuo trailed off for a moment, and Sasuke idly considered dragging himself off of the warm comfortable sofa, going out into the cold night and carrying his food baby back to his house. Then he lay back with a groan and shuffled his shoulders into a cushion with a happy sigh. It was fine, he could just sleep over.

"Sasuke, hypothetically speaking if there was a way to make you stronger, but it was cruel, dangerous, illegal and would only work if I didn't tell you what I was planning and you didn't think too hard about it and figure it out, would you do it?"

"Do you even need to ask? Of course I'd do it."

"And hypothetically speaking, if I needed you to give me 2000 ryo from the clan fund and sign a paper confirming you agreed to it in front of Gai so that I could convince the right people to set it up..."

"... Fine. You're making me breakfast though."

ooo

Later that week

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure I heard you correctly." Anko asked dangerously, "Words came out of your mouth and they seemed to be in some kind of order but I can't have heard you right because that would be _insane!_ You want us to do _what!?_ "

"It's the surest way to awaken his sharingan," Tetsuo reasoned patiently, "and he did agree to it beforehand."

"Are you _completely out of your tiny genin mind!?_ " She seethed.

"I must agree Tetsuo-kun," Gai added, "while your loyalty is most Youthful, this seems very cruel and the risk to yourself is considerable."

"My friend needs my help, Gai-sensei. I can do no less." Tetsuo told Gai earnestly. The two of them stared at each other for a time as Gai's face twisted between various expressions before he settled on tearful pride.

"Tetsuo-kun!" he exclaimed.

"Gai-sensei." Tetsuo replied evenly, then nodded mildly as a sunlit vista yawned between them. He turned back to the Anko whose eye had begun to twitch. "I'll pay you three crates of dango, and I'll make sure Kakashi and Kurenai understand not to blame you. If you won't do it I'll just have to find someone else, I guess."

She looked at him for a moment, eyes narrowed. "You know what? Fine. I don't even care. I'll help with your moronic, stupid, kinky, masochistic plan."

"That's the spirit!"

ooo

Sasuke was not having a good day. He could in fact be said to be having a terrible day. He had arrived at their usual training spot deep in the woods to find Tetsuo facing off against some crazy masked bitch who claimed that Tetsuo needed to die for being "a stain upon the honour of the Nakano" and "the spawn of the clan's greatest traitor". Things had deteriorated from there.

 _Thwip._

Another needle shot past, just out of reach of his fingers. There was a soft sound and a gasp as it punctured his friend. _Can't look, can't take my eyes off her,_ he thought frantically. The sound of Tetsuo's irregular breathing was interrupted as he coughed up blood with a watery gurgle, _sadistic fuck I can't lose anyone else I can't I can't I can't_. For the last few minutes she had been throwing senbon in such a way that he was _just_ too slow to stop them from hitting Tetsuo, drawing it out, filling his throat and his arms and his legs with senbon. All attempts to attack her had been rebuked effortlessly, and that was while his leg still worked. She was _too quick I can't touch her can't see her move I've got to stop her I can't I can't I can't!_

"Sasuke..." came a weak voice from behind him in what was clearly a great effort, "...run."

"Shut up!" he shouted hysterically, "I'm not leaving you here with her!" His hands twitched, drip drip drip went the sound of blood. _Shudder-gasp_ went his friend's breath. _Shudder-gasp, shudder-gasp. Have to be faster need to be faster have to catch them need to keep him safe_ went his thoughts. He wanted to _scream_ while his vision twisted and bent and the woman began to glow a light blue. _Glow? What?_

"Fucking finally," exclaimed That Bitch, and for a second his heart stopped as he feared the worst. "Damn he died slow."

Silence. Silence as his world shattered. The slow turn like something out of a nightmare, where you _know_ what you'll find but you have to turn anyway, have to see. There was his friend in a pool of blood, eyes half open, completely still. Drip drip drip.

 _Shudder-gasp._

 _He's still alive. I can still makethisbeokay he's still alive_

"Alright, show's over." She grouched, removing her mask to reveal the face of the woman who taught Sakura and a leaf headband. Sasuke's train of thought derailed and crashed into a bridge. "Let's get those senbon out of the idiot and ship him to hospital so he can pay me. Gai!" she shouted over her shoulder, "You're on idiot carrying duty!"

"I would be Most Happy to carry Tetsuo-kun to the most illustrious hall of healing!" he exclaimed.

 _What… what?_

"Fucking… finally." Tetsuo gasped.


	31. Genin Days 10

A/N As ever, I thank Bob Saget for betaing.

Eagle eyed readers will note that about half of the second half of this update has shown up before now in a chapter that was since removed. Some of it got scrapped because of the re-write, but other bits I'm keeping.

ooo

 _Blink_

White. Clean. Sterile. _Hmmmm. Hospital? Ah. Voices._

"...muscles punctured… serious blood loss... awake tomorrow… no visitors today."

 _Mrmmmmm, warm. Sleep._

ooo

Tetsuo swam upwards through the haze of unconsciousness and a tide of cotton. He inspected the generic hospital room with light streaming in through the window and felt a glowing contentment holding at bay a number of sharp stabbing pains. _Probably morphine or something._

 _Damn, different room._ _Can't make a familiar ceiling joke._

Sasuke sat beside the bed, reading a scroll. To an untrained eye he seemed perfectly composed, the very image of a calm, collected, controlled Uchiha. To Tetsuo, who had seen him build these defensive walls a brick at a time, he may as well have been weeping.

Sasuke turned, movements deliberate and spoke in a clear voice. "Tetsuo… what the hell is wrong with you?"

Tetsuo sat up in his hospital bed, cleared his throat, found it functional beneath the bandages and made a happy noise. "Well I just paid a beautiful woman to forcibly and repeatedly penetrate me with long hard objects in front of my best friend and honestly I'm quite satisfied with the result." He winced, "Could do without the pain though."

"This isn't how normal people behave, Tetsuo." His tone was ice, his eyes searched every micro expression and noted every movement.

"I told you it was cruel, dangerous and illegal, what did you think I was going to do?" Tetsuo responded, sounding entirely too reasonable.

"I don't know!" This was entirely too much for the Uchiha facade, it crumbled. "You told me not to think about it! Maybe something that wasn't completely and utterly insane!?"

"Pain is temporary. Sharingan are forever. It makes perfect sense if you think about it. Besides, aren't you glad that we did it this way? The other option was to wait until a mission went wrong and you were a breath away from death, then hope you and your team mates survived the experience." _Or to manufacture such a scenario._

"Motherfucker!" Sasuke lunged, red eyes spinning with an arm cocked back to deliver a punch, then froze - his eyes locked on the bandages. A moment later his eyes returned to charcoal and he seemed to fold in on himself, dropping down to sit on the side of the bed facing away from Tetsuo. "Next time we spar I'm beating the crap out of you."

"With super-power eyes I should hope so. You're going to be a beast."

There was silence for a time as the sun drooped lower in the sky.

"How did you even know how to activate it?" Sasuke asked, despondent. "No-one should have known. Even I didn't know."

 _Good thing I got a solid excuse lined up for this_ "I was looking through the Uchiha mission reports - the ones that survived - and I noticed something interesting. Every time someone came back from a mission with a newly awakened sharingan, it was always after something bad happened. Combat, dead clients, injured team mates, dead team mates was the most common. I made the theory halfway through the files, didn't find enough to disprove it in the rest. Wouldn't get a second chance, you'd see through it in an instant, couldn't use genjutsu, you'd notice." Tetsuo smiled up at the ceiling, "One shot, so I went for the big guns right away. Figured I'd take a chance, looks like I was right."

"You did all that, because of a theory based on some old battle reports?"

"There was little risk even if I was wrong, Anko is very good with her needles."

"She's a fucking psycho." Sasuke replied, his voice raw. "And don't tell me that didn't hurt, you had needles straight through your throat."

"Less than you might think." Tetuso mused, "I gave myself a weak general anesthetic before we started. Still had to feel some pain to sell it, but there you go."

"Stop sounding so fucking reasonable!" Sasuke shouted, turning "You're in hospital after losing way too much blood and having every fucking limb used as a pincushion!" He slumped back down, wringing his hands, "I thought you died, you arsehole."

"You needed the powerup, Sasuke." His voice was a whisper, "I know you, you're going to fight your brother and unless I do everything I possibly can you're going to damn well die doing it. Friends don't let friends die, not by inaction, not by looking the other way and not by standing on the damn sidelines as they stride to their death." _I want your eyes and you are going to give them to me willingly._

"You're insane, Tetsuo."

"Heh, you think I don't know that? I choose this, Sasuke, and I will continue to choose it." _I may as well have taken a knife and carved my decision making process into my own brain. For me, now, there is no other way._

ooo

 _Personal Log - year 12 month 7_

Kakashi wasn't too happy to hear about my stunt. Med-nin may beat conventional medicine into the ground and I may have had a couple days off before our next meet up, but I was still limping when I saw my team again. He sort of… subsided when I explained that it was necessary to keep a friend alive, but I think he came to his own conclusions in the end. He was nice enough to focus on chakra control that day. Then Naruto asked why I wasn't fixed already if it had been more than a day, and I had to explain to the kid that most people don't reform like play-doh after an injury. He seemed quite shocked by the idea of not waking up the next morning completely fine - he had just assumed that was normal. I swear to god I am buying that kid a book called "The Facts of Life" and strapping him down till he's read it.

Speaking of Naruto, the med-nin have a way to share chakra for medical procedures, but it will do me no good if Jiraiya takes Naruto away, so I have a different plan. It all depends on the butterflies. I asked Kakashi about shadow clones - the other part of the plan - but presumably I don't have clearance to learn exactly how they work right now. All he would tell me is that they're dangerous to the user and cost large quantities of chakra. The latter I can deal with, the former we shall have to see.

D-ranks are boring but at least it's cash in hand and the civilians mean well when they're not glaring at Naruto. After the first week we started finding ways to make them more challenging. So we started walking dogs while holding the leash with chakra or pressing in nails with a thumb, or two of us would be defending and working while the third tried to ambush us. Hiring shinobi to do such simple things seems to be half conspicuous consumption and half patriotism. Like buying old timey war bonds mixed with flashing a rolex. I can't tell if it's more a triumph of propaganda or legitimate gratitude from the civilians, but it keeps the economy turning either way. It also fills up my wallet. I finally have enough spare to make a custom order for camouflage clothing. It's strange to me that more don't wear it, but then even in WWI most everyone was still walking around in single colour uniforms.

Elemental training goes so much easier when you can ask someone like Kakashi for tips. He knows mostly lightning, earth and water but his fire is still far enough ahead of me that I can pick up some tricks there too. One of the marks of high intelligence is the ability to reach the same conclusion in less time and with less information. Unfortunately that doesn't lend itself to being a good teacher with no practice; I think he expects us to learn as quickly as he did. I mean, I'm quick for a bloody 12 year old but that's hardly a fair comparison. Presumably that's why he taught tree walking by saying 'there's the tree, use chakra to walk up it' - step one, draw some circles, step two, draw the rest of the fucking owl indeed. Naruto's lucky I was there to actually explain things.

Kakashi'll answer specific questions if you ask him, but it's easy to miss things if you don't ask the right questions, and it's easy to ask the wrong questions if you don't understand. Still miles better than scrolls and guesswork though. I can't be too hard on him, it must be years since he had to learn a jutsu the hard way. 'Just do what the eyeball tells you' is both entirely accurate to the first part of his learning process and hardly something he can tell me to do.

Speaking of eyeballs, I've been working with Hinata on the days we wait for Kakashi to show up instead of hunting his arse down and those things are amazing. One reason chakra is so hard to use is the lack of feedback once it's out in the open. Sure, you can sort of feel it but it's a bit like watching ants through layers of frosted glass: very easy to miss delicate things. With Hinata there I finally managed to bring the rasengan under control. Turns out it was leaking chakra in five different directions in concentrations too weak to notice. In return I gave her a crash course on paralytics which seems to suit her gentle nature.

Kakashi will find out about the rasengan eventually, I'm sure. Maybe he already knows, I wouldn't put it past the sneaky bugger. Hell, even if I swore the two to secrecy till I'm ready to show it off this village leaks secrets like a sieve. I've got an excuse ready, but I don't want to try it till after he considers me a team member.

Rasengan though, that thing is amazing. It's like smacking a ball of buzzsaws into your target. It'll even chew through metal if you can manage to hold onto the piece in question. Needs a fair bit of pressure to really get in deep to hard things, but that's not the important thing. The important thing is that it takes less than a second to create and no seals. See, it's all about acceleration, speed and power. The heavier the thing you're moving, the slower you accelerate and the slower your movements. That's why ninja use tiny little kunai a lot of the time, you can shift the little things faster and it's not like there's much in the way of armour once you arrive.

All this means that a barehanded ninja can get something like a 10-30% improvement in speed over the same ninja with a knives in their hands. It's also another reason why Hyuuga are such beasts, they can get all the deadliness of knives with all the speed of bare hands. All this is relevant because now, so can I! Rasengan barely has weight at all and I pity the fool who decides to block one. I think it might be possible to make the thing detonate but I'm not risking my arm to find out. I need those shadow clones.

On the subject of things shadow clones would make easier, I got a sealing teacher! She's a vicious old granny called Chie. Tongue sharper than a blade and she takes no shit at all. I don't give her any, either. She survived in this world till retirement; she could probably crush me to dust and shows an inclination to try if I get lippy. I think teaching sealing and selling the occasional set of scrolls and tags is her version of a pension. So far we've been working on the fundamentals, and it's kind of amazing how much there is to learn. I'll basically have to create my own custom seals for anything beyond sealing scrolls and tags: each person's chakra is so different from everyone else's that what works for one person will often not work for another, sometimes violently. I can use most of the standard languages and pieces, but I'll have to put them into a different order and use compensators in very specific places and there's this whole theory of how to figure out what will work for me without turning my arms into 15 metres of bloody flesh noodles.

The Uzumaki were supposedly the big outliers there. The legend goes that their bloodline made their chakra so similar that they could mostly use each others seals with no issues. It meant they could use a standardised language and library to build on each other's work, and pull off some really crazy things. Shame, guess I won't be pulling off any of the crazy shit they managed any time soon.

The Hokage requested Kakashi train Sasuke in sharingannery (totally a word), so he joins us for training once or twice a week. Once he figured the basics out I let him copy all my jutsu. Sasuke got a bit weird about that, so I asked him what he thought I meant when I said we'd share everything? He just sort of mumbled something and looked to the side. I think Ino and Sakura might have finally gotten to him.

Today Team 7 was called for a mission.


	32. Genin Days 11

A/N: Beta'd by Bob Saget. Finally getting some mileage out of my engineering degree.

Just to clarify, I re-ordered a couple chapters so that everything is in nicely chronological order now, and the chapter before this one gained a couple paragraphs on the sealing teacher near the end of the Personal Log. As a result of this will have told you I updated 3 chapters at once or something similar, but it's just the one and a bit.

ooo

 _Personal Log - year 12 month 9_

There was a little voice in the back of my mind, telling me that my first mission would be a disaster. Our client would be attacked by missing nin, his family would get captured by samurai, the road would be mined and we'd get swarmed with our backs to a cliff by bandits led by a woman with sharpened teeth. It wasn't, looking back, a particularly logical fear but I couldn't shake the feeling that some unknown force would conspire to make my first mission hell. Imagine my surprise when on our first escort mission, nothing happened. Not in the first mission, not in the second, not in the third. We met a person or caravan, we conveyed them safely to a place, we got paid, we went home.

I suppose it's another slight piece of evidence on the pile in favour of this world being deterministic as opposed to fate-based. Right next to Hinata's kid brother and Naruto not learning Shadow Clones.

ooo

With the recent windfall of cash, Tetsuo caught himself humming a tune as he hopped from roof to roof in the bright sunlight. _I'm happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag,_ went the accompanying lyrics in his head. _I'm useless, but not for long. The future, is coming on. It's coming on_. He hadn't spent the time to migrate over every detail about his previous life to his new meaty hardware, nor every bit of pop culture, but a number of songs had made the jump encoded as contextual information in the background of other memories. And he'd had to do a lot of digging through past memories recently.

Some people said money was the root of all evil. He didn't really agree - to him it seemed more like a medium of exchange that could under certain circumstances be traded for power. He wasn't really in a position to argue though, considering he was using his most recent influx of liquid assets from missions to create better ways of exploding people.

Tetsuo sighed. He couldn't sing the songs out loud like he wished to. Couldn't murmur lyrics from a non-existent language and culture under his breath where the workers could hear. A certain amount of allowance could be made for child geniuses being weird, but that likely didn't extend to composing dozens of songs in a fictional language, most in completely different styles that no-one had ever heard. Especially while also "inventing" entire new categories of cuisine, creating brand new weapons for the ninja armies and spending an excessive amount of time training.

Every extra impossible thing he did was extra strain on the minds of the people reading his cover story, and the scrutiny would only increase as he got older and lost what little presumption of innocence he'd had. Who knew where the line was, that would make them take a step back and consider alternate explanations? They didn't have to get the right answer about what he was, they just had to start asking where he was getting his ideas from. He certainly didn't have the spare time to figure them out conventionally.

Did he have contacts abroad? Was he talking to Konoha's enemies? What was he trading for all of this information? Was he selling secrets? Was there some unknown country that was writing all this music and inventing these recipes and creating these weapons? Were they a threat? These were the kinds of questions he couldn't afford to have asked, because he couldn't give information that would set them to rest. If he claimed that he was from another world they were more likely to believe he'd been fooled by a genjutsu or a Sasori style mind control seal than they were to believe him. It would hang over his head forever. Denying him access to the best training, the juiciest techniques, the most interesting secrets.

He arrived shortly at the wide open courtyard of a foundry, with smoke belching from a large chimney. He entered through wide open doors to a scene from the centre of the earth. Large crucibles of glowing molten metal were lifted and carefully poured into wide clay beds to form bright gold ingots.

A large, hairy man in black coveralls and a leather apron came over as soon as he noticed the small ninja, his skin glistening in the heat and light. His beard bristled, his eyebrows beetled, and his belly stretched at his clothing, yearning for freedom.

"You brought the moulds?" He asked in a gruff voice with a slightly deferential tone which still sounded odd to Tetsuo's ears. _It's still strange to be part of the ruling caste,_ Tetsuo mused. _Ever since I got my forehead protector it seems that my apparent status has risen. Before I could have been a normal child, but now I am unmistakably ninja and it seems that has an effect. Ah well, it's hardly an issue to get some modicum of respect, even if it seems to be less than it would be due to my age._

"I did," Tetsuo confirmed, unsealing ten clay cylinders - five large, five small - in a crate as the two moved from the main foundry to a smaller room. Hollow castings made from a wooden positive that he'd made sure to carve out in full view of his team mates and teacher.

"Are you sure I can't look at them first?" The man asked. "There's more to this than just plonking in whatever shape you want you know, and any kind of weapon will just shatter in combat if it's from a rough casting like this."

"I am aware, Toriume-san," Tetsuo replied, unconcerned as he set out the cylinders in a trough of sand while a worker connected them to a single channel of ceramic, then busied himself fetching a small crucible of iron at the end of a long pole. "In fact, I'm counting on it." _Your metallurgy expertise is noted,_ Tetuso continued in his head. _You're a decent guy, I'm sure. If any normal 12 year old came in here and tried to get you to do something like this you'd be perfectly right to question their competency. The fact of the matter though, is that I have information that you do not. Specifically, engineering techniques created and honed by another civilisation over hundreds of millions of man-hours on another world. I've set up the sprues and the overfill reservoirs, the air has space to escape and I don't need perfection here anyway. Brittle iron is fine. Even with defects it'll do the job, and secrecy is so very necessary_.

The man grunted, not happy but unwilling to push it. A young ninja could get away with so very much if the mood struck him. "Pour!" He ground out.

With practised ease the worker sent an even stream of molten metal into the centre of the arrangement, which flowed outwards along the paths dug for it into the tops of the cylinders, where it disappeared into the waiting moulds. Tetsuo's eyes were like pools of bright amber with reflected light as he stared hungrily at the cooling metal.

They stood for a time, as the glow went from bright gold, to cherry red, then dull crimson at the core as the edges started to fade to black. Eventually Toriume grabbed a long-handled pair of tongs and grasped the centre of the work. With a grunt and a heave the connected cylinders came free of the sand and were quenched in a trough of water. They bubbled and boiled and frothed as the casts cracked, then violently disintegrated under the pressures of the temperature change. A loud _crack_ filled the air as the metal came free, though still hidden in the murk.

"My thanks, Torume-san." Tetsuo bowed his head slightly as he brought out his wallet. "Now, as per our agreement?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll leave you alone," he conceded with bad grace, taking the money and leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

 _Well then, let's see what we've got,_ Tetsuo thought as he pulled the still connected metal structure from the trough. It looked like nothing so much as a hideously mutated metal spider with each leg splitting apart into two, then linking back together in club feet. One by one he broke free the metal shapes from the solid sprues where metal had flowed into them. On the nearby table he laid out the fruits of his labours: five rather strange looking kunai, each in two pieces. The hollow body that would hold the explosives, and the standard handle with a threaded base ready to be screwed into the top.

Imagine the ridged pineapple shape of the most famous style of grenade. Now picture a vicious spike on one end and a ring-end kunai handle on the other and you'll have a good of what Tetsuo held in his hand. He carefully inspected them for defects, tapping them one by one with a piece of metal; They rang with a high, sharp _ting_.

 _ting._

 _ting._

 _ting._

 _tnk._

Tetsuo frowned and held up the last grenade body, carefully going over every section without finding any visible or tactile flaws.

 _Hmmm, maybe it's internal? If I make a loop of chakra coming out of my hand and back in, weak enough to pass through metal, then I should be able to feel any differences in density between this and the others. Like a poor man's magnetic inspection device, except using alien space magic instead of magnets_.

His hand began to glow as he passed it over first one grenade body, then the other. _Yep, definitely something funky in there. Best not use that one. Ah well, four out of five isn't bad for a first try. I can cool them slower next time_.

Then it hit him, it was done. He grinned savagely as he looked down at his prize. _Oh these things are going to be so... very... useful_.


	33. Genin Days 12

A/N This interlude takes place while Tetsuo is away on his first mission out of the city, between Genin 4.10 and 4.11. Readers from a while back will notice that they've seen this chapter before. It's been polished up and made a bit nicer but the details are largely unchanged. You don't need to re-read it if you have before, though it should be noticeably better this time around.

Beta'd as always by Bob Saget, who is getting increasingly good at adding in improvements.

ooo

Interlude Sarutobi Hiruzen

The Hokage sat at his desk, freshly drawn privacy seals glowed a cool blue before him as the sunlight streamed in from behind. He faced a horror as old as civilisation. For centuries mankind has fought it in a million battles of a thousand strokes, yet with every passing year it grew stronger. Proud backs had been bowed and idealistic fighters jaded. The enemy was insurmountable and never ending.

Paperwork.

Currently his attention was held by two identical scrolls with identical broken wax seals depicting stylized storm clouds, and three small notes. One note informed him that the scrolls were safe and lacked chakra, poison, or any of the other subtle tools of the shinobi art. It also informed him they lacked a trackable scent or any other means of finding the original sender of the scrolls. The second explained that they had been dropped off separately an hour ago, just after lunch, by two different disadvantaged youths who claimed to have been paid to follow the instructions of a short, masked figure. The youths were awaiting questioning. The third told him that the two chuunin who had received and opened the scrolls had volunteered to stay at a security post within the building as a show of loyalty, which had saved him the bother of ordering them held. He made a quick note to find some minor way to show his appreciation. It rarely hurt to reinforce good behaviour.

The door made a carefully tuned noise as it opened, unobtrusive but still loud enough that it would be heard. A tanned man with two long curving scars across his face entered. The visitor's eyes glimmered as they darted across the room, his bearing low and dangerous. Dark hair was pulled back into a jagged ponytail and ears held silver rings while his chin sported a sharp goatee.

"Shikaku," greeted Hiruzen seriously, skipping the normal greetings. "The contents of this scroll include multiple S-rank secrets. I do not need to tell you that they can be shared with no-one."

Nara Shikaku, jounin commander of Konoha, decided to comment on the most obvious sign that something was amiss. "You're not using your normal privacy seals."

"My reasoning will become clear, I'm sure," his words were slow and ponderous with a certain indefinable weight to them. To him, it was as if each syllable cleaved away at the possible futures where things could remain the same. Branches were lopped away from the routes that allowed the relative peace of these last 5 years to continue, until the only paths left were filled with strife and the looming spectre of war. "I would have your assessment be untainted by my own conclusions." He heaved a sigh, and for a moment the man felt every day of his 68 years. "I am afraid I cannot be impartial in this matter, so I would hear your thoughts. Sit, read."

As Shikaku read, the Hokage stoked his long pipe and and paid careful attention to his reaction while appearing to look over his own copy of the scroll. There were truths in there that could be taken badly by a clan head, and the Ino-Shika-Cho clan bloc was a powerful force within Konoha. Though he believed he had made the right decision in bringing this to Shikaku, there was no way of truly knowing how he would react.  
 _  
For the eyes of the Hokage of Konoha only_

From the desk of Arashi

I hope my timely message 8 years ago informing you of the Kumo Affair will lead you to give my words the weight they deserve. I do not, however, expect you to believe everything I have to say outright. Trust, but verify. I have therefore ordered the intelligence I will pass on to you according to how easy it will be for you to make sure I am telling the truth.

If you have a means of ensuring privacy, I suggest you do so now. Your ANBU and staff are likely infiltrated and I cannot guarantee that there are no Hyuuga among the enemy. If you use privacy seals I cannot guarantee they have not been subverted.

The Nara jounin commander inhaled a soft breath before turning back to the scroll, his movements deliberate.  
 _  
You will obviously want to keep watch upon those members of your staff who have had access to this scroll, particularly if the second seal is broken. If this information were to fall into the wrong hands it would be disastrous. I have sent two scrolls in the hope that if one is lost or otherwise diverted the vital intelligence will still reach you. If you have received only one scroll, then you must hurry.  
_  
The rest of the scroll had been sealed behind a thick line of red wax, which was broken. "Non-standard method of sealing scroll. Cultural or individual affectation?" Shikaku mused aloud. "They were secure?" He asked.

"So far as we can tell," Hiruzen replied. "There is no sign of them being re-sealed and all personnel to come into contact with them are being held. Now, refresh my memory on this Arashi."

"Arashi. Unknown if alias or real name. Gender unknown. Shows up almost a decade ago with valuable intelligence about imminent kidnapping of Hyuuga heir," Shikaku spoke with staccato rhythm, laying out the facts. "Short figure suspicious. Possibly either dwarf, student, transformation technique. Any experienced intelligence worker would pick a more imposing form to better intimidate the messengers, which questioning revealed he or she had no problems with doing last time. Possible intentional misdirection. Assumed dead or inactive after 8 years."

"Now take into account that he showed up with exactly the same description as last time."

"Could be anyone. No guarantee the short figure is even Arashi anyway, could be a second go between. We checked the academy students last time on the off-chance one was bribed but none showed an influx of money. Could also be deliberate misdirection to throw us off the scent of a person who was or is legitimately short," Shikaku sighed. "We both know the transformation technique makes this anyone's guess."

"Very well, continue," Hiruzen gestured at the scroll.  
 _  
The first and quickest for you to verify is the repeated bloodline theft and treason of one Shimura Danzo. Beneath the bandages covering his right eye is the Sharingan of Uchiha Shisui. Beneath the gauntlet covering his arm are up to ten more, taken after the Uchiha Massacre which he ordered Uchiha Itachi to carry out in order to pre-empt the coup - in defiance of your orders._

Hiruzen's practiced eye caught a slight inwards movement of the shoulders as muscles pulled fractionally tighter.  
 _  
The arm itself has been implanted with the cells of Senju Hashirama by Orochimaru. This may be unpalatable and hard to believe, so I implore you again to verify my words for yourself. If you believe him innocent, it would be simplicity itself to check his arm or eye and put your mind to rest. If he is guilty, you cannot allow him to continue unchecked._

S _hould you choose to do so, take precautions. Shisui's eye has the ability to command a person to do or believe anything. It cannot be resisted, though it also cannot be used more than once a day. It would therefore be inadvisable to meet him in person, as he could simply command you to believe him innocent and have your shinobi stand down. With the 10 eyes in his arm he can cheat death 10 times through use of Izanagi. The Hashirama cells grant him regeneration and a crude wood release. Finally he has a suicide fuuinjutsu upon his chest which will kill anything within its radius upon activation. It's radius is likely to be between 4 and 7 metres._

 _Next is the continued operation of Root within the village under the leadership of Shimura Danzo. Members likely make use of tunnels beneath the village and can often be distinguished by a seal upon the base of their tongue, which does not allow them to speak of Root operations to people who are not themselves Root. Their recruitment practices are deplorable. Children are taken at a young age, brainwashed, trained in combat and encouraged to bond with a fellow recruit. As a final graduation test, they are made to fight what is likely their only friend to the death. They are treated as expendable and primarily perform missions too distasteful or high risk to be assigned by normal Konoha authorities. It is likely they have infiltrated ANBU, and it is possible that they would have defectors or sympathisers within your staff. Though fully Root trained agents tend to stand out as a result of the emotion deadening process, that does not preclude him from also using more conventional agents. If you can find one Yakushi Kabuto, he is an ex-member of Root. He is likely also an infiltrator for Orochimaru._

 _There is a high likelihood that Orochimaru's village of Sound shall stage an invasion of Konoha during the upcoming Chuunin Exams. It is probable that they either have or soon will have subverted, puppeted or otherwise controlled the Kazekage and plan to add Sand forces to the invasion attempt. Sand would likely go along with this as a response to the Wind Daimyo cutting their budget. Their jinchuuriki Gaara is powerful but has a fragile mental state as a result of isolation, repeated attempts on his life by Sand shinobi, his inability to sleep and an imperfect seal allowing his biju to rage at him continuously since his birth. However, there is a high chance he could be reformed or turned provided a properly sympathetic figure._

 _Moving on there is Akatsuki, of which Orochimaru is a former member. An organization of S-Rank missing nin hostile to Konoha, based in and directed by the current ruler of Amegakure. Their goals require them to obtain a large quantity of funds. They are led by Nagato, otherwise known as Pein. He is a user of the legendary rinnegan whom Jiraiya trained along with Konan and Yahiko prior to the civil war where they defeated Hanzo the Salamander. Unfortunately the three were very close, and Yahiko was killed by Root members in leaf headbands, giving Pein a deep seated hatred of Konoha despite his former teacher's affiliations. If made to feel cornered Pein has both the power and the willingness to literally destroy the entirety of any hidden village -Konoha included - by himself. Because of the perceived betrayal, I would counsel you against sending Jiraiya to talk to him._

 _Known members include Uchiha Itachi, Pein's six puppet bodies,_ _Konan,_ _Kakuzu, Hidan, Hoshigaki Kisame, Deidara, Sasori of the red sands, Zetsu, and Obito Uchiha –currently known as Tobi. Kakashi will probably be quite surprised that his old team mate survived the cave in. You should warn him, however, that this is not the boy he once knew. He has been possessed by the undying spirit of Uchiha Madara who plans to conquer the world through use of an ancient and powerful jutsu._

 _The following is a list of more detailed information about these and other potential threats._

The pages that followed were a goldmine of information. Descriptions, combat ratings, abilities, weak points and tentative psychological profiles for some of the most powerful shinobi in the elemental nations. There were large gaps and areas that were clearly labelled as speculation, but it was outweighed by the sheer utility of the intel. This was the sort of knowledge that was not acquired without someone dying. Shikaku had other priorities though, as was to be expected of a family man.

"The Uchiha Massacre was intentional?" He asked, tone deadly serious. "And they were planning a coup when they died?"

"As I said," Hiruzen's voice was iron, crashing down from the heavens. "Multiple. S-rank. Secrets. Root was officially disbanded after the massacre, as Danzo's punishment for going behind my back. Had they not been planning a civil war it would never have been allowed, and he would have been executed." He stated into Shikaku's eyes unflinchingly, the grandfatherly act set aside. That the Nara clan would remain safe so long as it stayed loyal was left unsaid, but understood by both parties. "Now. Your assessment?"

"If accurate this information implies a large, sophisticated, hidden and effective spy network that we were completely unaware of. Could it be a defector from Danzo's organisation? They clearly wish for him to be removed, it could be a personal grudge." Shikaku's narrow eyebrows drew together. "I can corroborate many of these details, too many. Others can be looked into. Some of this... there should be no way to know this information without large breaches in our security."

"It could be an elaborate trap," offered Hiruzen. "Get us to corroborate a lot of small details so we believe a big lie. What do we know about Akatsuki?"

"A group by that name has recently been taking and turning in unofficial bounties. Mostly small fry so far with the occasional big fish. Their numbers appear to be small at this time. We know they operate in Fire, Iron and Grass, but they could also be doing so in other parts of the elemental nations and we've simply missed them. Distinctive cloaks of black with red clouds. Possibly to make them harder to distinguish when they don't wear them. The intelligence that we have is not inconsistent with a small number of highly ranked missing nin raising funds."

"If it is actually headed by an old student of Jiraiya," Hiruzen pondered carefully as smoke trailed up from his pipe, "then this could be trying to poison the well when we consider possible diplomatic contact. Similarly, if we go barging in demanding to search the Kazekage for mind control seals we could cause a diplomatic incident with our strongest ally. If we concentrate our forces in Konoha during the Chuunin exams in preparation for an invasion, we would be vulnerable to attacks at our border posts."

"We can't discount the possibility, but they could get the same effect far more cheaply. There's no need to give us all of this. The fact is that if they do want to damage Konoha, releasing information about the Uchiha Massacre to the various clans would be a far simpler method. And an 8 year set up time? That's an odd length of time to wait, though I've seen stranger. It's more weak evidence in favour of a Root defector, if they were on constant missions between then and now. It would have to be someone higher up in the organisation, someone with access to a lot of their intelligence. But that would mean Danzo knew about the Hyuuga incident and didn't tell us. Why wouldn't they mention that too? Unless they believe this to be enough information and don't want to implicate themself." Shikaku recognised that he had come to the end of that thought chain and refocused. "What happens," he asked dangerously softly, rolling the words around his mouth. "If the information is accurate? It makes a reasonable point, much of this can be quickly corroborated or disproved. We would be subtle of course, no need to make waves and create an exploitable opening if this is a trick."

"I worried that you might say that." Hiruzen replied, emotions tightly reined in.

"I know that you two have been through a lot together, but if this information is correct then he has betrayed the very foundation of this village while withholding vital information." Shikaku's voice was measured, steady, inexorable. "You know as well as I do that the clans banded together for safety from bloodlimit thieves as much as anything else. You know," he paused significantly, "exactly how they would react if the information were to come to light."

"Very well," The Hokage was beaten, but he still had the pride not to show it. "You may assemble a strike force, we shall proceed as if the information is accurate. You may _not_ take him into custody unless you have proof of his guilt, he attacks first or he resists attempts to bare his eye or arm."

"It would be best to do it when he comes to the tower to speak with you. I will have to think up countermeasures for an ultimate genjutsu. Perhaps a decentralised command structure..."

As the tactical details flowed over him, the Hokage mourned the loss of the man who was once his closest friend. He wanted to disbelieve, but the facts fit what he knew too well. There were too many secrets that no-one should know. _Why couldn't you just stay down, Danzo? Was I that bad a kage to you? Was I that bad a friend?_

ooo

A/N The letter in this update was intentionally written from my memory of the series and nothing more, leaving out many details that I have learned since Tetsuo got split off. It represents almost everything Tetsuo thinks he knows about the situation, apart from a few key details he has held back and one or two points he has intentionally fudged to be more believable. If there are inaccuracies, do let me know so there can be a decent chance for them to backfire in a suitable manner.

Yes, he does think that Madara is possessing Obito. His foreknowledge isn't amazing, is largely based on fanfiction and is rapidly running out. He intentionally did not tell them that Akatsuki is hunting Jinchuuriki.

In related news, sod the rails we're going off-roading.


	34. Genin Days 13

A/N I've decided to just push these out or else we'll never get anywhere.

I got a thousand follows and favs. Yay! Thanks, people who read stuff.

Beta'd by Bob Saget.

ooo

It was a bright day, as usual, as Team 7 performed D-ranks between training. Tetsuo was painting a fence besides Naruto and Hinata, attempting to use globs of paint held in his chakra instead of a brush. It wasn't working very well, but practice was practice. He was beginning to wonder if maybe this country didn't actually have proper seasons. If it was tilted only a small amount on its axis as it spun, it would explain the very minor level of seasonal variation that Konoha had been experiencing these past 12 years. Oh, there was the occasional rain storm or cloudy day, but things didn't seem to change much depending on what time of the year it was. The years themselves were 368 days long, so it was up in the air as to whether the planet was even earth or not. It was _possible_ to change an orbit like that, but it would take a lot of work. The trees were mostly broadleaf evergreens, as well, though who really knew when dealing with creations of wood release? In theory it shouldn't be too hard to figure out the angle of tilt, he'd just have to trace the arcs of a spot of sun across the walls of his room on the longest and shortest day of the year.

Now that he'd noticed it, this was rather alarming to someone who used to be British. A quick poll of his chakra brain informed him that weather should be cruel and changeable, promising sun then delivering drizzle right when you bring the barbecue out. The instincts of his old mind insisted wryly that this steady warmth was unnatural, and trying to lull him into a false sense of security. His new mind considered this state of affairs to be perfectly normal, and both luxuriated in the heat. He had always loved the sun, even with the increased brightness from his new eyes he enjoyed every moment that the warm golden glow enveloped him.

Finished with his work, he stood with a stretch. The crack of his back rang out through the quiet afternoon and marked the end of the working day.

As they left the old couple who owned the house bowed and spoke their parting words. "Many thanks Hatake-san, Hyuuga-sama, Nakano-san."

Naruto's smile grew slightly wider.

Hinata's careful facade did not change, but she moved slightly closer to Naruto's position in the centre of the team. Tetsuo gave the couple a short glare before turning to head off towards mission office. It's not like blowing up at a random old couple would achieve anything useful.

ooo

 _Ground sky ground sky ground sky ground sky_

Tetsuo spread his arms and legs wide, slowing his spin. Chakra flooded his inner ear, stabilising the fluids within. Wind whistled past him as he shot through the air across the training field. He had to time this bit just... right...

 _sky_

 _ground_

 _sky_

 _ground_

 _tree_

 _whnk_

His back flattened against the rough bark as the breath exploded out of him in a harsh exhale. _Not as planned_. As he struggled to breathe and fell to the floor, he kicked off of the tree and shot back towards the fight. Hinata was engaging the enemy with a blistering series of high speed attacks. Naruto was providing support with a barrage of dummy explosives filled with paint.

Bombs filled the space leaving an empty spot for Kakashi to dodge to... there. Tetsuo dove for the opening as Kakashi laid down a hail of blades towards Hinata, who batted them from the air. Seeing an opening, he _struck_ -

His fist hit wood, splinters flew. Spinning away from the freshly substituted log, he zeroed in on Kakashi who... swapped with the log again. _Crap_. Twisting back around, he felt simultaneous hits on his spine and kidney.

"Dead." Kakashi noted absently.

Hinata rocketed towards him, almost catching up but the angle was wrong, allowing him to dart back and swiftly disable Naruto.

"Dead." He sounded bored.

Hinata held out longer, but without support there was only one way it could end.

"Dead." He tapped her neck with a kunai. Her shoulders tightened slightly. Groaning, Naruto and Tetsuo walked up for their customary lecture. They were aware intellectually that this was vital information, but that didn't make Kakashi's briefings enjoyable by any stretch of the imagination.

ooo

"Hey Saaaaasuke!" Tetsuo called out teasingly as he bounded into their customary training ground. "Shikamaaaaru!" He did not skid to a halt, his momentum abruptly halted with an application of chakra through the feet.

"Tetsuo." Sasuke acknowledged him evenly with a nod and a quick flick of the eyes as he worked through a series of blisteringly fast shuriken throws. Wait a beat, then the eyes flick over him again as if to make sure he was still there.

It was something Tetsuo had noticed since the Sharingan incident. It was subtle, but sometimes it seemed his friend was desperately trying to reassure himself that everything was fine, that Tetsuo was fine, that he wasn't bleeding out on the floor filled with metal. It seemed becoming a young boy's truest friend and then staging the most traumatic scene possible with the expectation that it would be permanently seared into his brain had left a mark. How unexpected.

Shikamaru blew out a stream of fire from his position slouched against a log before responding. "Hey." Deadpan, with a half wave. They had found a style of training that worked for him, and it involved a lot of lying very still and occasionally performing jutsu without getting up.

"I've got something to show you!" Tetsuo sing songed saucily. "Something hard, something explosive, and it fits in the palm of your hand. I'm not sure the world is ready for it but it's going to be exposed anyway and damn the consequences!"

Shikamaru quirked a single eyebrow while Sasuke started towards the target to remove his shuriken where they clustered tightly about the vital points. They had grown wise to his games.

"Sasuke, I think it will help with our goal." Tetsuo's voice was quiet. "Shikamaru, it might have tactical implications for Leaf as a whole."

Heads swivelled, eyes locked on, Shikamaru rose to his feet as Sasuke turned away from the target, shuriken now ignored. He had their full and complete attention.

"Tetsuo." Sasuke spoke with a quiet intensity. "Define 'something.'"

"Something interesting," Tetsuo completely failed to clarify. "Something I think you'll want to see. Something that I think will help with our goals." His eyes unfocused. "Yours more than mine."

"Show me."


	35. Genin Days 14

A/N I wrote this on a riverbank, on a deck chair under the warm sun. The river sparkled, the birds chirped, the ducks beat the shit out of each other, a deer and a heron wandered past, the horses wandered around and the rabbits fucked each other's brains out. I sat there and ate chocolate chip cookies and wrote stuff, it was very zen.

Beta'd by Bob Saget.

ooo

The tomoe in Sasuke's eyes spun slowly as he watched through the chain mesh window in the earthen bunker. It was said that nothing could hide from the sharingan. This was not true of course, but it was truer than most of the things people say.

 _Crump-whmph_

Went the new weapons, one by one as Tetsuo threw them in soaring arcs towards the targets that tried so hard to be shinobi, or at least to die like them. They fell as black crows wearing suicide vests; harbingers of death in the most literal sense.

 _Crump-whmph_

The last weapon exploded, and the three walked over to examine the wooden logs dressed in spare chain mesh and cloth, with watermelons for heads. They were peppered with hits and the watermelons were reduced to so much red flesh.

 _Well, here goes nothing. Let's see if good reasons to make an exception can trump culture and tradition._ "Sasuke." Tetsuo turned to him. "You've been training with Kurenai. Can you show me the world, the way you see it?"

Sasuke started slightly, his brows narrowed as he focused on the middle distance. Shikamaru sucked in a breath. "You _know_ why it isn't done. You remember when they drilled it into our heads at the academy. You dispel genjutsu _immediately_ after noticing. It has to be a reflex action, or you lose valuable time mid-combat."

"I'll _take_ the _hit_." Tetsuo's voice was turning frustrated. "It's worth the tradeoff."

"Come on." Shikamaru replied heatedly. "Most couples don't even do this! Remember what happened to Mizuki when his girlfriend tricked him into a genjutsu of his neighbour propositioning him? He was limping for days."

"I can accept that risk," Tetsuo reposted, stubborn as a mountain. "It is lesser for me than it would be for others anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shikamaru shot back.

"Bloodline secrets." Tetsuo's fists clenched.

Shikamaru fingers twitched towards his the spot on his leg where his kunai holster rested.

Sasuke's eyes refocused as he finished his deliberations. "Tetsuo." His jaw clenched.

"It's okay Sasuke, I trust you." Tetsuo put an arm onto his shoulder and stared into his eyes, then glanced at Shikamaru. "And I trust _you_ not to tell the fangirls."

Sasuke drew a deep breath. "The long term is meaningless if we don't survive the short." He replied evenly with only a hint of cracking in his voice. "And I suppose you did unlock them for me." A faint smile reached his lips.

Tetsuo smile beamed out as he tried his best to categorise this as something other than what he had been taught repeatedly to dispel on instinct. _Friend, not enemy, don't dispel, don't react, don't flinch, accept welcome openwelcomeaccept_ , went his thoughts and for a moment he felt an eddy of white-purple and the scent of a sea breeze brush at the tips of his fingers. Something he had never experienced in this life. He stared into Sasuke's eyes as they changed from black to red, and Shikamaru glared from behind him.

"See the world as I see."

Sasuke met Tetsuo's gaze, and then everything was different.

The chain mesh was close. Like thin fabric held right up to the eye, it didn't meaningfully impair vision. Every detail _screamed_ for his attention. Every leaf a symphony of green, the fall of a water droplet from the canopy above was a serene procession of multicoloured light. The fragmentation blade dipped slowly through the air, as a wave of blue pulsed out to catch it. The wave passed with barely a ripple and lit the weapons' own glow, which snapped from black to blue to bright cyan in an instant. It was odd, the blue was there, but the colour underneath was still visible in a way that shouldn't normally be possible. Along a seam the blade ruptured, then came apart. Black sections tore along carefully shaped ridges to free shining metallic innards as bright glows of cyan-yellow fire first bulged then speared free of their confinement. The ridged lumps of black and silver first matched then outraced the fire, which slowed as it spread into a bright, irregular starburst metres across.

Then there was impact. Two of five watermelons threw chunks of purple flesh, wooden targets released puffs of sawdust or clusters of sharp splinters. Cloth rippled, metal bent.

Fire faded and died. Cyan-yellow turned to blue-orange, to red, to nothing.

And then Tetsuo was back in his body, sucking in deep breaths with his arm still on Sasuke's shoulder, who was watching him with rapt attention.

Shikamaru's eyes darted back and forth between them. "Son of a bitch," he muttered.

"It worked?" Sasuke asked. "You're..."

"Just..." Tetsuo sucked in a breath, and another, "A lot to process. You really see like that every time you fight?"

"A wonder, isn't it." A serene smile on his face.

Tetuso nodded dumbly.

"Gods and silence," Shikamaru wore a poleaxed expression, "And I actually laughed when Hinata suggested something like this would happen. I _laughed_."

Sasuke turned away, embarrassed. Tetsuo just stared Shikamaru down. "Do you have something to say about who I choose as a genjutsu partner?" Tetsuo asked meaningfully. _Best way to deal with getting caught out: own it. No-one can embarrass you without your consent. Double down, go balls to the wall, and see who flinches first_. His grin grew so wide it seemed to eclipse the rest of his face, orange eyes glinting in the evening sun. "Why Shikamaru, I'd almost say that you were jealous." He threw his arms out dramatically, voice loud and expressive. "It's okay! You know I would never abandon our 'agreement.'" Tetsuo's eyebrows wiggled.

Sasuke burst out laughing while Shikamaru choked on his own spit. "That wasn't our agreement and you know it!" He paused, realised he'd been played, refocused. "You said this 'fragmentation blade' would affect the balance of power in the Elemental Nations. It seems useful and everything, but I wouldn't say it's anything a jounin couldn't do."

"It's not supposed to be." Tetsuo replied seriously, back to business in an instant. "In the end, they're nothing but a harder to dodge explosive tag with a larger kill radius... But I can make them cheap. _Really_ cheap. The idea is to mass produce them, win more low-mid level battles so more ninja survive long enough to become jounin."

"They seem pretty simple." Shikamaru replied, tone challenging. "Obvious even, in retrospect."

Tetsuo nodded, accepting the point. "We'd only have the advantage for a short number of years before they were reverse engineered. If their use is tightly controlled, used only in certain situations, we might still have the advantage by the time the next war rolls around."

"You want me to tell my dad." Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "You want _me_ to explain it instead of you."

"When they're ready, yes." Tetsuo nodded again. "Earlier than that in fact, so he has time to prepare things. After all, he _would_ be the person in the best position to decide where and how to make use of them. I could make them myself but... I really don't have the time to organise a company, so I'd be happy to sell you the idea and the secret to making them in exchange for a cut of the profits and a dedicated supply." A thought seemed to occur to him. "Sasuke, do you want to buy in? It seems likely that you'll more than make your money back, and you'll end up with the very best of the weapons we make."

"Sure," Sasuke nodded evenly, "It's not like I really spend it on anything anyway, and I don't see a better way to buy a power boost."

"There, you don't even have to front the up-front costs." Tetsuo spread his arms invitingly, palms up. "Just the manpower."

"I see what you're doing." Shikamaru's gaze was laser sharp. "You end up with a nice pile of money and weapons, someone else does all the work, and you can get back to _experimenting_ with seals and explosives." He spat the last words like a curse. "Like you've apparently been doing for years without supervision."

"Then you see that it's good for Leaf that I do it." Tetsuo countered. Each word was deliberate, weighty. "After all, the Ino-Shika-Cho faction would be much more likely to be able to manufacture them while keeping the whole thing under wraps. Good for me, good for you, good for everyone apart from the enemy."

Their gazes matched for a long moment, each looking for the slightest tell that the other would back down. Shikamaru barked a mirthless laugh and looked away. "There's really no helping you is there?" He muttered just loud enough for Tetsuo to hear, then spun on his heel and left the clearing.

"What do you suppose got him so upset?" Sasuke wondered aloud.

"You know?" Tetsuo looked up at the sky, then down at the ragged ruin of the target dummies. "I really couldn't say for sure. With a guy like Shikamaru, there are so many things."

"Hn." Sasuke replied eloquently. "He'll live."

"I suppose." Tetsuo agreed. "Still, I'll have to talk to him later."

They stood in silence for a time, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Could you show me the third one?" Tetsuo broke the still air. "I want to see how the vents affect the final speed."

Sasuke smiled.

ooo

A/N Arg! This wasn't supposed to be shipping fuel! How did this happen!?

Also I'd like to thank everyone for all the reviews so far. I read all of them and reply to questions when I've got the time.


	36. Genin Days 15

A/N Beta'd by Bob Saget, who once punched a man so hard that his arms turned into trombones. Finally have a plan for the transition arc before that allows me to get to the next arc. God damn did that take a long time.

ooo

 _glint glint_

"Uuuuuuuuuh." A sound straight out of a low budget zombie movie echoed around the modest apartment.

 _glint glint._

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!" Again it echoed as Tetsuo cracked one eye open to glare at the offending sun, which dared to shine so fucking early. Yesterday-Tetsuo had apparently decided it would be a fun idea to stick a mirror at a carefully calculated angle to wake him at this exact moment. Morning-Tetsuo concluded that yesterday-Tetsuo was an arsehole and could suck a dick. That fucker knew perfectly well that he'd been up till three working on making the fragmentation blades properly ready for mass production with the new internal ridges. Knew perfectly well, and then he went and pulled shit like this anyway.

Arsehole.

 _I hate this bit,_ he thought for the hundredth time as he squinted into the bathroom through bleary eyes. Directives carved deep into his grey matter over long days asserted themselves, and he sucked in a deep breath. A quick flicker of handseals, then Tetsuo was sliding down a board to splash into a cold bath while a large rock settled itself into his bed. It hadn't been particularly difficult to find an angle for the board where the rock would rest dry and out of the water, while he would not.

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

It was a wide awake but not particularly cheery Tetsuo that showed up to the Nara estate shortly afterwards, wearing his new clothing. He felt hollowed out and jittery, like his insides had been packed with cold earth and his senses numbed. Sounds were both louder and harder to focus on. The symptoms of sleep deprivation were old friends to his past life, less so in this one.

He nodded to the guard on duty as he passed a simple fenced border designed less to keep people out than simply to make it more obvious if they were slipping in. He really did love the Nara estate. A long curving sine wave of homely, well loved houses, all backing onto deep forests. The divide between bright lawn and cool shady forest was abrupt, looking like the cover of a storybook Tetsuo's other mind had once seen. The whole place smelt of rich, deep loam with subtle hints of deer and man. There were fewer trees above the houses, but what few there were appeared to have been cleverly placed and guided in their growth to ensure patches of light and shadow at all hours of the day. It was both beautiful, and an effective defensive measure for a clan whose very shadows were weapons. The trees had lanterns on their trunks, and when they were lit at night the entire place seemed criss-crossed in intersecting black paths, while the darkness was lit with warming golden glows.

Shikamaru was waiting instead of his usual contact, sitting with his back against a wooden post on his family's porch, shogi board set up and ready in front of him. Tetsuo passed over a scroll containing the latest version of the designs, altered for the umpteenth time after talking things over with the specialist the Nara hired. Shikamaru looked them over for a bit, then looked up slowly. "We should talk." The first piece moved forwards.

 _click_

Tetsuo sunk down opposite him and put his back to his own post. _Put this off too long already, I suppose._ He decided, _knew it wasn't a smart move, not like waiting would make things any better. Maybe the next round of alterations… ah well._ "Alright." He stared blankly at the board for a moment, then made his own move.

 _click_

"Clearly you're annoyed with me. I'd prefer it if you'd tell me why."

Shikamaru's eyes flickered to the scroll and back again. "Let's start with the easier stuff: where the hell did you find the time to learn all the things you know? We're twelve. They tell me these designs show an understanding of metallurgy more suited to a trained professional, and that's barely the tip of spear of the knowledge you've shown."

 _click_

Careful control of body language, don't show anything you don't want to show. "I spend a lot of time in the library."

 _click_

" _Sakura_ spends a lot of time in the library. She makes a good baseline for how much a person can learn. You spend most of your time training then pull brand new ideas no-one has ever heard of from thin air. Everyone else might be happy to call it genius, but I've got the inside view of what it's like to be a so-called genius and it doesn't match up. This new clothing you're wearing - what did you call it - camouflage? The solutions all so deceptively simple in retrospect so everyone can lie to themselves and say they could have thought of it, but they didn't, not in the 70 years since Konoha was founded. There's too much, from too much complicated knowledge to come to these simple answers from too many fields of study that you haven't had access to, and most of it is too advanced for you to have figured it out by yourself. "

 _click_

Tetsuo sighed. _Guess my excuses weren't as good as I thought. Really don't like doing this to Shikamaru. Not knowing things _eats_ at him. Still, needs must_. All the same, it offended something in Tetsuo's core more than a little to respond to the search for knowledge in such a manner. It was useful at least that his sour expression matched what his expression would be if he were keeping the same secrets that he was pretending to. "Bloodline secrets."

 _click_

Shikamaru's stare was every bit as unimpressed as that statement deserved. "Bloodline secrets." Disappointment dripped from his tone.

 _click_

Tetsuo matched his stare with a slightly cornered one. "Bloodline secrets. If I tell people and I ever have kids, then they won't have as much of an advantage." He looked up to the sky briefly. "Or at least, I think they're bloodline secrets." He chuckled bitterly, harsh consonants echoing off the nearby house. "Don't exactly have any Nakano around I can ask, do I? For all I know I'm a newblood, or a fucking oneshot." _I hate using social conventions against him like this, especially since he knows I'm doing it and still can't cross that line._ Newbloods were where a new bloodline cropped up from the random combination of genes in the general populace and was passed on to their kids. Oneshots were similar, but their abilities were not passed down.

"I can accept that, I suppose. Wouldn't be the weirdest bloodline out there. I'm not exactly happy about it, but I won't push." Shikamaru gave Tetsuo a measuring look laced with a small amount of pity, then appeared to decide something. "While the Hokage's office is not... technically supposed to keep records on bloodline abilities that are not explicitly told to him by the clans, there is an… understanding that you might not be aware of. That the clans tacitly accept that no military commander would be entirely competent if he _didn't_ try to figure out what exactly the forces under their command were capable of." Their game continued in silence for a few moments while Tetsuo processed this new information.

Tetsuo frowned slightly. "So… how would one go about getting… access to this information that doesn't technically exist?"

"Asking the Hokage - discreetly - would probably be your best bet."

Tetsuo gave an answering nod and their game continued in silence for a time.

Tetsuo was trying to figure out how to get out of a tricky trap Shikamru had set up three moves in the future. Shogi - much like ninja combat - was a game of constant offence, and Tetsuo was a step behind. "You said there was more?"

 _click_

Shikamaru's eyes rested on the small pock-marks that dotted Tetsuo's neck from Anko's senbon. Subtle things, they looked more like blemishes than scars if you didn't know what you were looking at. "You're taking risks. Too many risks, I don't like what it implies."

 _click_

"And what does it imply?" Tetsuo responded blandly while his heart raced.

 _click_

"I know you Tetsuo, better than anyone. I know how you think. I know how you decide things, the alien logic that turns the gears inside your head. You did try to to explain it after all. I can see the shape of the holes in your thinking. The hidden things whose presence can be inferred by how they move the things that can be seen. Every action you take moves towards a single purpose. Most of it would make sense, be helpful even, if your goal was to make our class be stronger. The training disguised as pranks, manipulating people into watching the chuunin exams, the impromptu lessons on drugging people, convincing me to come train with you and Sasuke. You even help people who don't like you like Sakura so it's probably not _purely_ for your own benefit.

Tetsuo set back to listen. When Shikamaru got like this it was best to wait it out, he had a certain need to explain the whole thing.

"And that makes sense, fine, but there are parts that don't make sense. You're taking risks. Unsupervised sealing. Explosives manufacture. Whatever it is that got you those scars that you and Sasuke won't give details about, but he seems grateful for. That thing with Gai that put you in the hospital. You're preparing for something big. Something that you believe to have a high chance of your death, or of an outcome you consider more important than your death. Something that means Sasuke would say 'the long term is meaningless if you don't survive the short'. So. Tell me why."

Tetsuo sighed. "Man, I should have known I couldn't keep something like this from you forever." _Tell a small truth to hide a big lie_. "Me and Sasuke, we're going to have to kill Itachi."

He sucked in a hissing breath. "Do you have a deep and abiding desire to commit suicide?"

"I'd have hoped you'd have a little more faith in me than that. I have plans."

"You just named one of the most dangerous S-ranked ninja in existence. Forgive me if I'm not overflowing with confidence in your 'plans'. There is a level of power disparity that crushes any level of intelligence and trickery to dust."

Tetsuo sat up straighter, looked Shikamaru straight in the eye and tried to impress exactly how serious he was about this into every syllable. Each word fell like tombstones crashing onto rock from high above. "He's going to come for Sasuke eventually, and I'm not abandoning him to die alone." _He needs eternal mangekyou from his brother's sockets, I need his current eyes. It is a dangerous but necessary step to make every other step safer._

"So instead you want to die together with him? How fucking noble." He spoke the word like a curse. _Oh if only you knew, Shikamaru. Nobility is the furthest thing from my mind._

"I have no _intention_ of dying." _Not now, not ever_.

Shikamaru moved a piece, glancing down then staring off into the distance forest.

 _click_

"A lot of people have said those words. Some of them even came back afterwards. Checkmate."

ooo

A/N Next update is a mission, so if anyone wants to give me a name for the seven or so chapters that this brings to a close, that would be much appreciated. I'll pick the one I like most.


	37. Interlude

A/N Beta'd by Bob Saget who once fought 100 duck sized horses, but has yet to fight a horse sized duck.

ooo

 _Interlude: Shimura Danzo_

As Danzo climbed the last of the steps to the Hokage's office, his thoughts ran in slow circles. Squad 5 would need backup if the intelligence from squad 14 was accurate. Agent 37 was closest, the message was already on its way. Now there was just the waiting. There was always the waiting. That endlessly stretched moment between choice and result, cause and effect. He disliked waiting. The _tap… tap… tap..._ of his cane as he rounded the corner to the Hokage's office was just another reminder of the time he had to waste traveling so very slowly for the sake of secrecy. Patience was vital to a shinobi, but that did not make it pleasant. Maybe this meeting would take his mind off of it. Hiruzen had sent a messenger, apparently he needed his expert opinion on a delicate matter after the general jounin meeting.

Just like so many times before.

His spies had not been able to tell him what that matter was. A less frequent occurrence, but not abnormal.

The schedule for a general meeting of the jounin currently in Konoha was a closely guarded secret, it would not do for anyone to know ahead of time where they would be, and more importantly where they would _not_ be. After all, the people in this room comprised a majority of the total combat strength of what was - finally, and after so much work - once again the strongest nation on the continent. Each were demigods amongst men, titans with the power to destroy dozens of lesser fighters, between them they could wipe lesser villages off of the map and only a tenuous system of ever-shifting alliances and counterweights kept this from happening.

… From happening again.

Danzo remembered well the lesson of Uzushigakure. Even the strongest of allies were useless if they did not arrive in time to make a difference, and most alliances were weak as cobwebs in the breeze. Where were Sand when the strongest crop of Konoha shinobi in decades were cut down by the Kyuubi? Three days away. By the time they'd been told of the threat, it was already too late. Where was Konoha when Uzu was destroyed in a single night? Sleeping soundly, unaware. No, the only way forwards was for Konoha to be strongest, and if that was accomplished by keeping others too weak to challenge them, so be it.

At the head of the table was the man known as the God of Shinobi. Danzo wondered for the hundredth time how many outside this room actually believed the grandfatherly act he had chosen. So few these days had seen him fight - had seen him kill. Danzo headed forwards, to take his place by his old teammate's side. He had timed his arrival carefully and arrived just on time, so that it appeared that the meeting waited for him before starting. It was a simple thing, but many simple things added together could be powerful indeed.

Sarutobi looked across the room, just as he always did. He took his pipe from his mouth, just as he always did. Then he stood from his desk and turned to Danzo, this was not as he always did.

Sarutobi's eyes latched onto his face. Searching, searching. What were they searching for? "Shimura Danzo." His voice was cool and steady, conspicuously leaving off his title. He took a deep breath, and let it out. "As you were informed earlier, Shimura Danzo was called here under false pretences. The actual reason for this meeting is as follows: we have received intelligence implicating him in bloodline theft. Specifically, that you have had a byakugan implanted into your right eye socket." The gathered shinobi were all facing him, and for the first time in a long while he considered how menacing it was to face an entire room of angry jounin.

Danzo's whole body tensed, his heart raced, his mind whirled. Who talked? Who talked? Who figured it out? It couldn't have been Orochimaru, he knew that it was no byakugan behind those bandages. Whoever it was had to have incomplete information, but it was still deadly to him all the same. Finding him innocent of having a byakugan but guilty of having a sharingan was no less deadly. No matter, going forwards was the important thing. He needed an out, a way out, an angle, an edge, a corner, anything. His mouth started, a practiced lie on his lips while his mind kept working. "I lost this eye defending Konoha from Rock shinobi, as well you know. I do not appreciate this obvious attempt to sow discord amongst the ranks, where does this 'intelligence' even-"

"I know you do not like to show off your injuries, old friend." Sarutobi continued inexorably. "You won't have to show it to all of us, just me."

An angle! A ray of light and a way out all at once! Their incomplete intelligence had given him a way, they thought he had only a byakugan, they did not know he had the one tool that would allow him to perfectly escape this situation. He made a show of considering as Hiruzen walked to the back of the room before appearing to agree reluctantly. He would need to turn his back on the jounin, which prickled at his instincts, but it was the only way to stop the others from _seeing_. He could only use his ultimate genjutsu on one person a day, and that one person would have to be Sarutobi. He had never dared use it on him before in case he somehow had a countermeasure or a way of checking for altered memories, but it was the only way. A forced move. Fortunately the room was blessedly free of dedicated sensor jounin who could detect the small chakra flare.

Danzo turned to Sarutobi, his old friend, and slowly reached up to the bandages covering his eye. Meanwhile he prepared the exact deception he planned on using, that of a completely ordinary empty eye socket. His timing would need to exact, he opened the specially treated bandages at precisely the moment that the dart of chakra shot from the centre of his eye to the centre of Sarutobi's.

Who popped like a punctured balloon.

Leaving only smoke.

The walls came down, metaphorically and also physically. The walls to the side sunk into the floor at the bidding of earth users. _There_ were the sensors, there was the carefully chosen team of shinobi with the exact abilities needed to counter his own, there was the true Sarutobi.. His expression was heartbroken as he shook his head. "I had hoped…" He trailed off then fixed Danzo with a look. His voice was raw and shaking. "Shimura Danzo, you are under arrest for bloodline theft, desecrating the corpse of a former Hokage, treason and other crimes still to be determined. Surrender and you may still be of some use to our village. Surrender, or die."

For a long moment Danzo stood there, weighing his choices. In the end though, there was only one choice. The same choice he had always made. "I will not weaken this village by cutting short the lives of its strongest defenders in a vain attempt to escape." He sighed heavily, then straightened, eyes staring fixedly at the wall ahead of him, not deigning to look at the combined forces to his back and sides. "All I did, I did for Konoha."

"Take him."


	38. Interlude 2

Danzo sat on the cold stone bench in a flimsy prisoner's jumpsuit and stared at the man across from him, waiting. He was content to wait. Time waiting meant time not being interrogated, which increased the chances of his countermeasures getting him out before the Yamanaka broke through the hardened walls of his mind. The pain from his empty eye socket and the stump of his arm was excruciating, his head felt full of cotton and steel wool, but his first instinct was not to show it in his bearing. Shinobi who showed weakness did not last long. He learned that lesson early. Perhaps it might not be the best choice at this moment though. Sarutobi always did have a soft heart.

Sarutobi Hiruzen stared through the bars outside of the cell. In the harsh light of the prison, his face seemed riven by great crags and rocky outcroppings. An ancient thing of almost indefinable age. Danzo supposed he might well look the same. Gods and silence, when did that happen? They'd just gone along one day at a time, each trying to defend their home in their own way and before they knew it they were old and bitter, and everything was complicated. Things used to be so _simple_ when they were young. You took a mission, you killed the enemy, you went home. None of this political bullshit.

Sarutobi was first to break the silence. "I never thought you'd fall to this." The act gave Danzo a sliver of bitter satisfaction at not being first to break, then the words registered.

"This?" A flicker of a frown passed Danzo's features before his expression smoothed out. "Oh, you think I'm a traitor. You never were good at looking at things from a dispassionate perspective."

"A dispassionate perspective." Sarutobi seemed disbelieving. "That's what you're going to go with."

"That is what I have come to believe." Danzo rumbled. "This eye." He pointed to the empty socket, once again covered in bandages. "I lost this eye fighting Rock infiltrators near the border. I walk with a cane, from holding off those two Lightning shinobi in the second world war, so you could take out the third. Do you remember?" He looked up for a moment then quirked a half smile. "Of course you do. All my days I have defended Konoha with my pride, my body, my life. Our village. I. Have. Defended." He stared off into the distance for a moment. "But it wasn't enough." His voice gained volume, weight. "My body failed me, the Kyuubi attacked and we were weak, vulnerable. So very close to the edge. Konoha stands in the middle of the map, no safe retreat for us. No convenient fortress, no great defence beyond the bodies of our shinobi. If we are not strong we will be torn down from every side. We could have fallen a dozen times. So, I gave up my pride." His words fell like stones smashing into the earth. "Because. This. Village. Is. More. Important."

"You did more than just give up your pride." Sarutobi replied, outrage written across his features in block capitals. "Don't act like this was some great sacrifice that you alone made. You defiled the first Hokage! You took from his corpse and implanted it into yourself. Against every law and custom, you betrayed my old sensei and every bloodline bearing clan who holds this place as safe!"

"He was dead!" Danzo shouted, head forward and shoulders back. Then his voice dropped with his gaze as he muttered. "He was dead. He died defending the village. His spirit went to the pure lands. What was left doesn't matter to him where he is now. He should have wanted what was left to help defend the village he made."

"And the children who died for your ambition? Thirty children, orphans who _I_ swore to protect!" There was that old fire, that old fire that made Sarutobi so very dangerous.

"If we could have perfected the procedure! Every shinobi would have had it. Picture it, wood release in every clanless Konoha shinobi! We would have been untouchable."

"But it didn't work."

"No, it didn't work." Danzo sighed. "I wasn't expecting so many to die. I had hoped… but it didn't work, no. It would have been worth it if only it had worked. So many lives could have been saved."

Sarutobi turned away, and was that disgust Danzo saw on his face? Surely not. He'd expected that he would keep up the act in public - after all he had to keep the clans happy - but at the very least he thought he would understand in private. This… this was not expected. Perhaps there was a byakugan watching them even now? "And the eyes?"

"We could have had ten more of Kakashi. If one went to every clan, it might have been… well. It wasn't to be. The fall of the Uchiha scared them, and with the purges in Kiri they closed down completely." He sighed. "After that there wasn't much for it. I did the job that needed doing, and because of that Konoha is still here to punish me for it."

"You did not 'do the job that needed doing'," Sarutobi's voice dripped with contempt. "You took young children with the potential to be shinobi, and you made them into brothers, and then you made them kill each other as a psychological ploy! A fifty percent death rate for a training regimen is not acceptable!"

Danzo tilted up his head and fixed him with a one eyed stare. "Is it really so much worse than what we lived through? What was done to us?"

"We were at war!" He roared. "That was cruelty by necessity, this is cruelty by design."

"Five."

Sarutobi refused to rise to his bait.

Danzo waited a long moment before speaking, grinding on calmly and simply as if this was the most self-evident thing in the world. "That is the number of potential existential threats to Konoha that my forces have quietly removed. We never stopped being at war, it just moved to the shadows. And because of me, we are winning that war. The twelve years of peace that everyone attributes to your 'kindly rule'? Me. Me without the praise. Me without the adulation. Me without my face carved into a mountainside for everyone to see like some absurd testament to my ego. Just the quiet satisfaction of knowing that I did the job that needed to be done, and the crushing regret of the mistakes I made along the way. I took it all upon myself." Why couldn't he see? Why couldn't he _see_? It was all to protect this village. His home. "And now I am an old man, filled with regrets. Will you take that too? I've given everything else. I suppose it's only appropriate that I give my life at the end.

"Oh don't play the martyr. 'Potential threats', do you even hear yourself?" Sarutobi sounded so very tired. "How many of those were actually anti-Konoha when you took it upon yourself to kill them? Those could have been allies, strong allies. And by the gods, I've been insisting to the other Kage all this time that Konoha didn't do these things. No wonder they've been prickly, hard to deal with."

"It was necessary."

"Necessary he says. Necessary," Hiruzen raged bitterly. " I'll tell you what your 'necessary' has done. Jiraiya found a boy, a boy with the legendary Rinnegan. Oh yes. He found him, and he trained him for three years. He was going to take over Ame, and we would have had a _strong_ three part alliance." His voice turned accusatory, dripping venom. "Then _your_ shinobi botched his assassination and killed his teammate. Now he's gone crazy - as S-rank nin do - and got together an organisation of almost a dozen S-ranked nin on top of commanding an entire country. And do you know the best part? He hates us. He _despises_ us for what we did, for what you did. That is the fruit of your 'necessary'."

The words hit Danzo like physical blows. Almost a dozen S-ranked nin? That was an absurd amount of power for a minor country to have. How could this have happened?

"Still, you were saying earlier about giving your life for Konoha." Sarutobi sounded contemplative. "Perhaps you can still atone for your crimes, assuming the Yamanaka don't find anything _else_ to lay at your feet. Here is what you are going to do…"

The plan was simple and as Danzo heard it, he despaired. He had likely already been noted as missing, the failsafes had already been activated. Agents would be moving, information would change hands, plans would be put into motion. It was too late to stop it now, his only choice was to ride the wave to its finish and try to salvage something from this entire mess.

The thing about certain moves was that even if you knew about them in advance, you still had to play the game against them. There were few truly irreplaceable pieces, but then he didn't need irreplaceable, just sufficiently valuable.


End file.
